Addictions

[deeebs]

I'll start with a brief history.
I'm 31 years old. I have never had a girlfriend. I came from a conservative home with no abuse of any kind. While I've had crushes I've never been able to develop them into a relationship.
I prefer girls who I've known a while, unless they happen to be very attractive, even then once I get to know their personality I may quickly change my mind.

Here's some issues I have, in no particular order. Feel free to comment on any or all.

1. I cannot initiate conversation or contact with girls/women unless I have (what I consider) a valid reason, such as work or personal business.
2. I generally become attracted to a woman after getting to know her on a level at which she considers me a friend (same as her girlfriends) but not a romantic possibility.
3. I masturbate a lot (in my mind), usually once a day.
4. I have become a regular (twice per month) at a massage parlor. I get a handjob, which is a nice release, but often feel guilty afterward.
5. The only intercourse I have had was with prostitutes and at a particular massage parlor that I frequented a couple years ago.
6. I have a low self-esteem. Even at work, where I am considered a very valuable asset by coworkers and liked by most people (to the point they ask for me over others on my team) I doubt my capabilities.


So... Above are some of the problems I ponder regularly and which are currently at the forefront of my mind.
Feel free to give me your thoughts, criticism, advice.....

Right now I am beginning to feel an attraction to a woman at work (about 5 years my junior) whom I enjoy talking to and having lunch with, but just don't get the regular physical attraction to. I feel like I should pursue a relationship everyway but physically. What should I do?

[Brandye]

Your problem is not sex but self-esteem as you describe it. Talk to your doctor or a terapist about local mental health services. No, I am not suggesting you are round the bend. We tend to recognize low self-esteem in women more than men but the fact is that there is not much difference in the incidence of the issue. We in the helping professions need to be more sensitive to this.

Any city or hospital of any size had support groups, programs, short-term counselling and other resources. I would refer you to a group that includes mostly women a distance from here (My surgery (clinic) is ina town of under 2000 population). Most GPs or internists or whatever you call them can make this referral. You are not going for therapy, you are going to sort out some behavioural issues. And you may meet a woman with particular understanding.

[GothicVixen]

try some counselling... Or going out and gaining confidence with mates.