I just wanted to ask what to do... i am in a loving relationship with my girlfriend but she has anorexia. She is struggling with her eating disorder but we do both enjoy sex. She is so tense about her body. She really struggles to enjoy the nakedness and lovingness of it all. I talk to her a lot and we never do anythung so not happy and comfortable with... i just wonder if anybody has any more advice about how to make her bit more comfortable? xx I tell her how beautiful she is (although i know she is very thin) and say all th right things i love her with all my heart...anything i can do? xx:)
Thu, 04/26/2007 - 19:16
#1
sex and eating disorders
Ummm. Did you not just ask last week if your b/f would get you pregnant if you gave him a BJ? Now you are wondering how to handle your gf and her eating disorders? Am I just F*****g clueless???
I think if your answer is yes to all of these, you need time to get your life straight.
Are you really the girl and don't want to admit to being the anorectic one for fear of opening yourself up to the comments that could be associated?
This is a subject very near to me because my wife has been dealing with anorexia for about 6.5 years now. She is finally back above the weight she was when this started, but its a life long struggle for people.
One question that I believe is VERY important to find the answer to is: Does the anorexia stem from a poor self image or from a desire to gain control over something? I used to think that anorexia was about body image, but more often than not it has nothing to do with it. It is about the ability to exert control over something in your life. It's something to focus your energy and attention on. It's often everything BUT what it appears to be.
I have no answers to give, other than the advice to ask more questions. Once you find out the real things behind the anorexia, you may be able to start figuring out why sex would be connected. It was/is for my wife and neither the anorexia nor her anxiety about sex had anything to do with food or eating or body image.
My very strong advice would be for you/her to start talking to a psychologist sooner rather than later - because this will not be a quick fix by any means.
I use to be bulimic. It was horrible and its never fun. But honestly, there is nothing you can do. She will never be happy with her body, even after it has apparently gone away. It never does.
But things will get better.
You just need to let her know you love her and tell her constantly, and show her. No matter how many times you tell her shes beautiful it won't help. But keep telling her she is. Its just nice to hear
She is in a very bad position right now and needs all the love and care she can get.
If she isn't already, take her to see someone.
Its hard, but hopefully you can get her through it.
Also, don't make sex the most important thing in your relationship.