I have been dating the same girl for a couple years, since we were both sophomores in college, and when it came to each others sex history, we had shared freely with each other everything. (there wasnt much, she had only slept with 2 other guys before me one was a long term boyfriend in High school, and the other a rebound after him, allthough she had given her fair share of blowjobs). I never felt jealous of anything she told me, and we would even joke about some stuff.
So anyway we took a break from each other into the fall for about 4 months, just to see how we felt seperate from each other. We ended up talking a little in september before getting back together for good in october. So once things were good again, the topic of who we might have dated came up. So I had only gone on like 2 dates, saw one girl a couple times, nothing serious.
She tells me basically the same, she met a guy named Matt, nothing serious emerged, and that was it. So I didnt pry. So fast forward a week later, we are going to a halloween party together and took a few pictures. So I told her I would upload them onto her computer for her, because they were with my computer, so I did, and in the process, saw a few folders from the summer, and (with her permission) went through them, just browsing. Nothing special, I found a few with that guy Matt she was seeing, and then one caught me off guard. it was a picture of her in a t-shirt, and only a t-shirt, which was obvious because it went down to her bellybutton, and you could clearly see her pussy in the picture.
So I said to her, who took this one, she came to see which one, and just gave an oops, you shouldnt have seen that. So not mad, I asked, who took that, that guy Matt? She asked do I really want to talka bout this, and I said yeah, I wouldnt be upset. So she said yeah, it was a rebound thing, and he was into her and was into taking pictures (which she said she wouldnt only let him do with her camera so that she wouldnt have to worry about them)
So long story short, we got into how serious things were with them, she told me she would only tell me if I could handle it, I said sure, but she had to be 100% truthful, and couldnt sugar coat anything, that if she was going to tell me, i wanted the truth. So she did, she said they went out once or twice, and that it just turned into a sexual relationship, and that because there was no emotional attachment, she just went with it. I asked how long that went on for, she said about 3 months, that she met him through a friend a week after we broke up, and continued to see him until the beginning of october......which surprised me because we had been talking slightly at that point.
So she opened up to me, and it was almost like a whole nother side of her. I think the only thing I was jealous of was that she did stuff with him that she hadnt with me (they had sex in a hotel in Atlantic city while her friend and her friends boyfriend had sex on the bed next to them) as well as admitting to having anal sex with him several times (we've only tried it 3 times tops ourselves).
I never got mad or angry, because she told me what i asked for, the truth, I was just shocked to hear it.
My point posting this, was has any one else been in a similar situation. I mean I think it is healthy for most couples to share their past history, but what about their sex history while on a short break from each other? The shock wore off me in a couple days, and I never let it affect us, but how are other people in a similar situation? I cant be the only one.
Bottom Line:
> My point posting this, was has any one else been in a similar situation. I mean I think it is healthy for most couples to share their past history, but what about their sex history while on a short break from each other? The shock wore off me in a couple days, and I never let it affect us, but how are other people in a similar situation? I cant be the only one.
Prudence dictates that we keep our personal lives to ourselves. There is no reason to discuss prior romantic or sexual escapades with the new guy/gal. As you have found out, talking about what the other person did with someone else just set you up for all sorts angst, worry, insecurities, etc. From now on, please adopt a don't ask don't tell policy UNLESS there is something that will impact the new person such as a medical issue.
Learn from what she told you...maybe she feels stifled w/you and when you heard about the other guy, you found you have a wild woman?
Taking breaks are fine but never be surprised if the other turns to another...it does not have anything to do with love; it's just sexual behavior. Don't ask about history unless there is some disease info to share.
Boy, I'll never tell anyone the truth about my past sex life. It's getting to the point that I can't remember!
Weird Al has a song about this called "My Confession." Anyone contemplating telling the truth of their past should listen to it, laugh a bunch, listen to a again, laugh some more and then really listen to his message and seriously consider if they want to tell the truth.
Remember folks, people can't handle the truth, not even me. Use it sparingly and wisely.
:D
I disagree.
Tell the truth, just do not volunteer the information if it is of no benefit to the person you intend to tell. What happened with others before your present boy- or girlfriend is your past history. There is no need to tell all. As you have read, this can cause all sorts of problems. So before answering the urge to be honest and to have no secrets between us, first ask yourself of what benefit is it for this person to know.
Do not lie about your past. If it becomes necessary to share some information then do so, otherwise, let bygones be bygones. Read the Sticky article that addresses the fact that one person has more experience than another.
HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:
During the time my ex-fiance & I took a break...I know he was out as was I. No need to ask or to tell, both are adults, and I knew he would not risk my safety as he knew the same of me.
As far as his "sexual past"; I really did not care what he had experimented with his ex wife. I just needed to know he felt a healthy sex life was imperative and how does he define this. Additionally, I needed to know there were no hang ups. He said she [his ex wife] had one, her choice, and I did not share her sentiments. Therefore, minor discussion of attitudes or willingness to engage your partner is beneficial in some areas. Overall keeping count of partners? Why? No one wants to hear "my ex "named Z" used to do this to me & I loved it". However, what one does enjoy is no secret that it came from part of your "past".
The point is be tactful & honest but do it correctly; no need to disclose the random numbers of lovers...unless both want to know out of curiosity and there are no repercussions from such. What would warrant such? If I became involved with a man who had been married for a long time, and had been with no one else for say, the last 30 years. May be helpful for me to know & if I have been alone for an extended period of time...I would choose to share that aspect since I might be a bit dusty and require some fine tuning.