Forget the patch. It has been pulled in some countries and few doctors are recommending it because of bad side effects caused by uneven hormone distribution. Consider the contraceptive ring or the pill. To be a bit safer, use condoms as well. The spermicidally lubricated condom is mainly lubrication. There is not enough spermicide to really do any good.

The rest of the issues are normal to any woman on the edge of commitment. Consider that 50% of all women lose their virginity between their 18-20th birthdays; the average age of first marriage is almost 27.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please look at the Index at the top of the main screen and read the many helpful how-to articles listed.

You have pondered some excellent questions. Here is my view of your situation:

[QUOTE=Sakoend;230407]OK I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 18 we are both virgins. we have been dating for 10 months. we started talking about sex and planning out when would be best.since we go to college in two different states

[COLOR="blue">Why do you want to have sex?

* We are in love
* We are in like
* I want to get the first time over with
* I think having intercourse is the next step
* Everybody else is doing it
* I want to deepen our relationship and this is an expression of our love
* Other[/COLOR]

NOTE:He is my very first boyfriend, I'm head over heels for him and would love to spend my life with him or at the very least a guy as sweet as him.
[COLOR="blue">
This is a key point. Teen relationships often do not last. Your chances for remaining in a close relationship is further compounded by the distance between you and in living completely different lives with different social interests. Even if the two of you attended the same school; even if you were not in college and are just out in the world, as you become older, wiser, more mature, meet new and different people, your perspectives change and what you liked in a person at sixteen is not who you would choose at twenty or twenty two.

Even if this fella is the love of your life, test that by dating others and not keeping this an exclusive relationship. It will be darn hard to demand that anyway. I'm not suggesting breaking up, just learning more about others, having fun in the process so your social life does not become stagnant and finding out for your interactions with others if this guy in this far away city really truly is right for you.[/COLOR]

We Planned: HIM:condom with spermicide ( maybe pullout method)

[COLOR="blue">A spermicide is best used as backup inside you; although, a dab can be placed in the tip or reservoir of the condom.[/COLOR]

Me: birth control ( maybe patch have to talk with doctor about that)

[COLOR="blue">Do have a long chat with your doctor. There are a variety of pills and it may take a couple of attempts to find the one that best suits you and your system. For this reason, I suggest beginning soon and getting used to them and then if you do happen to have reactions that you do not like, having the time to switch to a different type. You also have to be religious about taking them. You must not forget to take the pill at the same time each day. If you travel to a different time zone take the pill at the hour of the home time zone, not the new one. Example: If you live on the west coast and you take your pills at 9:00 AM, then you travel to the east coast, do not take your pill at 9:00 AM there--take them at 6:00.

Instead of a pill, do look into the patch. It is a very good alternative. [/COLOR]

Not have first time until Summer break Between June-august 09

[COLOR="blue">OK.[/COLOR]

There is only one problem

1. I know protection is NOT a 100% and can fail . I'm no where near ready to have kid

[COLOR="bluek">This is why we recommend triple redundancy. YOU: Pill/patch + spermicide
HIM: Condom + spermicide in tip.[/COLOR]

2. I have ups and down about sex. the ups I'm ready i'm OK if i get pregnant because I'm with a guy i love and i tried to protect myself the best i could with still having sex. He said he would even marry me if i got pregnant ( i told him that was sweet but i dot want to feel like he is saving me/i don't want to get married just because of the baby, i want a real nice wedding)

[COLOR="blue">Well, ideally, nice wedding or not, you want a child to be raised in a loving, caring, giving, two parent environment. If this means giving your infant up for adoption, so be it. If you do not have the money to raise a child and support their everyday needs, this is better than having your future plans forever changed. Get the education, become established in business and home, have a bank account, then think babies.

He may have the best of intentions, yet more often than not a guy will stand by you. Even if he does, he may be resentful because the future plans for his life have now changed.[/COLOR]

the downs are mainly focused on the "What ifs" like: What if I'm not really in love?, what if i fall out of love? what if i regret it? and etc

[COLOR="blue">All the more reason to hold off, date lots of people including him, not having an exclusive relationship with anybody until have dated many and are certain this is the one. Take the time to get to know lots of people, be exposed to many different personalities, characters, likes, dislikes, quirks, goals, morals, values, etc. The more experiences and exposure you have, the better you will be at evaluating whether this guy is the one or if you will have to keep looking.[/COLOR]

I use to have downs about being looked down on as cheap and slutty( but i talked about it with my mother and i don't feel that way any more)

[COLOR="blue">About what? Having sex? Other? What advice or thoughts did your mother give you?[/COLOR]

I mainly want to stop my down feeling, How do i go about it?

[COLOR="blue">By feeling good about yourself, establishing self confidence, involving yourself in social activities with others, maintaining good grades. If you have questions about your present relationship, all the more reason to date. The more experiences you have with others the better able you will be to work with problems in your present one.[/COLOR]

Any thing else you think I should know?

[COLOR="blue">You can fool around and go as far as Foreplay as much as you want. Have intercourse when it feels right. It should happen as a natural extension of all the making out you do. Consider doing it when the ups and downs equal out. Many people report back that they wish they had waited to loose their virginity. Do not be in a big rush. Intercourse has more to do with the melding of the two psyches than it does physical pleasure. If you want pleasure and intense arousals limit your excursions to Foreplay.[/COLOR]

If i confuse you or you need more information please PM/e-mail me[/QUOTE]

Feel free to continue the discussion.

I'm Ready for SEX! (or am I?) I really want to do it.

Am I Ready For Sex?

Birth Control Failure Rates

Caution: Pill - Take only as directed

The awful reality is: you're not ready to have sex with ANYONE. PERIOD.

Because you are currently infatuated which is okay but you're mistaking it for love - the real deal - which it isn't. Also you're thinking you have to be "in love" to justify having/enjoying sex which you do not. Therefore, you have this overly romantic/glamorous idea of what sex, infatuation, love, having a boyfriend is all about. All of which means, you're like age 13 and not 19 in your emotional growth.

Don't worry, it will not last. You will go off to college and meet new people, be exposed to new ideas, new temptations, new realities, and have to face up to being your own woman on your own. You will then return for this romantic Spring Break fling and find...uh...No. Thank you, but really....no. Hearts will break, the relationship dies, and you will wonder... what happened?

What happened is that you emotionally aged during your time out on your own. You have found that what you once found desirable, isn't..quite. And you will remember how you felt just before you left and recognised that the reson you want to have sex now with this boyfriend is SECURITY. You're facing going off on your own and it scares you so you're going to hold onto this guy and you think you have to have sex with him to do that but in order to justify this you go all gooey and say "I'm in LOVE!" which isn't really true.

With me so far?

What you should do is: decide sex or no sex but based not upon your fear but upon, and only upon, whether your blood is roaring in your ears and you want to rip his clothes off and screw his brains out just to screw his brains out and not because "I'm in love!".

If yes: then he wears a condom, you get on The Pill, and you use a spermicidal foam/jelly.

If no: then fine...don't. It is entirely up to you.

Now then, when you go off to college DO NOT latch onto the first guy who asks you out. Play the field. Sport date. Have the most amount of fun you can cram in while still getting your education. Sex if you want to and no sex when you don't want sex.

and save the "love" for when its real.

Slut is a term used by those who are NOT having sex for those who are enjoying sex. Pity them and their shriveled up and paltry souls. They are missing the most glorious reaffirmation of life! When such persons do have sex - they are also very, very bad at it as well. So if you're called slut - laugh and say thank you and no you can't have any, you putz.