Hello,
I recently got into a relationship with an amazing woman. I'm writing because I'm looking for some guidance. We would both like to have sex but are both equally worried about unwanted pregnancy. I haven't had sex in several years; she is a virgin. I've looked at some of the stickies here and a few [URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/ic_herfirst.shtml"]articles on the main site. I have started reading up about [URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/bc_index.shtml"]birth control but would also appreciate feedback from you all :).
I plan to use a condom every time. She has never been on the pill, and is worried about any psychological side-effects from taking it. Personally, I avoid medicine/ pills etc. so I understand why she would like to look at other forms of birth control. If possible, I'd rather opt for something physical and not chemical (I get bad reactions to chemicals [I've been looking into natural/organic water-based lubricants]).
My girlfriend recommended looking into spermicide. Is it safe to use in conjunction with oral sex? We'd both be dejected if we couldn't alternate oral/vaginal sex throughout intercourse because of the spermicide.
I would really appreciate any advice :) Thank you.
I'm not a person of any substance for this, but from what I know the pill isn't necessarily a "chemical" any more than your naturally occurring hormones are chemicals. They are just versions that are changing her chemical makeup to block the state of ovulation. Basically the chemical is tricking the ovary into thinking it's already released an egg when it hasn't.
The benefit of the pill is there are several types that you can try if one gives any issues. My wife was on it for the better part of 12 years, other than during pregnancies that we were trying for. She never had any side effects that I was aware of.
The main benefit of the pill is (so long as she's regimented taking it) it's always there. Condoms can run out, or you may not have on with you all the time.
Take care...
The Forum on birth control has some threads worth your reading. Here is a brief overview of contraception choices.
All the hormonal approaches (pill, patch, implants, ring, shot) are equally effective. Women tend to have more difficulty adjusting to the longer term approaches such as the shot or implants or pills that “eliminate” periods. The ring places the smallest amount of hormone in the system and tends to have lower chances of side effects. All of these will yield about three pregnancies per year for every one-hundred women using them.
The intra-uterine devices have similar effectiveness but very different side effects, mostly cramping and bleeding. 95% of women seem to adjust within about three months. Some doctors will not insert iud’s before childbirth; others will insert any time.
The rest are all barrier or chemical based. Most have improved effectiveness in combination. The diaphragm or cervical cap each require the use of vaginal spermicide; the sponge is a barrier impregnated with spermicide; condoms are much more effective with vaginal spermicide in place before the penis gets into position. All of these yield about 15 pregnancies per year per 100 women. The most common spermicide used is Nonoynol-9, a detergent that has been used for over fifty years. Some few people do react to this but there other spermicides available and one can change if a reaction occurs.
Vaginal spermicides all taste bad but are effective immediately (except the suppository which takes about twenty minutes to melt) upon insertion. If oral play is desired the insertion of spermicide should be delayed until just before penile penetration. The joys of sex are accompanied by risk of pregnancy. You two must decide the level of risk – of pregnancy, of side-effects – that is acceptable.
You can also look into "natural family planning." The more effective approaches do require training of both partners to identify the yes-days and no-days. I do not recommend it for newly weds or not yet weds.
Hi all,
First of all, thank you for the responses. We really appreciate it :). I have a follow-up question. I read Brandye's thread on spermicides and plan on using vaginal jelly (so spermicide + condom). Are there any additional considerations we should have if we are planning to also use a lubricant ( Introducing something else would dilute and reduce the effectiveness of the spermicide, but not enough lubrication poses the risk of the condom breaking )? I'm assuming the spermicide jelly isn't a proper lubricant substitute on its own.
Thanks again!
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope the two of you will enjoy participating. I hope that your reading will include the many articles listed in the Index found at the top of the main page. I recommend that the two of you read all of the articles, discuss what you have learned, and add the entire information to what each of you already knows. Knowledge is empowering.
My recommended approach to birth control is simple: Look out for and protect A#1--you; each of you. Do not rely upon the other person for your protection.
If you are not ready to become the father of a child, take the initiative and use a condom.
If she is not ready to become a mother, she must take the initiative and use some form of highly reliable contraceptive, be it some form of the pill, shot, an IUD, or barrier method such as the diaphragm or sponge.
