Yes, no or maybe. It sounds like you two do not make the fireworks go off. Maybe some change is indicated.

How old are you?

I ask because, when I first became sexually active (including just oral and make out sessions) it was okay, but not as mind blowing as people make it seem, which is what you're describing. As I've aged a bit, sex has gotten better and better. So you might need to wait it out. :(

Either that or theres just no chemistry between you...or he doesn't know how to please a woman...

You have gotten yourself an inexperienced and unskilled boyfriend who is covering up his lack of knowledge by being forceful and you are accomodating him therefore his behavior and your lack of enjoyment will continue.

UNLESS

You stop taking care of him and TALK TO HIM up front about how it is NOT working for you; too much tongue etc and so forth. Yes, yes, you might be shy about it - but do you want dull boring non-orgasmic "I could have had a V-8" sex or do you want mind-blowing orgasmic, the earth moved sex? It is your choice.

Please read the sticky posts entitled Body Worship and The Program.

Sex is supposed to be MIND-BLOWING - if it isn't - there's a problem.

Sex is not over-rated, but sometimes our expectations of it are too high. In contrast to EEK, I don't think its a problem if sex is not mind blowing. Mind-blowing might happen sometimes, but its too much to expect that every time. If you expect it to be, then you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. Sex should always be enjoyable, though.

It does sound like this guy needs to learn a lot though. Sex involves a lot more than just the act itself. Its a pity he doesn't like kissing, he doesn't know what he is missing. I think kissing is wonderful, and really don't understand how some guys aren't interested in it. I'd tell him directly what it is that you don't like about the way he kisses, and show him how you like to do it.

Likewise with touching. I think that touch is probably the most important aspect, and I don't mean just stimulating each other's genitals (although there's nothing wrong with that!). There are so many ways to touch and caress each other. Once you start exploring your sense of touch, you discover a whole world of subleties that really add to your enjoyment. But you can only do that if you get a response from the other person.

I would work on this guy a bit more. Talk to him, give him some feedback, and tell him what you like. Be direct. Take the initiative sometimes, and seek a positive response from him. If he still doesn't get it after all that, then maybe the two of you are not compatible, and you should be looking for someone else.

Experiences tend to be great if we DO in fact expect them to be great. Remember self-fulfilling prophecy? It works in reverse as well. Repeat after me - this man will please you...this man will please you. Then relax and get into it!

But you see - the advice is the same TALK TO HIM and SHOW HIM.

I've had quite a bit of bad uncomfortable sex. Usually at the beginning of a relationship but It always gets better as you get used to the other person. When I first started having sex it took a while to get used to just having a naked man in my bed and feeling free to touch me intimitely

What I'm trying to say is it's just one aspect of life, It can be intensely pleasurable and give you a genuine intimacy with another person, but it shouldn't be syntimentalise or build up into something it's not. Take a break if you're not enjoying it, there are other alternatives to penetrative sex, and have a few conversations about sex with your partner, maybe it'll start to improve

SP, hun, if he doesn't then he's not the right guy for you!

Although it can be difficult to get younger men to understand, they can learn! Witness what splendid lovers most older men are! Apparently some experience and a few hard knocks and they generally turn out very good at it!

Sex is best when you focus outward and try to please your partner but you have to get what you give as well. Don't be so accomodating in the future, please. Be nice to the next lady *evil grin* by training him well.

I agree with the recommendations. You have a young man on your hands who thinks he knows more than he does yet has to save face (wrongly) by not being willing to learn or understand that he does not know what he thinks he knows. It will be better for him and you if he understands that to correctly save face, he has to work with you to learn more--more knowledge and more skills.

I recommend that the two of you (together or separately) read the many informative articles in the Index. This will be found at the top of the Main screen. There is much information to be had which is why they were written in the first place.

Now for you: Can you orgasm by masturbation? If so, then you are half way home. If not, then you must learn and there are three articles listed in the Index that explain how and why.

> I would like to kiss more, but he doesnt seem to want to

You have an inexperienced lover. Ya gotta teach him why spending time kissing is important. Tell him that half an hour of kissing and making out is necessary for you to get your engine reved up.

> he isnt a good kisser - too much saliva, and sticks his tougue in and doesnt move it. Ive tried taking the lead but its hard cos he's more forceful than me when he kisses.

To the Index with you, again. There is a thread all about kissing with a two part article in it.

> I hear and read people talking about how great it is...am i the only one who doesnt get it?? I just want it to be better,

It is great!, however, both of you need to understand what makes it great. Sex and intercourse are not all about plugging P into V and getting your rocks off. Oh, sure, that is part of it and a major one for the guys, yet truth be told, sex is really the outward expression of the love between two people and is therefore more emotional than physical. This is a concept both of you may have to grow and mature into.

