O.K. so most of you are gonna say, "You have it perfect why are you complaining." but still it bothers me.
My Girlfriend and I recently became sexually active. We've engaged in oral sex a many times. Lately however she says that she doesnt want me to pleasure her. But she LOVES to give me head. I never ask she just starts doing it. Its fantastic. but whenever i reach my hand down her pants, or begin to remove them to pleasure her. she takes my hand away. she says that she doesnt need sexual pleasures. at first I thought maybe she was on her period and was embarassed but it has been going on for 2 months.
I was just wondering if any other girls feel this way. She says that she gets just as much pleasure from giving me head as she does when i do it for her. Are there any other girls out there that love giving their guys head w/ out getting anything in return.
Well I do like getting in return, but it's not a big deal if I don't (and it's not something he does anyways). I love giving him pleasure. I gives me pleasure to give him pleasure, if that makes any sense. I get turned on quite a bit while giving him a blowjob. There's just something about having him under my control and watching him squirm and make all sorts of noises that gets me going.
OK, folks, I need help with this situation, also. I look forward to a long list of helpful suggestions and insight.
For me the fact that she repeatedly pushes your hand away when you approach her genitals seems to suggest a hesitancy for commitment and complete involvement in the relationship. It is not unlike the displeasure women display when a man attempts to make love with his socks on!
I get what thetease is saying; the difference between the two seems to be that your girlfriend does not want any reciprocation and this is troubling. That she doesn't at least want to meet you half way by undressing and letting you at least do some cursory caresses indicates to me any of the following:
* she doesn't want to fully commit
* she is afraid of not being able to stop (you) if you are granted access
* she does not understand that aspect of you that enjoys the stimulation of seeing and touching her needing to be satisfied
* she has a body image problem
* a fear of the unknown and perhaps not knowing how to handle or react to your private caresses
Whether one of these or something else, I believe the two of you need to talk. When you do, structure the conversation in a positive upbeat manner, that she understands is to seek answers and not be accusatory or demeaning.
If your conversation sheads some light, then encourage her to let you proceed in small easy stages. So, instead of one of you pulling her panties down or off, suggest that for a few sessions you just let your fingers roam over the surface of the material. Next, perhaps slipping a hand down the back (buttocks), fingers down the front front, or along the crotch for a few sessions in order to get her used to your touch and these increasing levels of intimacy. Then, sometime in the weeks to come, if and when the panties do go down/off, take it very slowly and do not rush to part her legs and get to the pieces-parts of the lower vulva. Spend time fingering and massaging the Mons, the folds of the upper vulva, the shaft of the clitoris that is buried between, and then as she gets used to this, slip a finger ever closer to the upper juncture of the inner (small) labia (lips). Do not inch on down to touch her clitoris, instead let your fingers trace along one or the other of the inner lips, fingering, kneeding, and massaging them, first. Let her confidence in you, and the greater intimacy become comfortable. Then, you can move on to the clitoris and beyond if it is her wish. If not, then at least she is meeting you half way.
If this is indeed what is happening, the worst thing you can do is to push, demand, and beg. Your intent should be to comfort, instill trust and confidence, and to give her time to adjust. You need answers, so begin with a conversation designed to learn.
I agree with thetease, sometimes giving is just as rewarding as receiving.
She might also not have very much self-confidence when it comes to receiving. She might feel uncomfortable letting herself go completely to enjoy the experience. I was very shy at first, and it took me a long time to get over it. Just try to take it slow and don't get frustrated.
The thing is though that I have fingered her and gone down on her before. I have pleasured her to orgasm many times. But now she says no. I have talked to her a little bit. She says that she just doesn't need it. She says that she loves it but she doesn't need it and she can't explain why she doesn't want me to take her to orgasm. She says she gets all the pleasure she needs from pleasuring me. But I feel selfish because she gives me head all the time and I really want to return the favor, because I get an extreme amount of pleasure from getting her off too.
She said that whenever we're together I should try and put my hands down her pants and if she says no to stop however she said there will be times when she wants it just not that often. So I should just try everytime to see because somedays she'll want it, but she doesn't want to ask for it.
Sometimes she'll let me rub her through her jeans (she even cums sometimes). But when I start to put my hand inside her pants she says no.
She does have a bodyimage problem. She isn't over weight but shes on the bigger side. I don't think that that is a big problem though cuz she flashes me all the time and teases me. She just doesn't want me to pleasure her orally or with my hands. I've seen her naked on many occasions. She isn't uncomfortable around me just other people.
She loves it when I massage her breasts and suck on her nipples though.
She loves it when I squeeze her butt too.
It is just confusing to me why she doesnt want me to do anything to her but every time we're alone she is putting her hands down my pants.
And it hurts when she says no becasue she is rejecting me. I feel as if I am not good enough.
I mean I love it, but I still worry.
It worries me that I did something that hurt her or made her uncomfortable.
And when I try to talk to her. She just says that she doesn't need it.
