If you have to ask whether you've had an orgasm, then you probably didn't...

If you masturbated to orgasm, you know what it is. If you are having similar response, you are having orgasms; if not, not.

Given the discomfort you are reporting I doubt that you are getting there. Also during sexual arousal, the vagina balloons and, unless you are very small, he would not regularly be "hitting the top." Perhaps part of your problem is you are really not sufficiently aroused.

You two should have some "non-entrance" sessions. You do anything you want except take the penis into you. You will feel whether or not you are responding without the wondering whether it "will hurt this time."

Yeah he's probably bumping your cervix a bit. The average length of a vagina is like 3-4". And then when you're aroused that increases to 5-6" to allow for penetration. The cervix kinda pushes up and back outta the way. So if you aren't completely feeling it and in the mood...its going to be more painful because your vagina is "shallower".
I've experienced that "hitting your abdomen" kinda feeling, and it's not pleasant.

And especially if he is trying to thrust deeply, once it gets to a point where it won't go any further. He needs to calm down a bit. And you need to speak up a bit.
He can't tell how you feel...without you telling him. You're just starting out so it takes some time getting used to it.

Dear Confused,

Your boyfriend is not as skilled as he needs to be. There should be no "ripping" and "feeling it in your abdomen" just juicy pleasure - repeatedly.

1. spend more time on foreplay - there are plenty of "sticky posts" here to inform him how to do this properly

2. take the time to get to know eachother's bodies up close and personal

3. he has to learn how to tell where he is when he's inside of you by watching your reactions - so TELL HIM when he's there or too far or whatever - sex should NOT HURT. Yes, men like being coached so don't be shy about it.

4. study up on anatomy - he should know the clitoris, the G-Spot, and the posterior fornix and how to stimulate each area

5. You should study up as well - fair is fair - so pay attntion to finding out his 'hot buttons' and don't be shy about pressing them - repeatedly - drive him wild!

EEK, a lot of men do not like to be coached.

A lot of men think that putting it in and thrusting is all he needs to do, and, due to ego, any sort of suggestion will be ignored.

No Eph, BOYS do not want to be coached, MEN want to please their partners- and, yes, they do want to be told "oh baby that feels good right there, Oh do that again, baby!" etc. Or did you prefer she yawn and ask "are you done yet? Hurry up, I have things to do."

What did you think coaching meant?

and your response leads me to ask you another question, Eph - how many men have you been with? You may not find it helpful, and your buddies will ALWAYS lie to you, please, its a guy thing - they lie, so who to believe? Me?

Well, that's an important difference.

But how do you differentiate between men and boys? - and yes, BEFORE you're in bed with them. Then it's a question of likelihood with age and maturity. However, I'm assuming the original poster is relatively young, so she might not be comfortable with dating an older man.

By coaching I assumed (and still do) that you meant teaching a man how to please a women.

[QUOTE]and, yes, they do want to be told "oh baby that feels good right there, Oh do that again, baby!" etc. Or did you prefer she yawn and ask "are you done yet? Hurry up, I have things to do."[/QUOTE]

No, boys want to hear that too, they just expect it to come without any work. No guy, boy or man, wants to hear "are you done yet?"

EEK, I have never been with a man, however, like most people, I have female friends who have been with men. I find that women are less inclined to lie about sex if they're already talking about it. Many boys, young and old alike, think that simply penetrating makes her see heaven. True, no?

So, this, in relation to the original poster, is important, I think. The original poster has not told her sexual partner about her confusion and pain. This is pretty common among younger less experienced girls. Guys tend to be foolishly overconfident with sex to begin with, women, from what I've been told (and hell, sociologically it makes sense), tend to be more timid.

Confused, you need to talk to him about your concerns so that sex between you two can be a more pleasurable experience. Communication is key.

He probably thinks that he makes you see God every time you guys have sex. Let him know how you feel, and if he won't listen, AS MANY YOUNG GUYS ARE RELUCTANT TO, let him know how it has to be or cut him off.

I hope things get better!

Differentiate between boys and men? Easy! Those running toward me are men. Those running away are boys. Those who listen and learn are men. Those who do neither are boys. This is regardless of their actual chronological age.

Confused:

You need to have a heart to heart chat. At 26 he should know what he is doing...if not give him a book...."the joy of sex" and have him read (you read it too). Perhaps he has never been with someone who is a virgin and is lost (benefit of the doubt here), if not time to say AMF assuming no improvement/efforts in a short period of time...

FYI: Barnes & Noble carry it. If too embarrassed go to eBay or amazon.com since they ship...

Alternatively, she could talk to me privately and get one of my books - Orgasm or Superb Sex would be best in this situation I think. Both are available, affordable, and downloadable over the Internet. Thus her privacy is assured.

[quote=confusedaboutsex;201581]Thank you both very much..I was going to give him a heart to heart the next time we were together. Unfortunately our short relationship ended yesterday. Very bummed about it. But I would definitely like to read all of the above mentioned books. They sound like they would be very helpful in the future. Thank you all so much, I really appreciate it.[/quote] Sorry to hear, Read Evils....first...might help you out more over time!!!

Never mind, dear. There are more men out there and there will be those who are interested in you. Next time - do NOT date anyone exclusively, but play the field or, as it is called, "sport date" as many men as you have time for. This way you can refine your requirements and learn just what exactly you want in a man.

tell him it hurts and when to stop you should not be in pain