Hi racer..nice to see another gay father on the board..u now join me and Oberon as the gay contingent on SexInfo101!

Welcome bud!

Well lets see if my input as a gay male with a son matters much if at all.

To answer question #1 and this is a hard one. Be serious how many outright gays have you ever met in your life? You said that you are straight acting and with that I bet few if anyone has ever pegged you as being gay, now can you reverse that mirror? For me it's just being myself and I don't get questioned however having a 17 y/o son stacks the odds in the straight direction.
How did I get a son being gay? Short honest answer was trying to be something I could not be but we'll cover that later.

Kissing someone of the same sex. Well this is a matter of opinion but you may feel the "connection" that goes beyond the surface, I call it an electric connection but that is subject to opinion again. In reality it's no diffrent than kissing the opposing sex and both have their merits.

Now you asked for this one from question #3... Only a guy knows what makes another guy really feel good in that we both have the exact same parts, only the intensity differs from one to another and that goes with prefrences and/or remaining parts such as foreskins. How far you choose to go is between you and your partner but my biased opinion is guys know how it really works. Again you and your partner will learn what works where and how.

Finally how can I answer this one. Im not exactly sure as my experience is limited to my best friend and lover of over 25 years! Do the math I'm going on 35 myself. I would say go with your gut feelings but don't expect guys to be lining up or taking a number to meet you. To be honest many gays are very timid knowing how bad they could be hurt by the wrong apple however some are very outgoing from what I have seen in the past so it's almost a toss-up. Guess I would start with some of the quieter settings and see what that gets you, I wouldn't start with the leathers on the first outing unless you want to get into BDSM then again nothing wrong with that.

Guess the shopping is not my strong point given the fact Ive had the same partner since grade school and even though we let each other "window shop" we always come back together and never "screw around". Its very rare that a gay relationship lasts this long however there are many exceptions to any rule, the fact I also raised my son as a single father also defies the rules.
How did I get my kid? 10'th grade trying to prove to a group of so-called friends that I was straight. Goes back to popping a woodie in the school showers when I was a freshman and I had to endure some serious hell, after that I met a girl who at first accepted me being a closeted gay and wanted to be my covergirl. Well we were horny on homecoming night 1986 and snuck out of the football game to try things out. Guess what happened 9 months later. My son was born and she turned away from me because her mother influenced her life to no end. The short of it: that was the best mistake of my life!

JR

[QUOTE=Quote (Brandye @ Oct. 03 2004,14:13)]Bi-sexuality is believed to be more common than among men. Some studies have given quite large percentages of married women who have outside affairs with other women.[/QUOTE]

Hmmm... Brandye, I don't really concur with this statement.  I think bisexuality is more common in general than most people believe.  Unfortunately, the male variety is so looked down upon that many men wouldn't admit it even in complete anonymity.  The numbers wouldn't reflect reality in this case.

[QUOTE=Quote (Greendale @ Oct. 03 2004,16:19)]Yes, I do agree with oberon that many "straight" people are going to gay bars these days which is weird. I wonder why straight people go to gay bars? Is it because that there are no other bars in town or "straight" people happen to find "gay" people really cool and fun down to earth people to talk to.[/QUOTE]

It could be because most gay people really aren't judgmental.  We know how it feels, and try not to do the same to other people.  (Not to mention, we generally play MUCH better music.)  I don't think it's "weird" at all that straight people go to gay bars.  Here in the states, most straight people in a gay bar are treated like royalty.  We genuinely appreciate having them there.  The ones that do come to gay bars are there because they want to be there, not because there's no where else to go.  

I don't really want to throw cold water on any enthusiasm you have, but don't expect to jump right into things with someone just because you are both guys.  You may go out and meet a "Mr. Right" immediately, but most of the time, it takes just as much effort as dating women.  If you do find someone with whom there is mutual attraction, sex may be reached more quickly, but the relationship issues are just the same as they are for straight couples... with the added pleasure of not being in a legally recognized partnership, general discrimination and having some segments of society completely look down on you.

Well, it is likely a bit different for us bi- women but here are some observations. Bi-sexuality is believed to be more common than among men. Some studies have given quite large percentages of married women who have outside affairs with other women.

My first heterosexual experience was very well planned, anticipated, worked out and a huge disappointment. With that particular partner, things never got better. My first experience with another woman was quite unexpected and the first time another person had brought me to orgasm. It was the first woman on woman for either of us and, I believe, a surprise to each of us that we could so easily for each other what boys had not been able to do.

