Hi everyone, first time posting on this forum
I just had a few things you all may be able to help me with, to start off, me and my lady friend have only been dating for a short time, but we are sexually active together, and i mean very active :D, but she wont really let me see her completely naked, she is very self conscious about her body( even though it is amazing, damn she has some nice hips =P) and im not quite sure how to help her with that
I understand where she is coming from as i dont exactly have a Hercules figure myself, but it makes me feel like she does not trust or respect me enough to let me see her and im not quite sure how to help her in this regard. now the other issue, she has recently had surgery on her lower lady bits to remove a tumor which has left her with some pretty nasty internal scaring, and unless i am extremely careful she will go into bad fits of pain, and it kills me to see her curled up in tears on my bed and me not being able to do anything, so i was just wondering if anyone had some suggestions on how to be gentle but make her feel good.
im very good with my hands down there, but she does not like me giving her oral or any finger play (a relic from her childhood that i would really not like to elaborate on too much here, but i think you get the gist of it)
i would appreciate any advice you all can give
I have an occasional male friend who has been married for thirty years. He has never seen his wife naked. He knows it is a sexual evening when she asks him to do the dishes and she disappears to touch up and put in her diaphragm and then reappears in a flannel nightie. The lights then go out.
It happens. Your wife has some real issues with her appearance or early messages about sex. From parents, church, friends. wherever. Only she can work those out and she will likely need help to do that. The worst thing you can do is make a big deal over it.
The surgery issue requires a visit to the surgeon. This should not be and it can be repaired.
About her shyness - I had the same problem with my GF but she slowly stopped being shy, we can now have sex with full lights.
About her surgery - I can't help you much there, have you tried lubricants?
If you haven't and are going to make sure it won't have a bad effect on her scar.
I wish you the best of luck.
Thanks for the advice you guys, yeah i think ill see if she wants to try some lubricants, now that i think about it it would probably help a lot.
See the surgeon first; then, try the lubricants. Something is definitely different from before the surgery. That needs attended to.
Counseling would also help. Face it: previous bad experiences, tumor surgery, repeated pain during intercourse - the lady might need to talk to a pro. And you need to back off a bit and think more about all that she's dealing with than about your feelings re: not letting you see her naked.
She's not doing it because she thinks she's ugly - the reasons are far deeper and far worse than that.