Forgive me if this has been asked or posted elsewhere, I did a search of this section for it and found nothing relatable so...
My partner and I are both young (She 18, I will be in march) and we have an active sex life (duh we're teenagers) anyway we've been going out for a little over a year now and we recently tried kinky things. Beforehand we just had ordinary sex, missionary, doggy-style, her on top etc and a lot of foreplay too. We now have introduced durex play lubricants which are great fun but now i'm wondering if I should buy her a sex toy.
There seem to be loads of pro's for using one, more pleasure for her though I make her orgasm clitorally (is that even a word) everytime but not that often during actual intercourse; she's reassured me though that it was the mood at the time rather than my performance "which is always great".
I'm a bit below average size wise and i was thinking of getting her the rabbit dildo but my only inhibition about it is my fear of being replaced.
Should get I over my insecurities and get one for her?
Stop, stop, stop! You two have barely even begun enjoying sex and now you want to start making leaps like this? Trust me, you two are no where near skilled enough. You, yourself have admitted that you do not always make her orgasm. Therefore - lets fall back, regroup, and work on making the sex between you two absolutely and reliably COSMIC before going any further.
Please read, print out, and follow the information in the two sticky posts on this site entitled: Body Worship and The Program.
There is no limit to how many orgasms she can have. If you can avoid ejacualtion, there is no limit to the number of orgasms you can have per erection. That being so, you can see that your "one orgasm" barely qualifies you two as having sex.
Please take the time to understand and appreciate the nuances possible with "plain old ordinary" sex - which is never the same every time even with the same partner - befoe reaching for additional tools. As long as your penis is long enough to get from you to her, it is sufficient.
Buy her some fragrant massage oils that are vagina-friendly first.
Yup! what EEK recommends.
You have two aspects of your relationship to improve: first, is the technical how to; second, the emotional.
Orgasms have two main purposes (besides sperm donation by the male); first, is the outward expression of the love you share; second, is for stress relief. I also recommend that the two of you work on making the former all it can be with the tools God gave each of you, then in a year or so, if you want to also add some play add the toys.
Toys do not have to be expensive commercial products. Brandye, our resident M.D. has stated more than once that her favorite is a long necked bottle. Candle sticks, carrot sticks, English cucumbers utensil handles, etc., can all be used.
In addition to the two excellent articles recommended, above, I also recommend that the two of you read the informative how to articles listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen.
Thank you Evil, that was another one of my lingering questions about sexual immaturity but I was starting rabble so I left it out :P
I've read through both your stickies and I will definatly try them both, unfortunately my lady friend is in Nigeria for 3 weeks so the rampant sex will have to wait.
Like another poster on your program thread, my girlfriend isn't really the patient type and will spring on me after number 2 of the list I'll just have to be a bit more firm :P
My girlfriend doesn't like me putting my fingers inside her so is there an alternative to "manual stimulation of the G-Spot" in step 7?
Thank you too Doc, the how to's are really useful.
Is there any particular reason that she doesn't enjoy the fingers?
Not entirely sure, when I try she stops me and says something similar to "fingers don't go there," She's not entirely comfortable with me performing oral on her either and she says because its a personal area. I love her and want to do the best i can for her but she really ties my hands.
Maybe you should suggest to her that if that part of her body is that personal, that you not do anything that involves looking or touching or caressing her pieces part out of respect. That said, see how she reacts. Sounds to me like she is young and still coming to terms with her sexuality and moral teachings. All you can do is to give her time to grow and mature.
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;202528]Maybe you should suggest to her that if that part of her body is that personal, that you not do anything that involves looking or touching or caressing her pieces part out of respect. That said, see how she reacts.[/QUOTE]
Guessing now, not very well and knowing her she'll take offense and take it literally and i'd be in the proverbial dog house for a while.
Perhaps she will be a bit miffed, but stick to your guns because she seriously does need to "get over" her inhibitions regarding cunnilingus and manual stimulation. The idea that some areas are 'personal' is rather silly when you consider that sexual congress is rather "personal" itself.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;202538]but stick to your guns because she seriously does need to "get over" her inhibitions regarding cunnilingus and manual stimulation. [/QUOTE]
"All you can do is give her time to grow and mature."
Two options which one is the better one i wonder. Do you think the next time we're getting to the situation I should go ahead with it and if she trys to stop me tell her that its rather silly? Or should I sit her down and tell her that its perfectly alright and normal, when we're not getting steamy?
Talk in a non-sexual atmosphere first. Then try it during sex, see the sticky post The Program, and if she still says no - just stop everything. Sit back, relax, and say nothing.
Hmm sounds a bit cruel, almost childish, to stop doing everything just to get my own way, especially if she's uncomfortable with it. But I suppose you gotta be cruel to be kind.
You have to understand that right now SHE's being silly and that is NOT good - not for her and not for you and not for your relationship's continuance. She is even unwilling to try and that's never anything but cruel.
If she denies - then you deny. It may sound tit-for tat- but she has to learn somehow and if words are not enough- then perhaps a demonstration is needed.
I agree with the first poster, when you're younger it's all about exploring & experimenting. Naturally Sex Toys will come into the equation eventually but explore each other for a bit first :)