Much less pressure to perform and no sense of possibly letting the other down. I will never give up heterosexual contact completely but my primary relationship is another b-- woman. We have rather specific rules and complete trust that they will not be violated. We also live with the constant reality that one of us may fall completely for some guy and that will be the end for us. A risk we are willing to discuss and live with.

1. How do you know if a man in person is gay or bi? (what are some good signs to tell...them being very feminish is one way to tell...any others???)

If you assume that all feminine men are gay, you are probably going to get punched.  The quickest and most accurate way is just to ask.  Of course, this can be an uncomfortable question.  Unfortunately, many men are offended by "Are you gay?" and get defensive, abusive and even violent.  A more subtle way is to spend some time getting to know the person you are interested in.  Pay attention to how they respond to "gay" things.  Lots of television shows to choose from out now.  "What do you think of that show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"?  could be a way to introduce the topic.   Most straight guys don't mind bisexual female porn... if you can work the conversation to that then find out what they think of two guys together.

2. What is it like to kiss someone in the same sex?

Probably the most erotic thing I've ever done.  Technically, there really isn't that much difference (and contrary to what anyone might think, I've done both)... depending on the guy.  If  you kiss a guy with a beard or five o'clock shadow, there'll be no doubt in your mind you're kissing a guy.

3. What is it like to give or receive oral and anal sex in the same gender?

Hmm... how to put this.  It's just a more masculine experience.  For one thing (and please, ladies, don't be offended), you are with someone who has a pretty good idea of how something feels.  You still need to pay attention to the person you are with- everyone's sexual response is a little different- but there is more instinctive connection.  

4. What is the secret of hooking up with the same sex besides the internet and going to gay bars?

There are phone lines (sort of like phone personal ads) and, of course, newspaper or periodical personal ads.  I don't know where you live, but most major cities have at least one gay bar.  Go through that area and find a gay publication.  These have ads for just about anything.   Just make sure you follow the rules for meeting with someone you don't know. (Meet in a public place, let someone know where you'll be, etc...)  Also, be very honest in any ads you place.  Remember, if things go well, you are eventually going to meet these people.  But also remember, not everyone is honest in these ads (some people have a very high opinion of themselves).

Don't be too quick to write off gay bars either.  You have a much better chance of meeting someone you're actually interested in if you can see them first.  You don't really need to worry about being seen in one.  Lots of straight people come to gay bars (what can I say, we know how to party).  Anyone you might see there would also have to explain to you what they were doing there.  Also, don't worry about being mobbed... come on to and being unable to get away.  I've been to more gay bars than I care to remember and, while I've never had a problem picking someone up, I've never had a problem fending anyone off either.  Most will accept a polite, "Not interested".   If nothing else works, you can always just walk away.  
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Fairly important, if you are just looking for sex, make sure that's clear up front.  You probably won't have a problem finding someone willing, but you really don't want to mislead someone into thinking you're available for a relationship if you aren't.

Please, don't assume all gay men do drag.  I- and many others- never have.  Cross-dressing just doesn't appeal to me.  Nor is cross-dressing strictly a gay thing.   There are also straight guys who cross-dress for fun and profit.  If this is a turn on for you, that's great.  Just don't think that all gay or bi men are going to find it so.

Finally, all of this is just my opinion and suggestion.  Feel free to use or ignore any or all of it.

Hmmm...I think someone owes someone else an apology. Just a hint.

Morning Green, sorry for being tardy, but usually i only post on weekdays (weekends are for me! hahaha)

Let me answer your first few questions and then i'll reply to your followups as Oberon did.

QUESTION 1. How do you know if a man in person is gay or bi? (what are some good signs to tell...them being very feminish is one way to tell...any others???)

MY REPLY: I think you're asking if there is any way YOU can tell if another person is gay - not you. Well, as oberon can attest, there are some gay men who make it VERY CLEAR they are gay. From having gay flags on their cars, to overtly talking to friends and co-workers about their life as a gay man. And while a many may sound, look and act in an effeminate manner, thats not always an automatic. The only real way to know is to strike up a conversation with guys you find attractive and kinda feel them out by how they reply. NOW that does not mean sitting next to a guy at the local deli, and directly asking him - if he's in the closet..he's gonna know how to aswer without giving away his cover. You have to build up some sort of relattionship with the guy so he trusts u enough to let out some subtle hints.

Now, you can save yourself alot of trouble, and hit the gay bars once in a while. You'll see that gay men have a full spectrum of looks, body-characteristics and styles. Thats one way to hone your "gay-dar." But, you have to be secure in your OWN skin to be able to do that...so maybe you should focus as much on who YOU are as opposed to who might be gay or not.