What you are getting is more typical than normal, particularly with young unenlightened young men. Help him to learn by working with him. Read the how to articles, then practice.

Please clarify what you mean by "and theres not a whole lot of feeling."

Not much where? In the vagina? Overall while making out? What?

I'll be happy to discuss this in greater detail when I have a clearer understanding of what is not happening for you.

Ill tell you...your man may be disappointed at first, I mean it is a shot to the ego to think everything is good and then learn everything is bad....But if he is a real man then he will be more than happy to learn (whether you take control of his body and show him where to rub thrust etc....or you just show him with a toy ;))

And if he gets upset and angry....throw him out like a used condom...

Physical intimacy need not be "an outward expression of love". It can be just LUST which is all very well and good in it's own way. Love being an emotional bond and sex being physical play. It is not necessary to love someone to enjoy sex with him/her. It helps, but it is not necessary. Liking will do.

I find sex with someone I love to be pretty mindblowing (even if I dont come, and she does) But no matter what happens with someone I like or a random person it never is very fun. If anything its boring.

Yes I know it all comes with age, but only being 18, i seem to have a restriction with ages (i.e. Girls over 21 dont seem too kind...I mean they are pretty b*tchy....of course these are the ones I have met so far)

Ducy, if you ever find sex boring - you're not doing it right. By that mean you're thinking too much. You're letting your expectations and your inhibitions run free and you're not focusing upon the enjoyment at hand. Face it, you're never going to know whether she likes her ankles licked if you don't lick them.
Focus, Ducy! Focus!

Most young women of 21 are not terribly interested in guys who are 18. Their focus is on finding men to maybe marry, completing their education, and on furthering their careers. Most of them at any rate. There is also the fact that guys of 18 are competing with almost every other male on the planet for that 21 year old female's attention if she's at all attractive.

Haha yes I do know that...but even some of my cousins are cruel (not that I wanna get in their pants, I just talk to them at family gatherings)

I do try to focus on the time at hand though....IDK I guess I have never really been able to really get used to sex without feeling lol.

It can be difficult to overcome early programming but do not despair it can be done and I did say that you could like the other person.

Ducy, I know you're an exception (maybe :p) but most 18 y/o males only want one thing...and it ain't snuggles!

Personally, it would be rare for me to date someone younger or even the same age...my fiancee is 6 years older.

My husband is 2 years older than I am and my lovers are 45 to 55.

Most of the time it has to do with having something in common with the other person. Something to talk about outside of the sex...

SP, can you orgasm at all? Meaning have you learned to masturbate to orgasm and if so, can you do it regularly and consistently?

* If yes, then you are half way to success with him.
* If no, then you need to learn how on your own by your self in private at times when you will not be disturbed.

Either way, once again, please read through the Index, there are several articles that will help you whatever your circumstance.

Each of us is responsible for our own orgasms, we do not give them away. All any of us can hope for is to help our partner achieve his or her own. To do this, we must know what is required to bring them about through masturbation. Once we know this, then we can guide our partner's hands/fingers over several sessions until s/he learns to duplicate the technique that is unique and specific to us.

I do not believe success is achieved by relaxing (physically); mentally, yes. When a person is on the brink of an orgasm their body becomes tense, sometimes rigid, breathing changes and becomes halting or panting, the body perspires, and a whole lot of changes occur temporarily.

In order to be successful, I believe you need to become comfortable with yourself and to give yourself permission to let go and to enjoy the experience. Orgasms are fun. Orgasms are wonderful. There is no need to be afraid of them. If there was, people would be running away from them not attempting to achieve them. See the contradiction?

Please read the articles on female orgasms, their perplexity, and how to achieve them. Once you have learned to achieve them on your own following the instructions, then you can go about helping your partner to help you. Part of teaching him what you have recently learned is to work together and explore together. Then, also give him feedback, verbally or non-verbally, on how you are responding to his touch, and, for what you may need next. All this is spelled out in detail. You just have to do the reading and the practicing.

Yes, you should have been honest with him from the beginning. Yes, you can start being honest now. Just do so in the manner of "a problem seeking a solution". Ask about the G- Spot. If he says "Huh?" then he's not all that experienced even for 30.

ducy - i get what you're saying. i do find getting intimate with someone i merely like rather than love to be not as satisfying in the end, but a lot of times the elusive "chemistry" plays a large part.

the best oral i've ever had was with a guy i'd met a week before. we hit it off like nothing i've ever experienced before or after.
i've also done the lustful one night stand thing, but i'm ypically very selfish in the sack if i don't know or care about you, so that could be why it's not as mentally satisfying as it is physically.

and sex with guys i merely like..,.? if the chemistry is so-so, then the sex is usually boring and laborous. in other words not worth it!

In today's world, most guys should know where the "g" spot is. Too bad they don't...