1. You should be comfortable enough with him that you're comfortable being naked in front of him. Looking at each other naked is intimate, but sex is even more intimate. If you can't handle him looking at you, maybe you're not ready.
2. Condoms break very easily, and fall off easily, and don't work if they're not on properly. You would most likely want to have some kind of backup...like spermicide, the pill...yes, it's expensive - but having a kid is much pricier.
3. That's complicated, and it's not like you'd want to rush it quickly before your mom comes home...especially since it would be awkward if she walked in before you were done...Don't know what to tell you on that one.
4. This is where intimacy would come in, if you're being lovey-dovey and snuggling, it's easy for it to evolve into sex. If you're just friends, it's hard to casually go from standing around and talking to having sex. Maybe you'll have to be more than friends?
5. If you can't get wet enough, you can try using lube. Lube helps a lot, and some lubes are spermicidal (two-for-one deal!) If he can't get it up, try pleasuring him in another way. Don't make a big deal out of it though, or he might get embarassed.

If you really want to have sex, I hope you're really ready to deal with what comes from having sex. If you're nervous, it's your body/mind telling you that you're not really ready yet. You should be confident in this decision that it's what you really want and that you won't regret it later. Good luck.

> I'm sixteen, nearly seventeen. I suppose I could really do with some advice and reassurance.

> The way I'm thinking of it is:
> Everyone says your first time is supposed to be special, but if it's going to hurt and be akward its not really going to be that special anyway, and (not to be cynical or anything,) in this day and age, nothing is really sacred.

If you have been reading any of my recent posts you are aware that I've discussed both the physical and the emotional components of making love and in particular engaging in intercourse. That first time intercourse may be uncomfortable or painful only addresses the physical aspects of the act. Intercourse is indeed special and one of my earlier posts, today, talks about the emotional closeness and intimacy that results from a melding of the psyches.

No matter how much prior experience one or the other of you may have, the first time you join with with a new partner, a new pairing forms, each unique, each with a new set of dynamics, likes, dislikes, preferences, and quirks to manage. In short, there is a learning curve that each person in a new relationhsip must master.

> Sacred? Oh yee of little faith, comprehension, and experience. Please, give yourself time to mature and grow as a human being.

> So I figured, this guy is a mate, he'd look after me and be nice, he wouldn't shout his mouth off to his mates (proabbly because I'm not really that popular in school) and he likes sex rough like I imagine I would (not the first time though...)
We could be friends who have sex. Safe and casual. Perfect really. No feelings involved. It's ok with both of us.
We've already discussed it over MSN, how we'd do it and things like that.

Sex without feelings? Now, that is a new one. What would be the purpose and goal of this?!?

> But here are my worries:
> 1) I'm really concious of my body and worried he'll be disgusted or I'll feel horrible.

If he enjoys your company, spends time with you, exhibits an engaging personality, and wants to be near you, then as a male of the species, I can tell you that he will accept you totally and unconditionally, even if parts of you are as yet unseen.

> I don't want him to see me fully naked, especially not in daylight (or any light really.)

Fine, but please understand, he may have the same fears and at some point if your relationship is to flourish, you will have to come to terms with what I just said.

> 2) Is a condom enough for contraception? I wouldn'tknow where to start with all the pill and spermicide stuff, I don't have any money, why is it so expensive to have safe sex!

This topic was also addressed earlier today in one of my posts. The time of life a person is most likely to become pregnant is during the teen years. Why? Because of hormones and carelessness. If you are not ready to become an unwed mother and perhaps have the plans for the rest of your life forever changed, then you need to look out for Number One and use some form of contraception. If you cannot afford the pill or one of the other forms of high reliability products, then look into something like the diaphragm, cap, etc. Have a discussion with your doctor or healthcare provider, school nurse, etc. There are many types of contraceptives and not all are expensive. The right one for you should be a decision arrived at after a discussion with this person.

Used properly a condom has a pretty low failure rate, yet in the hands of an anxious horny boy, they can easily fail because of carelessness or defect.

> 3) Where and when!? My mum's rarely out, and we can't do it at his. And I think I'll have to do it soon or the moment will pass and we'll go back to the comfortable friend stage, and I might regret not doing it while i had the chance.

Quite frankly your comments indicate you are rushing into this without a plan and for all the wrong reasons. Once again, this was addressed in an earlier post of mine today. I recommend that you read Brandye's message in Chick Chat about whther you are ready for sex.

> 4) How? Do i just open the door and go "hello, come on, lets go have sex shall we?"
then after
"thank you, bye!"
It will be akward.

If you have to ask, you are indeed far from being ready and prepared. For openers, I recommend you spend several days reading what Brandye and I and a few others have posted on the Board.

Please tell me what is driving you to have intercourse and not just to be satisfied making out?