About the commitment thing, that can't be the problem either cuz we talk about the future alot, we love eachother from the bottom of our hearts and we plan on marrying eachother as soon as we finish school. We went through a stage of no sexual activity to show that our relationship wasn't based on sex but on us. Then we became sexually active again. but now she is in a stage where she doesnt want me to pleasure her but she wants to pleasure me all the time.
I know that girls don't need to physically cum to be satisfied like guys do. But are there any girls out there who feel good enough from giving head that they don't want to be pleasured in return?
just a question pos89171 have you said all of your last post to your girl?
have you said how you feel bad when you get all the pleasure and cant give it back?
have you told her it hurts you?
i think she feels like she has to pleasure you more so you want to stay with her.
i would advise compleatly opening up to her and tell her your worries and concerns and how you love to give her the pleasure. maybe she will just need a little time you need to sit her down and have a very long detailed talk on feelings, ideas and generaly what is on her mind
good luck tell us how it goes
SCAR
Maybe it is because she is afraid of losing me. She wasn't the most popular girl back in highschool, She only had 1 "boyfriend" who she was bestfriends with all through middle school and highschool. He never was really interested in her like that though, they never went farther than kissing either, never even fondling, they broke up from his lack of interest. She recently told me that she had never even been on dates with any other guys. Only with me and her ex. She said noone ever asked her.
Whenever I tell her she is beautiful she says "thanks but noone else thinks I am". So she does have a body image problem. She was heavier in grade school and I guess that may have been why she didnt get alot of attention from guys, but she lost that weight, and she is amazingly gorgeous now. It makes me feel really bad that she sees herself like that.
But what baffles me is that she used to let me go down on her, but not anymore.
I'm gonna take her to one of our favorite spots where we usually talk about this stuff and broach the subject. I hope I can find out whats wrong.
Thanks everyone for your input.
Please leave more as you see this thread.
Yea, something is going on and I'm not sure she is willing or able to confide in you. If not, then you have to be willing to be available whenever she is, and, to let her know this.
That you once were able to pleasure her hands on and no longer can is an issue.
That you can do it through her clothing but not hands on is a confusing signal.
That she does not recognize that you have needs also, and two of them being the satisfaction you receive in reciprocation; the other being the same sort of turn on and satisfaction she receives in touching you hands/mouth on that she is denying you. This is the troubling part to me for which I do not have an answer.
I would not plan making any further marriage plans until the two of you have answers and a solution. When it comes to intercourse, that is a natural extension of a hand job and oral sex would seem out of the picture. I'm sure you've pondered this aspect of your future love life. If not, me thinks this needs to be a part of the discussion, also.
Your girlfriend's response to your compliments about being beautiful is also troubling. Stating that no one else thinks so is almost a put down or dismissal of your truth as if to say she doesn't believe you. If you have seen her in the altogether several times then the body image problem while possible, does not seem to be what is at the core of what is the matter. The core as I see it is that she will let you fondle her sometimes through her clothing yet no more hands on or mouth on--or at least rarely as far as the hands go. The questions become why only "sometimes" and why only through her clothing? I'm not at all suggesting that you do this, but it would be an interesting exercise to learn how she would react if you turned the tables on her and said she could rub your penis through your pants but that oral and hands on were not important to you. Having said this, it might make for an interesting philosophical discussion during one of your conversations.
If your discussions do not shead any light, then I think the two of you or at least her, needs to have some counseling before you take your relationship much further toward marriage.
One caution.
Playing amateur psychologist requires some skills that are not simply Freudian. Freud was really great at suggesting why people did weird things, but not horribly successful at changing behavior.
In other words, you can spend a lifetime trying to understand human behavior. Understanding it doesn't change it.
A somewhat simplistic observation is that you are not being a couple. In a sense, it really doesn't matter why. What matters is whether or not you are going to share.
She doesn't need it. You need to give it. That's a problem and - to some extent - it doesn't matter what the "it" is. It could just as easily be saying "I love you." If she doesn't need to hear it but you need to say it... would you expect her to put her hand against your lips and stop you everytime you start to say it?
She's actually being quite selfish because she's not interested in your needs.
The fact that she wants you to "try" to put your hand in her pants unless she stops you is... well, cruel at best. It doesn't really matter why she's doing this, does it?
I certainly do not mean to suggest a lack of compassion... if there's something gone "wrong" some patience and understanding would be in order, but focus on the change and what should be. Do not get caught in the cycle of trying to understand something without fixing it.
Hey heres a thought that hasnt been explored yet...:o
She alows you to suck her breasts, squeeze her butt and even rub her pussy through the pants, but doesnt alow you to get "into" her vagina correct?
possibly, she could be experiencing embarasment about something inside, or aroud her vagina...:confused: meaning that she thinks that its not a "good looking" one.. perhaps she has a cut.. scar anything that would make her slightly embarrased about you snooping around in there.. because if you are able to give her OTHER sexual pleasures, then she certainly isnt "tight" but perhaps, embarased about her vagina..
just a thought---:cool:
14vroldvirgin