I know several people who are dating or in married relationships that have sex like once a week or once every couple weeks. I am confused. If we go more than a couple days it seems like we always get into a fight. Is it just me or does sex really keep relationships together? I can't imagine going weeks without it. After a long day it's nice to get pampered by my man. Anyone having the opposite, please explain.
Wed, 07/09/2003 - 17:19
#1
sex keep it together?
Hi SexKitty: I'm not sure how old you are, or how long you've been in your current relationship, what you do for a living, if you have kids or any of that, but I think most folks can agree that sex will ALWAYS be an important part of any committed relationship.
I can also tell you that as a couple grows together, and their responsibilities change and they get into a "rhythem" sometimes the frequency of sex changes!
We ALL remember when we first met our "partner" how it seemed if you weren't sleeping, working or eating, you were having sex." Thats all because of the "newness" of the relationship. That also does not mean that 2 years later when the same couple has sex 5-6 times a month instead of 5-6 times a week, that their relationship is in trouble!
It's VERY RARE, and mostly likey idle boasting, to hear that a couple has sex 2-3 times a day after 9 years together, kids, house, bills, career. However, there is NO doubt, that all couples who have been together for more than a year or 2 need to always work at keeping their sex life as active and alive as possible!
Consider this, NEWSWEEK, recently released the results of a study that showed SEX and MONEY were the 2 primary reasons for divorce - usually the LACK or STRESS over both issues!
Want to keep your relationship alive? Don't let SEX and MONEY become an issue!
I did read that newsweek article. Very interesting, although not suprising. In my past relationships, the problems were almost always about money or sex. The last couple relationships I was in sex became a big issue. I don't know about all women, but me myself if my significant other is being a jerk, sex is the furthest thing from my mind. I guess that's why I wonder how people that are married and are planning to be together forever can deal with this, because in my life whenever the sex is laking there's a major problem.
I have been in my current relationship for seven months and we are getting married in September. We just try really hard to make sure that we are both satisfied with our sex life. Of course nobody can say that they always have sex 2-3 times a day after several years, you have to be sick sometimes, lol. Seriously though I am curious as to how couples get it back once it's gone, because all I have ever seen is that once it's gone, it's really gone.
To answer your questions, I am 25, am self-employed, and have two children.
Being married, with jobs, a mortgage ,and kids...it just happens that sometimes you're too busy or tired to do it every day ...not that I wouldnt ...I would.
But I think that if you're realtionship is worth a crap, sex wont be its breaking point. But it's different for some.
Congrats on your engagement.
My take on this is that sex is not the panacea for a poor marriage, but intimacy, not necessarily sex, is essential for a good marriage. Quite simply, if the relationship is going badly, lots of sex is not going to solve the underlying problems. On the flipside, a good marriage can be derailed if one or both partners become dissatisfied with the intimacy.
Sex does not keep a relationship together (unless the relationship is just about sex), but lack of sex can break a relationship up.
If you have different sex-drives, you both have to be prepared to compromise to find a level that is mutually acceptable.
I personally think sex is just a Bonus.. lol but like a relationship if you cant just lay down with eachother and cuddle and well look at eachother with love and really love that person.. it isnt a relationship worth keepin. also i beelive.. if you cant get lost in eachothers eyes.. LOL it aint worth keepin..i think thats what love is about.. being able to just Connect with one another..
but sex.. its usally something people have to work at.. and there is different kinds of sex.. too for how you both are feeling.. but i think if you have to do it almost so you dont fight... whats cuasing you to fight??? why do you feel that way toward eachother....its.. odd.. i tell you
Jamie
Awesome response, Rawbob!
Well, what can i say? All very good viewpoints!
A typical viewpoint of marriage is no sex, different opinions all the time, fights over the kids, and work & money is everything.
I believe that many people have this focus/viewpoint in their minds permanently, so after the couple have wed, they think that this is what a marriage is all about and it's the way it's supposed to be. Correct me if i'm wrong, but subconsciously, nearly everyone thinks that.
I think that arguements need to end in fair comprimise, i feel that efficient ways of relaxing after work are needed, house chores are done fairly, and a fresh sexual mind is in order. Don't be bored with the same sex routine! Try all things different, and never be afraid to! Get some raunchier lingerie than usual, dress up for your man, do weird positions during sex, make him cum during oral, get him to do things to fulfill your fantisies, just make it original, DIFFERENT, AND FUN! Also, the more positive you think and feel about your own relationships, the more positive and secure your relationship will become.
Sometimes, my boyfriend just doesn't make me feel close enough to want to have sex, cuz he's rushing, or he's tired and not making much effort etc. When my bf makes no effort cuz he's tired or something, i get so turned off it's not funny.
I feel that both sides of the relationship need to feel intimate and close, and loving, and both need to make the effort to make the significant other to feel fantastic. If one of you just isn't in the mood to make any effort, work around it. If you're both really horny and need to have sex, but just dont have the effort, foreplay in otherways to get the turn on you desire. Use vibrators, stimulate your own clit while he fingers you etc.
This kind of feeling during sex has only happened to me a couple of times, but i feel i can relate to the years to come when times are difficult. We've been together nearly 2 years now, and we still feel very very close and compatible, and are VERY MUCH in love.
He's 19, so that could have something to do with it, but if i'm having multiple orgasm after orgasm at 18 years, i can't wait to see what i'm like when i'm 30!!!!
And it's definately true when they say "The sex is better when you really love the person".
Sex isn't the only form of intimacy. I have been with my partner almost 9 years (married 1.5) and we have other ways of being intimate than sex.
I would be very concerned about a relationship in which we needed to have sex to keep from fighting.
ItalStall - I could not agree more. Both of our sex drives vary greatly sometimes and we've learned to deal with it. I think most relationships crumble because of sex because it's so "taboo" that it's not to be spoken about openly and freely. Compromising is definately the answer, although easier said than done.