Hey,
I have been roaming these forums quite a while now and its very useful. But I still have some things that I wonder about.
I have a great girlfriend, our relationship is awesome. But we always tend to have a lot of problems when it comes to sex. We were both virgins till about 2 months ago and we are both 18.
Problem 1: Before we come anywhere near sex we always do lots and lots of foreplay. But even after 45 minutes of foreplay she never really gets wet, she stays quite dry… This sort of annoys me after hearing stories of other guys getting their girlfriends absolutely soaked… So I started wondering is it because the foreplay isn’t done right or is it normal? She says that she loves the foreplay so it may just be normal….
Problem 2: Ok this is really crazy and I couldn’t ever imagine this happening but sadly it does. Sometimes upon entering her vagina I lose my erection!?!? I don’t totally lose it but it is just not as powerful and strong as it was before (this is just retarded). Bases 2 and 3 are no problem, I stay very hard its just whenever I try to enter her vagina. She is still very tight so I sometimes have to push quite hard in order to get in***… Is that why I lose it? We normally try missionary position but I have read about the “female superior position” and we will probably give that a go. But I really wonder why I lose my erection, with something like sex, a guys dream… I mean it just isn’t right and it really really annoys me.
*** I was wondering about this to and it also sort of links back to ‘problem 1’ she is always tight no matter what. Even if I finger her I can only get a finger in with a huge amount of force… which I hate doing… So I normally concentrate on her clitoris which she likes a lot better anyway. Whenever I enter her (if I don’t lose my erection) it hurts her, which really sucks because I absolutely hate hurting my girlfriend in anyway! So I start wondering again (I do a lot of thinking :) ) is this because of problem 1? Have I done enough foreplay? She always tells me during the foreplay whenever she is ready or not… but it seems that she is never ready since she is always really tight and hardly wet at all.
Problem 3: Orgasm…. I can never bring her to orgasm… even in bases 2 and 3. She tells me she gets really close but that it just gets uncomfortable just before the climax… She than always makes me stop. Is there anyway to get through this stage? So that she will be able to orgasm next time?
I really want to give my girlfriend the very best and I don’t want to hurt her in anyway!
Well … That’s it… I would really appreciate any help and thanks in advance…
Howdy, and welcome to the Board.
This is all very interesting, very typical and very sad. Yet there is hope for the two of you, all said and done. I am surprised, though, that in all your roaming you have not found any if not most of your answers. I for one have certainly addressed them many many times.
> Problem 1:
Please define for us what you consider foreplay activities, and, the various bases. Clarifying your definition of terms will help keep reply suggestions on target.
Not being a fly on the wall it is impossible without knowing the above, whether or not foreplay is not done correctly, or, if her not becomming wet is natural for her. There are two facts about this; first, the amount of wetness and the consistency of the mucus changes throughout the month; second, the quantity produced is different for different people. Does she masturbate, and if so, have you asked her how wet she becomes at her own fingers?
Here is a link that you may find helpful:
http://www.askmen.com/love/love_tip/sextip18.html
Devoting 45 minutes more or less to foreplay activities that involve each other's erogenous zones is fine--if it follows lots of making out, consisting of plenty of kisses and caresses of each other's entire body that are designed to stir a person's passion and desire. In various stages, these are the "bases", ie., "Necking", "Petting", and, "Heavy Petting". How much time are you devoting to just fooling around, before the foreplay?
> Problem 2:
The vaginal opening in a person who has not had a lot of intercourse is going to be tight. Please do an advanced search using my name and the key word: bathtub or tub. You will find an exercise described that she can do over the course of several days that will help make the opening more complient.
The probable reason that your erection is weaking upon attempting to enter her is because repeated attempts (or even just one) presses against the shaft and places lots of pressure against the base and the internal root structure and after awhile all the pushing takes its toll on a man's firmness.
Hardness can be re-established by pausing for a bit and then doing things to (re)build it, again. No harm, no foul, just inconvenience and a delay.
There is a foul, however, that is being committed and that is to try and push your penis inside without adequate lubrication--natural or artificial. This is just wrong! Cease and decist at once.
Before trying to engage in intercourse, again, purchase some lube. One or more are available off the shelf in pharmacies or the drug department of a supermarket. Get the water soluable kind like Astroglide, K-Y, or similar. Apply a liberal amount around the entrance of her vagina and inside. Likewise, apply (or better yet have her apply) a liberal amount over the surface of your shaft and Glans. Doing so should make gaining entrance much more pleasurable for both.
Variety is indeed "spice" so do try different positions once in a while and then use the ones you like every so often. (There are at least 101, so things should be spicey for a long time. ;) ) The WS position as with any of the others is not going to make entry any easier when there is insufficient lubrication.
> ***
Asked and answered. No force.
Your girlfriend should be complimented for letting you know if and when she is ready for intercourse. Whether the invitation is implied, spoken, or motioned, I believe a woman should always invite her man in.
> Problem 3:
Please do another advanced search using my name and the key word: responsible.
Here is another helpful link:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing_her/18563-she_cant_orgasm.html?...
There definitely is a way to fix the discomfort she feels just prior to reaching a climax. The key is to switch tactics! Women often have this feeling of pain just prior to, whereas guys often get it just after having a climax. It really is not pain, just an over stimulation of the nerves along with some overt chemical releases in the brain.
Switching tactics means that when she indicates enough clitoral stimulation is enough, that you should then do one or all of the following:
a. rub the shaft of the Clitoris that is buried beneath the skin between the folds of the upper Vulva
b. fold the two inner lips (Labia) over the tip of the Clitoris and massage the tip through them
c. stimulate the Clitoris indirectly by gently tugging and massaging the two inner lips. You can also involve adjacent areas in order to further stimulate the Clitoris indirectly. Doing these things will continue the friction and the stimulation but with much less intensity.
Use plenty of lubrication there, also!
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
ok sounds good... thanks a lot doc. This will help.
Refering to the foreplay activities, I use the 'tactics' listed on the site. Plenty of devotion to the erogenous zones and plenty of petting and kissing. I try to build it up, just like you wrote in your reply with the different bases. Thats why I was wondering what I could be doing wrong... Generally it takes around 45 minutes but that includes the fooling around before foreplay... Maybe I have to spend more time on it.
Oh well, enough said. I will read though the linked article you send me and do the searches.
Thanks again!!
PS. Sorry that I asked questions that were already aswered.
Some women also just dont produce as much wetness, no matter how turned on they are.
Also, some medications can do that. I have bad sinus problems, so I am always taking decongestants. Those not only dry up your nasal mucus membranes, but can also make your mouth dry and lessen the "wetness" of the vaginal mucus membranes.
have you also tried buying some lubricant to help ease the tension when entering? this might maker her feel a bit more comfortable and will ease some of the force and tension put both on the penis and the vagina upon first entry.
> Plenty of devotion to the erogenous zones and plenty of petting and kissing.
BRAVO!
> I was wondering what I could be doing wrong... Generally it takes around 45 minutes but that includes the fooling around before foreplay... Maybe I have to spend more time on it.
Ask her if she needs more time or more or less of something else.
> Sorry that I asked questions that were already aswered.
That's OK, some answers are often buried within threads with Subjects/Titles that you'd think would be on another topic.
E-O!!!!
by this i mean, get her wetter by eating her out.
Doggy style.... or rear entry... whenever the condom is too dry or its too hard to get in, do it from behind . something about it just makes it soo much easier, and it feels great. have her lie on her tummy. it worksss..
while having sex, try clitoral stimulation, itll get her closer to an orgasm.
GOOD LUCK!