QUESTION 2. What is it like to kiss someone in the same sex?
MY REPLY: Well, as you know, i was married for 12 years, and have a 14 year old son. So i have kissed more than my share of women and now men. I will tell you that the first time i kissed a man, it was a real eye-opener. Now, what i'm about to say is from my personal perspective - not reflective of every gay/bi or str8 person in the world...but i found kissing a man to be ....more passionate. The women i have kissed seem to very much enjoy the softness of kissing. Female skin is much softer to begin with, so when i kissed a man, the lips were a bit less smooth, and of course, the facial hair gave an entire different feeling on my lips.

Kissing to me is a very emotional thing, so it was a key indicator for me as i was exploring my own sexuality after my wife and i separated. So, when i kissed a guy i was dating at teh time for the first few times, it really sent chills down my spine - because it was the first time i came to understand that being gay was not about where i put my penis..but where my heart would be at peace. So, kissing was crucial to my self-acceptance as a gay man. I learned that i would only find inner happiness and love with a man (relationship wise, i still have tons of str8, bi and lesbian gals i kiss hee hee hee).

QUESTION 3. What is it like to give or receive oral and anal sex in the same gender?
MY REPLY: Well, sorry buddy, the only answer to this is - YOU HAVE TO TRY IT! Now, if you're asking was i a bit nervous, and akward the first few times - hell yes. I mean, life dosn't prepare alot of us gay/bi men to be good tops and bottoms or good cocksuckers. And just know this, just like there's GOOD and BAD str8 sex partners..there are GOOD and BAD bi/gay sex partners. So, if your first time is a knockout....and the next time it's a let down....don't automatically think that its YOU.....more than likely its not. But, do yourself a favor..and tell any partner you find that you are NEW and INEXPERIENCED. If you come to trust them and want to engage in some form of sex, it will make it alot better for you then just going to an adult bookstore and seeing if u can "get lucky." And as we always say - PLAY SAFE! Trust me, there's plenty of time to find a life partner (male or female) and have all the bareback sex u want - just always have a condom with you. And ALWAYS talk to a prosepective partner about how important safe sex is - that will help when you get down to business and you'll both be prepared.

Now, i can tell you that for me, the first time i sucked a cock, or felt a cock in my ass that i was in heaven. It felt very natural and normal - kinda like the feeling of putting on your favoriate blue jeans - ya know what i mean? Just felt...right.

Now, afterward, i had to deal with the reality of what i felt and come to grips with it. Remember, i had been married, yada, yada....so i was running face-to-face with the reality that all i had been taught by society might not completely apply to me - sex, relationship and sexual identity-wise. But, i took it one day at a time, and luckily, my first couple of boyfriends were great help and supportive as i grew more comfortable in my own skin. I hope you can find the same.

QUESTION 4. What is the secret of hooking up with the same sex besides the internet and going to gay bars?
MY REPLY: Hell, if i knew the absolute answer to this, i'd be a millionaire! hahahahah
The problem with your question is that i'm not sure if you're asking how to MEET other gay/bi men for frienship...or if you ARE just looking for ways to meet men for sex. Which is it?
If you're lookin for sex, you can go to adult bookstores, gay bathhouses, and cruisy areas - you can go to www.cruisingforsex.com or www.squirt.org to find out where these places are.
If you're looking for places to go where other gay men might be besides a bar, you should find the local gay paper (i don't knwo where u live, but even in smaller communities, there are gay magazines and newspapers that will have a listing of social groups and other non-sexual things to do where gay men go and socilize. There are gay bowling leagues, softball leages, hiking and biking clubs and more. If you're smart, you'll find out where they meet and just be there when they are all there.....trust me...you'll be noticed!

I read a few of the other posts, and they have alot of great points. I'm with oberon, don't give up on the bars, just know that waht and who u see there is not ALL the gay/bi community..but trust me, you can learn alot there!

In closing, don't put too much pressure on yourself in the "who do i see myself with? male or female" question. The key is to be introspective. Look inside and just try and be honest with yourself. As you DO meet gay/bi men, just look inside and listen to your inner voice.

Now, also remember this.....str8 women LOVE GAY MEN! WHy? Because we don't have a sexual dynamic with them. We arne't trying to get in their pants..so many str8 gals become our (fag hag)..i know its crass..but it's just a nickname and hell..who am i to buck a tradition.

My hubby and i have many gal friends and enjoy their company alot. We also have lots of str8 couples and friends we hang with.....so a mix is key.

Just take it slow. Be honest with yourself and as always....practice safe sex if you play!