when should you have sex again after having a baby?
Don't know. Let's see what dear ol' Brandye and EEK have to say.
... just a "could" combined with a "want"! :)
6 weeks after a regular birth is the classic doctor's advice. But practically; it's when the bloodflow stops. Unlike sex during menstruation, sex during bloodflow after birth could risk serious infection. Which could stop as early as 3 weeks after birth. If there was a tear or epi; that off course also needs to have healed completely before attempting sex. Consult your doctor when in doubt aespecially when your situation somehow wasn't as "regular"- to get yourself the medical "go".
When a woman wants sex after birth depends on so many more things. Emotionally; just the experience of giving birth and the being a mother to a newborn can be enough reason to not feel ready for sex. Physically; the body needs some time to normalize hormonally, which does tend to influence the sexual desire. The vaginal area can still be very sensitive and hurt (particularly after a cut this can take months). Women sometimes do not lubricate as easily, particularly when breastfeeding. You could solve the latter by using lube. Or by having sex without penetration, of course. Some women soon after birth feel scared of becoming pregnant again, which also needs to be respected and usually passes over time as long as there's no pressure from their partner (or themselves!).
Point being; there's nothing wrong with you when you don't feel ready yet. Nothing weird about it when your sexual fire is burning!
I hope this reply helps. If you're asking for yourself then I hope you've had a beautiful birth and baby. Wishing you all the best!
A gentleman waits until he's wanted.
It is generally recommended that you wait until the first post-natal exam which is generally scheduled at six weeks after delivery. The determining factor, medically, is the healing of the episiotomy (perionotomy), if one was done. Otherwise, you may be cleared earlier, about four weeks, depending uponhow the interior organs had been affected.
It will take a while until the woman is really in the mood. Her sexual parts have been out of sorts for a long time and the excess weight and breast development may deter her.
Just for my own curiosity, all this talk is in regards to penetrative penis/vagina sex right? I mean, if say a few days after or whatever the mother wanted an orgasm you could do maybe oral or just a clean gentle finger on the outside right? My wife was out of sorts for weeks, but I've known female friends that could barely hold out a few days. I'm sure there's a whole heap of "use your own judgement", but I was just looking at it from a functional standpoint. if you're not stretching anything or poking anything or whatnot, does the excitement and orgasm itself cause issue?
Let me take side-track first in order to get to my opinion.
The main priority after birth for the mother's body is triggering the uterus to contract. On the inside of the uterus where the placenta was attached, there will be a wound after birth. The placenta needs to be expelled. And the uterus needs to become small and firm in order to prevent the woman from bleeding out and to start healing. Nature has designed an eloquent system for this, with all kinds of "little helpers" in place. A baby's natural instinct is to do a "breast-crawl" meaning it will move it's little legs as if it's crawling or walking up the stairs in order to get from the mother's abdomen to her breasts. This movement on her abdomen helps the uterus contract. Once the baby latches on and starts sucking to breastfeed, one of the benefits is that this triggers waves of the hormone oxytocine, triggering the uterus to contract. Women who breastfeed therefor tend to heal faster and have less trouble with long after-bleeding, anemia, etc. While the oxytocine also has the benefit of triggering more hormonal processes, including those that make you feel bliss, sooth pain and make you feel like bonding to whoever you're facing (guess who! :))
It's a combination of processes many (ex)breastfeeding moms will recognize; you breastfeed, you feel it in your pelvic area too. You orgasm and you start lactating too.
An orgasm also releases oxytocine, with all it's benefits. And an orgasm also makes the uterus contract. Therefor I'd say achieving an orgasm couldn't be wrong for the healing process, could even be beneficial.
So if the mom feels comfortable and wants to, I'd say go for it! :)
There's just the aspect of hygiene to take into account. There's an internal wound and sometimes external wound that need to be prevented from getting infected. For instance; women are generally advised to avoid baths the first weeks after birth for the same reason (shower is perfectly fine and if bathing is preferred or is considered beneficial to support healing of a cut or tear, then a special mild disinfectant like kamillosan should be used in the water instead of regular soap). So I wouldn't think of oral sex, given the excessive amount of bacteria that live inside the mouth. Given the bleeding -which is far more excessive than menstruation and includes rather large amounts of tissue- oral doesn't seem much practical either ;)
The mouth harbours more bacteria and other nasty stuff than the vagina. Oral is out until healing is complete. Not many women are interested in someone poking around, clean finger or not, after what they have been through. Firmus, you sound like some of our youthful members who keep looking for the loophole that will allow them to do what they want to do.
Her body has been through a lot. If she wants to do herself, that is up to her and she may after a few weeks just to reassure herself. Couples tend to see the "six week check" as a milestone. Certainly each couple can come to grips with meeting some of his needs while not putting her at risk.
I totally agree on the mom being in charge of setting the agenda, Brandye. But I've reread Firmus' post and I don't see why you would respond like he's asked something wrong...
I think he's actually making a good point that "sex" holds very different definitions, instead of the focus on penetration that everyone is always so set on. I've been to several workshops for pregnant and breastfeeding women (moms bringing along their babies along as young as 1 week old). And it's fascinating how many women are actually walking around with questions regarding sexuality that they don't dare to ask. Or when they do ask, get very short answers instead of proper information from their doctors and nurses. Getting signaled that they're "not supposed to be concerned about such matters now". When really; there's nothing wrong with a mom when she's not interested in sexuality at all. Nothing wrong with a mom when she is.
I agree, Red, and if cuddling is on the menu, fine. It will undoubtedly result in an erection but any woman who has become a mother, at least willingly, certainly knows a few tricks to take care of that.
What I was responding to was the tendency of some to keep modifying criteria. Perhaps I was a bit harsh in my choice of words and for that I apologize. But, for godsake, no cunnilingus until all, internal and external, healing is complete!
No worries ladies! Those are the answers I was looking for. :)
I just remember my wife's doctor saying "no sex for 6 weeks", and I'm a very detail oriented type of man. I always seek clarification, but for some reason I had not back then. I was still fairly closed up a number of years ago, sexually, so I've harbored those thoughts a number of years. Hence my question above. With my oldest at 10 and my youngest being 6, that show how long I've been backwards. Haha!
And Brandye, I've always very much liked your straight forward "gruff" responses to me. That's my favorite quality of yours in this extremely limited relationship. If I'm being a dumbass please tell me with those swift words of yours. :)
Thank you, Firmus. Perhaps I can become a bit clinical and perhaps my occasional insensitivity to the male point of view both come into play. In any case, Thanks.
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