how up is up?

[biscuit]

I have this amazing boyfriend who really cares about me and how I feel during sex. He'll get an erection, which to me, is hard. But then he'll go on about "I'm sorry baby, I can't get it up." To me...it's up..I don't know. I guess only having two other boyfriends before them doesn't give me that much experience, but it looks up to me, and it feels up. I know sometimes erections can get really big and really really hard, and I guess that's what he considers as "up". He says he has problems and talks about needing viagra, but he's only turning 18 in december. I joke about him with it and tell him it's probably because he smokes (which i'm going to try and get him to quit. I love him the way he his, but for both our sakes it'd be better if he did).

He doesn't really need viagra does he?

[dancingdoc2]

This reminds me of the question "how high is 'up'"?

Erections do seemingly have a mind of their own and can also change from time to time. There are erections (firmness) that we get when just masturbating and then there are those we get (very firm) when we are with our partner. With both, although more often than not with the latter, that hard erection will feel like it is trying to expand even more giving the sensation that our penis will burst in the moments just preceeding a climax! You might ask if he experiences these three also, just out of curiosity.

I've been thinking about what he has told you and I believe his comments may be tied to his "fragile male ego". This is a part of the male persona that usually gets in the way of things (read: progress) and as a part-time dance instructor I run into them a lot! In his case this may have more to do with confidence, knowledge, and, skill (real or imagined) than it does with mechanical problems. If he is doing a good job as a lover, let him know. Let him know also, that making love is a process and a partnership in which the two of you explore and learn together. It is what we do with and for each other, not what one person does to the other.

Perhaps the approach you should take is to play to his vanity. Before he says anything or even if he repeats himself, take hold of his erect penis, pamper it in your hand(s) and let him see you admiring it with some favorable comment or two about how it looks and feels to you. Then, give it a little extra tweak and/or give him a juicy kiss. If he attempts to negate your observations, try responding with an "uh..uh..uh" or a "na..na..na" saying that he should be listening to your voice and not his inner voice!

> He says he has problems and talks about needing viagra, but he's only turning 18 in december.

I have a birthday next month, also. At 18 he is about a year away from reaching his sexual prime. From then on it is all downhill for the rest of his life. The good news is that the decline has a very shallow curve, and, when he and his partner are in their early to mid thirties, both male and female sex drives are at the same level of intensity.

Viagra et al, are not the answer. He gets erections and is fully functional. At his age I rather doubt any physician would prescribe the meds.

Lastly, you might want to try some reverse psychology on him. There is an old saying that "flattery will get you anything"; well, try a little flattery on him with regard to all this. If he is a good, caring, skilled lover, let him know this. Pamper his ego. If you build an erection from scratch or you play with an erect one for awhile, tell him how much you enjoy watching his reactions in response to the things you do. Let him know how much you enjoy pleasuring him and making him squirm--whatever.

I think these various responses will help bolster his ego particularly if you can replace his inner voice with yours. Give this a try and please report back.

Good luck. Got questions?

[biscuit]

That's all amazing! Thanks so much. I'll definitley try some of those ideas and get back to you!

[katiebug]

I also wanted to chime in just to say that smoking narrows your blood vessels and decreases your blood flow. This could affect how firm his erection is. If he quits smoking, his body will eventually return to normal. I only know this because I quit smoking about 1.5 months ago and I feel fantastic now. I know he won't quit unless HE is ready to, but you might mention this to him as another reason to get rid of that habit.

[biscuit]

I actually read about that in a magazine not too long ago, and mentioned it to him. He laughed it off, which is all fine. But I'm going to try and help him quit after christmas. He says he wants too, and he's actually starting to cut down a bit. We have a program that I got volunteered to help run that helps people quit smoking, so he said he'd join that.