Physically, a hand job, oral sex, and/or the two of them together are much more intense and pleasurable than intercourse. The realm of intercourse is with the psyche, something you will have to grow and mature into in a few more years of life experience. So, if you want pleasure, then limit your excursions to manual and oral sex. Intercourse and particularly the first few will not be that enjoyable or rewarding. So, while the body is able, the spirit is willing, the psyche has of yet come of age.

> 5) What if he can't get it up,

A condition not likely to happen. Whether it does or not, ask him to show you how to stroke his shaft and to guide your movements. In addition, learn where his hotspots are.

If you spend plenty of time making out, the chances of him not greeting you with an erection are minimal; although, occassionally it is possible for any number of reasons to loose an erection. If this happens, simply take the matter into your own hand and rebuild it. Making love is not what we do to each other, rather, what we do in partnership for each other. There is a distinct difference.

> or I don't get wet enough?

If you devote half and hour to an hour making out and doing so progressively in order to build your respective emotions, ardor, excitement, anticipation, and tension, while possible, is not likely. The vaginal mucus does change consistency throughout the month, and, depending upon other factors, may or may not flow adequately. If this happens, use saliva or some other lubricant.

>Or I bleed and it freaks him out? (It'd freak me out too..)

Place a towel or some other washable or disposable material under you. Unless he is as naive as you, he surely must be aware that tearing a hymen is going to cause some amount of bleeding. It may or may not be a lot. If you do not have an intact hymen, it may not bleed at all.

> Guys, I'd really appreciate some advice and help.
I'm not really interested in the "wait till you get married" perspective of things to be honest. I want to have sex.

My only comment is WHY?

> This seems like a perfect opportunity,

Perfect? How can this be if you are looking for a safe, secure, secluded, private, place to do it?

> But how do I get over my inhibitions and stay safe?

Your inhibitions about being seen nude come with confidence in him, in knowing that he admires you, the entire package unconditionally, and by undressing slowing over time in small progressive steps in order to let each new increase in intimacy become comfortable to you. Nobody's body is perfect. That you may not like this or that about it is probably not an issue to him. I can guarantee that he has much the same concerns connected with his genitals and how you perceive them. Really, these are non issues, so do not make mountains out of mole hills.

As for staying safe--asked and answered. Abstain.

> I'd really appreciate some help and advice.

Are you going to listen? Most women much older than you who did what you are contimplating at around your age have lived to regret their immature and self-centered decision. Your desire to do this may seem perfectly reasonable to you, now, yet at some point ya just gotta know that there are people older, wiser, more experienced, who know more than you do right now. You have come to us who are for information and advise, please do not make this toss our information aside as stupid or unreasonable, or that we simply do not know what we're talking about.

I'm not really trying to lecture you; yet I think Tuesday is way too soon for you to be doing this. You need a few weeks minimum to gather knowledge on many different factors involved and to choose the appropriate contraceptive method and then perhaps to be fitted for one if appropriate.

> I think I'll have to do it soon or the moment will pass

This moment may come and go. If it does, know that men are like busses, there will be another one along in fifteen minutes! You have the whole rest of your life ahead of you, there will be many many more opportunities in the future and as you wait for them the better prepared you will be and the better able you will be to enjoy them and get more out of them.

I urge you to wait for Mr. Right to come along in order to loose your virginity. In the meantime, expect that several boys will enter your life, be around for a period of time, and go. After all, that is the nature of dating and what this part of your young life should be all about. Finally, do not be so anxious to give away something so valuable and precious. Save it for the right knight in shining armour. If you are too quick to give it up, you may develop a reputation around school you do not want or deserve. (Take care of Number One.) I wouldn't be too sure that boys will not talk. Boys share stories of conquests and sexual escapades wlth their friends and the only safe secret is the one not shared with the the first of them. You really do not want to jeopardize your reputation or your health.

Got questions, comments, or concerns?

You know something, I was going to jump into bed with the first boy that really showed me any interest. We'd done other things just not sex. But i tell you something he made me feel sick to my stomach being with him and i'm glad i didnt lose my virginity to him, because although i'm now in a relationship which is far from being Normal due to the circumstances which surround it, but I love my partner to bits, he is the most amazing person, and yes we have had sex, and i'm so glad i waited because it was the most amazing experience, he was so gentle, i didnt bleed and he made me feel special. So i'm glad i didnt just lose my virginity to the first guy because it would not have been special, and i felt the same as you, ow yeh everyone else is doing it so I should, but you shouldn't do it, you should have more respect for yourself and your body, and some guys look apon you more highly for not doing it too soon or with any old trash who's just after one thing, that being sex.

Hey...im ur age!....i know how you feel!......im 17/f nad if you wanna talk my AIM is Sarah0o4

IM me cause i could use a sex talk partner that i can actually talk to ....my best freinds aren't doing the job..lol