So i have been having sex for almost a year (with the same person) ... reasonably regular up-until recently. However it still hurts in initial penetration... the pain does go away after a while and then I enjoy sex (though I do feel tender once stopped) and if I am very very very lucky this doesn't happen. I do tend to get UTI's after sex so I get hold of a preventative from the dr. And my 1st time did hurt.
I am starting to think its psychological or something as looking back pain is associated in one way or another. It does feel like I am uncontrollably tensing. I use lube and we have a lot of foreplay. But it comes to the moment and i tense up even when i am trying to relax and its painful... it doesn't help he is on the bigger side.
I do know this is not normal. I literally have to wait until the pain goes when penetrated and I feel crap when this happens, and i feel sorry for my bf too.
Would love your advice. Its really annoying me now. I just wanna have sex without it having to be ... technical? or having to lose the moment.
thanks
If your waiting for the pain then your body is automatically trying to tense up and stop the pain. Just make sure your 100% in the mood for sex and try not to think about the pain that you have initially felt.
If it has happened for over a year though, then I would say what I said to a previous poster and see some medical help. A gynocologist will be able to tell you if its a physical or mental problem causing the pain :)
Start with a complete gyn exam. Describe this problem to your doctor. She can take it from there.
It could be vaginissmus...
When you're preparing for sex your vagina should be opening up, like your mouth when you say Ahh
But if you've got vaginissmus, the vagina closes up like the beginning of What
You should really get this checked out by a doctor, it's also possible it could be psychological, but often times if you don't get it treated it can turn into dysperunea(Sp?)
where absolutely no vaginal penetration is possible
It couldn't have named itself better, Literally it means "Unhappily mated as bedfellows"
I did talk to my gp and she just said its most likely because i am new to having sex yar de yar duh and i "should grow out of it" (which is also what my other dr said about me getting lots of UTI's after tests!)
I read up and heard it could be that. I told my boyfriend that i needed just to relax etc etc we used lube and once i chilled out and well trying not to think and expecting it to hurt ... it didn't as much. Now i am preventatives for UTI's as well so I am not worried at all which really really takes a load of my mind... I knew it had to be psychological. Apparently vaginissmus is mostly that. Thank you for all your advice :)
Im not sure if anyone has said this yet to you info, but be sure to urinate right after sex as it can reduce the likelyhood of a UTI by reducing the number of bacteria present that was introduced during sex. I used to get wicked UTI's that went into my kidneys, not just my bladder and it was all solved by just urinating afterwards.
You should really be speaking to a gynocologist if you don't have one ask your gp to refer you. Don't take everything your gp says as gospel, he's not a specialist.
I get sore quite easily and you should never be embarressed about using lubricant. Maybe you should cut down on actual penetration untill you've got yourself sorted out medically.There's nothing wrong with non penetrative sex, it doesn't even have to be oral it can just be mutual masturbation
Something thats worked for me in the past is to set an afternoon aside go to bed with your partner, cuddle chat listen to some music it took me a while to get used to being in bed with a naked guy. as you get used to stroking and touching him, you'll start to relax.
Best of luck
Thanks :D
I did recently see a specialist though and told I will grow out of UTI's after sex (not the answer you want to hear after about 300 pounds at least on tests eh lol)
I use lube its a life saviour haha.
I have to say I have tried everything you have said which indicates I am on the right wave-length which is good. I still think its me just being weird I mean I have had sex at most 15 times is a year as it is mostly followed by UTI's (11 so far since feb) which it fricken fun lol
Thanks again for your input I love hearing new advice :)
I have to admire the way you're soldiering through this, but is it really some sort of challenge to overcome. If i was you I would have stopped having penetrative sex at the first problem sign. There are many different ways for you both to be satisfied sexually.
It took me quite a while to get used to being intimite with a man and not just sex,just having a naked guy wandering round my bed room did freak me out. Being touched intimitely while something that aroused me still made me uneasy for a little while.
I hope your bf fully understands the committment you're making and what you're going through.
lots of luck
sarah
Thanks :D
It took me a while too but its been over a year nearly 1 and 1/2 and he sure does lol.