Its cuz your fat :p.

Let's be serious though. You have to rid yourself of the misconception that men are supposed to want sex more than woman. This is believed because woman are only "proper" if they shun sex. But lately its been shown many women are just as, if not more physical, than men.

Second, have you bothered to talk to him? This question has been getting asked nearly weekly and so far the conclusions are as follows.

A.) Sex has run its course and the "new play thing" craze that a man has with a new partner is gone.

B.) You guys just have mismatched drives. But still 3-4 times a week is a lot more than most couples it seems.

C.) You are both getting on in age and this is causing loss in sex drives for hormonal reasons. Men lose their libido with age and women tend to gain.

D.) He is suffering from stress. Be it from the pressures of work, himself, or even you. His boss could be a douche lately, he could be feeling unattractive or self conscious about his skill in bed, or maybe yyou are being nit picky. Not accusing you just saying that sometimes we can be a little hard on our significant others without realizing it.

E.) Health issues. Could be anything from depression to heart issues.

F.) He has decided to become a woman.

Okay maybe the last one hasn't been the case but the other ones are all legitimate reasons as to why the drive could be diminishing.

If you want some ideas on how to spice things up try using the search function. And read the stickies under "Married and LTR".

And finally learn to please yourself. Not all orgasms need be through your partner. And it is nothing "bad". In fact you most likely played with yourself as a child before you even knew what you were actually doing. Its been documented.

Now that being said, if you can learn to please yourself, then on nights you can't get some or are feeling extra antsy you can take care of yourself. Sure its nice to have se, but I have jerked off before bed when in a relationship. My stamina and desire is much higher than anyone I have met and usually they can't go more than 3 times (if I'm lucky) in a night. So a little solo play, sometimes made even better by my partner kissing me or gently touching me makes it an even greater experience and we both go to bed feeling good. She's satisfied and I'm satisfied.

You don't like initiating sex yet you don't like masturbating so I'd say you're out of luck until you change your attitude towards either.

Yes, the twice-a-day sex does diminish upon further acquaintance but you have to remember that previously you two were more frantic and uncertain about each other's affection whereas now you two have more assurance. Still 3 to 4 times a week is a nice normal sexual schedule.

We've all heard about roleplay and lingerie but neither will sustain an increased interest for long - they too become boring after a while.

But would you say you know EVERYTHING about your husband? I doubt it. Your husband most likely doesn't know everything about you either. Now is the time to investigate! This is where The Program and Body Worship come into play. Find, read and then do.

A man peaks in his sexual performance at eighteen and a woman at twenty-eight. Roughly every other day is quite typical at your ages.

Either take charge of his body as Evil suggests or take care of yours'. Since about age thirteen, I have masturbated regardless of other sex in my life.

I have this problem. My husband does not seem to have very much interest in having a physical relationship with me. I do not want to divorce him because of the dreadful effect this would have on the children, and because I still love him

"Ducy" made some very good points. I especially think the point of masturbating in bed with your husband would really help. Sometimes you do it and have him caress you. Other times if he is willing to make you cum through whatever manipulation he'd be willing to do.

Just before and a couple of months after the birth of our son, my wife's drive was very low. I found it so much more connecting to have her caress me while I masturbated just before bed. Other times she would do the stroking. In fact she bought me a sheave at a local shop. Occasionally, watching and hearing me be excited, got her aroused and we'd have sex. I think it is fairly universal that men tend to be visually stimulated. I'd think seeing and hearing your arousal would tend to stimulate your husband.

Personally, I'd think that the most important thing would be for you to talk to him about your feelings and desires. It seems to me that most men want to please but hate to hear criticism of their competency. I'd highly suggest that you keep the discussion about what you'd like, instead of what he's not doing. Or worse yet, what he is doing wrong. So "I statements" like, "I'd like to stimulate myself. May I have you hold and caress me for more connection with you?" would be better than "I'm unsatisfied and I need you to do more about it."

There is nothing worst, IMHO, than to make it your partner's job to make sure that your physical needs are satisfied. If it is your responsibility then the other partner doesn't have that responsibility to preform. But I'd also make it known that you'd appreciate anything they'd be willing to contribute toward your needs. It might take a while to build trust that your needs are not their responsibility. To me, making my needs my partner's responsibility turns my needs into their job. Which seems to add more pressure and makes it into a chore, not connection and fun. Please keep us informed how things are going. Good luck.

i am new here
ArianaCary: i think talking with this subject with your husbend might tell you why he became like this
plus , first you have to look at your performance at bed , you might need to make or add some extra to spice thing up

Dirac,

Whatever is in your DNA can you share it with my wife? She has very little interest and I'm like you. And I pretty much always have to initiate. It sucks. My ex and I were in the 3 to 4 times a week and that felt normal. Now I feel neglected.

You know, if men REALLY did NOT like 'coaching', I'd be out of business.

Hey Blue Per- find read and then do The Program and Body Worship - it just might change your (and her) love life.

From the perspective of a guy in OP's husband's shoes, I will say a couple of things. If he's anything like me, it's probably a similar case.

My wife likes to have sex far more often than we do have sex, but it always seems like we're stuck not doing it for one reason or another, and most often I find myself using the age old stereotypical female response of "I'm too tired." It would help quite a bit if she tried before 11:30pm when my alarm goes off at 5:30 and I'm facing 12 hr work days. I cannot confirm it, but I think she has that same dislike for initiating that you do Dirac. If she would set aside that inhibition and be more forward in initiating sex, we'd probably have sex daily, but as it is, once a week or less has been more the norm. Maybe it's time for me to start being more proactive about it as well, but that's how it has been. I would strongly encourage you to be more forward and initiate when you feel sex is appropriate, but he seems to be missing the cue. It may result in more frequent sex.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, we're 26 and married 3+ yrs to put it in perspective

I'm in the same boat as the poster but I'm a newlywed!! Before the wedding we were having sex roughly 3 nights a week. Sometimes less, sometimes more. But a job change a month before the wedding has changed things. He works nights, I work days, and we live with my dad because my husband had hurt his knee at his previous job so money is short right now. While he wasn't working we had sex alot. We've talked about it and have stated the obvious-all the changes going on. He's a wonderful lover and I've told him so but we just don't hit the sheets. It's hard enough to get time alone with our work schedules let alone living with my dad. I've tried explaining that while oral and manual sex is wonderful I still want penetration. But when we go to bed we go to bed. I just don't know what to do. I've tried initiating and I've made him cum so I don't think he has a problem there. I feel like he's no longer interested in me but that's not what he says. What can I do?