Aside from other difficulties that can cause these problems (depression, medications ect)

It's becoming dry and painful because she's not aroused properly.
Either you're not doing enough foreplay, or she's lost sexual interest in you.

How much foreplay are you having?

The doctor is a good idea. But, have you people heard of "personal lubricants?" Huge industry.

I dont see how being dry is a sign she has no interest. It could also just be a number of factors. Stress and anxiety, time of the month (dont know if this could be case, but I notice my fwb gets super wet about a week before her period, but after her period she is so so), could be SAD (no not the emotion...Sexual Arousal Disorder) I mean there are women in this world who are barely wet even if they are aroused.

Like brandye said. Personal lubricant and a doc!

I agree with the other posters. Be sure she is getting enough foreplay and also use lubricant. Water based lubes wash off easily and are a great help with dryness. Also, if she has experienced pain with dryness, she may be expecting it to hurt again, which would continue the cycle. If a woman has any fear of intercourse, her body will react to that. So, again, be sure to take your time in warming her up and don't be afraid to use lube.

Sex should be fun, and not a struggle. Especially for her.

Being dry is caused by many things - even simply not drinking enough water. My new favorite lube is OTC lube, which I love much better than Astroglide. I have actually only seen it here: http://littlepleasures.org/otc_super_lube.htm

I hope this helps some.

kon - do not be dismissive about this. Seeing a gynecologist should be done to rule out medical causes. Increase foreplay by including Body Worship. Use lubricants. I do hope you are using condoms and that she's on her BCPs.

BODY WORSHIP WRITTEN BY EEK:

The following is a detailed account of how body worship is done. Either gender may do this to their partner or you can both try to do this simultaneously to each other, which is a blast and lots of fun.

Begin with your partner naked and lying face down onto the bed. Using an edible oil, begin lightly massaging neck, shoulders, and, arms, slowly working him/her over from head to toe. Repeat using heavier and heavier hands. A woman doing this to a man may have to use her full body weight here, while also nibbling, kissing, licking, biting, scratching, caressing in agonizing slowness every where you had previously massaged. Use your body, your hair--everything, to lightly trace arabesques all over your partner's body. Mix it up between a heavy touch and barely felt, between pleasure and just a hint of pain. Take your time with this. Then slide back and have him/her roll over.

Do the same on the front as you did on the back but DO NOT TOUCH his/her genitals. Save those for last. Once again take your time, be slow, slow, slow and lingering - you want to drive him/her mad with lust. Then when he/she is at your mercy, you may then engage in sexual intercourse beginning with oral sex and progressing through to earth-shattering multiple orgasms for both partners.

When I say all of his/her body I do mean all of his/her body including nibbling fingertips and sucking toes. Breathe on his body hair to ruffle it. Feel free to experiment - does he/she like it when I do this? Lick scars. Kiss the outer corners of his/her eyes and lips lightly with just a hint of a moist tip of the tongue. Slide your fingers in between and up along his/hers. Do several things at once in an attempt to provide sensory overload. It is all good. The more adventurous can add in vibrators for P-Spot/G-Spot massage as well. Please note that no equipment is required. You do not even have to use the oil.

The only caveat is NO TICKLING. If you do inadvertently tickle, immediately wipe the sensation away using a slightly heavier touch on that area.

USE CONDOMS - it is completely unfair of you to NOT bear you share of the burden of safe sex while expecting her to fill her body with hormones that put her at risk. Or haven't you ever read the warning that comes with those BCPS? What kind of a man are you that you let her do that while you get off 'scot-free'?

Kon:

Have you discussed the use of another form of contraception such as an IUD? Or had her discuss the TYPE of hormonal method used? Perhaps a change in the BCP might be of help. If she made the choice not to use a condom; so be it. I would look at the risks with the pill, the matter of "sex being a struggle" and as a Practitioner discuss other BC methods.

Much depends on the risks you are willing to take with getting a potential STD & pregnancy. If you are at the point of moving towards marriage; changing to a C.Cap with a spermicide is a good option IF an unplanned pregnancy will not significantly impact your lives. For many years during [and just prior to marriage] the older type of C. Caps with an added spermicide was the best option for us. And no hormones; later due to Ovarian cysts, I did not tolerate the Pill well [the old ones] and went to Depo provera shots. However, realize again the Depo is also a hormone and many do not tolerate it well, I had no issue but the underlying issue was stopping ovulation due to multiple cysts. Now, I would have an IUD inserted since they have advanced medically over the years very well--the Dalkon Shield was all which was offered years ago for an IUD; now they are obsolete and have been refined.

kon - so you let women pull you around by your penis?
Besides which, she's no feeling aythingbut pain.

[quote=kon;217295]
And is there a link here for info about risks related to bcp's??[/quote]

here you go--there is also additional info on all BC if you go to the home page:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/bc_thepill.shtml