As a third line of protection, the two of you should also use a spermicide.
If your girlfriend is not interested in a hormonal method, then she should think about the diaphragm/spermicide duo, sponge, or perhaps an IUD that is recommended for women who have yet to give birth.
As for using a lubricant, so little is used that to the best of my knowledge it will not contaminate the spermicide.
> but not enough lubrication poses the risk of the condom breaking )? I'm assuming the spermicide jelly isn't a proper lubricant substitute on its own.
Your statement makes the assumption that your partner does not or is not producing a lot of vaginal mucus/lubrication naturally and as a result of being highly aroused. That she is/does, does not mean the two of you need additional lubrication. Now, having said that, I always recommend using a commercial water-based lubricant with a condom. Why?
Applying some to the glans of your penis (only) before rolling the condom on will provide more wiggle room and thus friction, thus making arousal easier. Applying lube to the exterior of a condom will help make penetration easier, and if she does not produce much wetness naturally, then stroking and thrusting will be easier.
A spermicide is located well inside the vagina placed around the diaphragm or by itself. A lubricant of whatever type, even saliva, is handy at the vaginal opening and along a finger as well.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
-doc
If you use spermicidal vaginal jelly (Gynol II, K-Y+, Koromex), you will need no other lubrication. They are essentially water based lubes with spermicide (Nonoxynol-9) added. The other vaginal spermicides (film, foam, suppositories) do not have the same lubricating properties.
Direct answer: the vaginal jellies are lubricating. Nothing else needed. A secret on use is to use a full applicator in the vaginal and rub a bit of the outside. Also, latex condoms are much more abrasive than the poly or iso condoms. Not much difference most of the time but that does make a difference for a "very active" weekend.
I too was an the Pill for a substantial number of years and found using them to be a huge blessing! Less menstrual problems along with no pregnancies - what a deal!! Had me dancing, I can tell you!
And no problems coming off of them either. Had two children as planned and desired without any difficulties.
Truly, a no muss, no fuss and no mess solution.
Sure there are risks but then there are risks when using a bathtub too and as far as risks versus rewards - the rewards of freedom far outweighed the risks of taking the Pill.
My birth control of choice is Natural Family Planning. And I'm in my mid twenties as well. In fact; I'm so happy with this method, that I've chosen to become a certified counselor to share it with the world :) Learning and using this method has deepened the connection with my body. Also for my lover at the time; it was an exciting journey of discovery and created a more profound understanding. Should you be interested, I've made a rather detailed description of the method here: http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/birth-control-stds-sexual-disorders/2886...
Personally; I can see what you and your gf are aiming at when it comes to BCP. I've used BCP for 10 years. Prescribed because I was having long heavy painful menstruations, complete with anemia. After being in total misery for a year, all I wanted was my life back. Not to mention I was only 12 and come from a family where they'd wish there was a pill for everything to take daily :rolleyes:
I didn't understand the full impact of using the BCP, until I quit. My senses awakened; for all this time it had felt like living in a body wrapped in plastic. My body shaped up effortlessly, I had been unnecessary bloated for years without realizing. I became emotionally more stable; I thought being in emotional turmoil was "just being me", it turned out to be "just side-effects". Surprisingly: even my menstruations got better after I quit(!) Instead of long and excruciating (though not as heavy on blood-loss, I've got to give BCP that), they became short and fierce. When a few natural cycles later I discovered orgasms help relieve crampings, I became better at handling my menstruation than I ever had been with the BCP and all the painkillers available.
Let me note that my experience not need be hers, or any other woman's. Every individual body is different. Side-effects come with chances and statistics. A random woman could end up on either side of the scale and anywhere in between. Like EEK so vividly describes, BCP can be a true blessing for women. It is a wonderful invention! And we shouldn't forget that. But neither should we forget that it remains medication. Contrary to regular medication, one we usually put into a healthy body. Birth control is a decision every person and couple needs to make for themselves. One in which many decide to sacrifice one thing that outweighs the other in favor of a very good cause of preventing pregnancy. After all; the side-effects and long- and short-term health-problems that can occur during and after pregnancy are not to think of lightly. Not to mention the little result with hands and feet that comes with it :rolleyes: