Hi there, I'm a 19 year old male who has just gotten out of a 3 year high school relationship with a girl I really love/d. Now I'm not going to dwell on the past as there is a slim chance we will get back together so I have chosen to move on. Now the thing is, is that girls my age have had several sexual partners and I have only had one. With my old partner sex was fine, I never had problems lasting or pleasing her (except the first few times :p). I am not embarrassed about my size or anything like that. A few weeks ago I was with someone who wanted to go all the way but I just couldn't. I was too nervous to go ahead as it felt very similar to my 1st time. I was worried about finishing too early or not pleasing her. I'm too used to my old partner and its like starting over again. We still had a kiss and a cuddle but nothing really more.
I am looking for any advice on how to proceed in these matters as I wish to move on and get into a relationship again. Does anyone have any advice on how I could relax more so that all goes smoothly?
Thu, 01/17/2008 - 00:20
#1
Second Sexual Partner.
Yea, I know the feeling. What I ended up doing was just trying to look at it like it was my first time all over again. I think that you'll end up being nervous for the reason that you stated, it's a new girl, and you were used to the old one. I know that it's not much help, but that's probably just how it's going to be until you have sex with her a few times.
Generally the first few time with any new person is a bit awkward, it takes time to find out what each other enjoy and how. As far as the split with the last one; regardless of what happens in the future with her, move on. Forget about her for now. If things change in the future then fine but you are both single and free to pursue your own personal lives without disclosure to the other...it's never relevant.
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums, Joe. I hope you enjoy participating.
Please begin your participation by reading the Board Notices section at the top of the main screen, particularly the Index. This contains a listing of several helpful informative articles on all manner of topics of concern.
It is important to understand that experience equates to knowledge, not skill.
It does not make much difference how many times a person has had intercourse or even fooled around with Foreplay, or, how many partners have been involved. Why? Because each time a new partnership is formed, there will be a new Square One from which the two of you will start. Please read this again. As you continue to date and perhaps get into an intimate relationship with one or more, you will have more "first times", so do not fret or worry or stew over all this.
What is important is to explore and learn together in partnership. No one expects either of you to perform flawlessly the first few times you make out or have intercourse. This is unrealistic. Did you ride a bicycle perfectly the first few times you sat upon one? Same difference. I've been dancing for nearly twenty years so you'd think I'd know how to pull off a good dance even with someone I have never danced with before. Not necessarily. Each dance with a different person becomes a new "partnership" in which the two work together as a team. There is a period of adjustment as the two of you learn how to respond to each other and this can be from a few beats of music to a a few measures.
Sex is serious business, however, you should not take it all so seriously that you cannot have fun and enjoyment because you are so caught up in being perfect.
Do not talk about or discuss past lovers or escapades. Keep what happens between you and the present girlfriend between the two of you. What happened or never has happened before NOW has no bearing on the hear and now.