I have a friend who doesn't have a computer right now.(It crashed)Anyway she was wondering if something was wrong with her or was it normal to have a fantasy where she is raped. She wants her fiancee to act this out with her but he's scared to death of her having a flashback or something.(she was molested as a child and raped when she was younger) Is it normal to have this fantasy under such circumstances?:confused:
Fri, 02/09/2007 - 22:20
#1
Rape Fantasy
If she was raped before, then she must have enjoyed it for her to want it to happen again, this is very odd!!!
No. She said that he would come into her room and take her while she was asleep. Grab her by the throat and call her names. Stuff like that rough sex I guess. She asked me and I told her I don't know why she would want to relive something like that. I was molested and raped, But I do like occassional rough sex. However I don't want to play out what already happend.I think she wants to know if she's some deviant or something. She's weird like that though, she'll have rape fantasies but think finding another woman attractive is wrong.:confused:
I would think it's pretty bizarre; I cannot see a rape victim wanting to re-live the experience.
The two of them should have a therapist help them unravel this one. With that history, the guy has very valid concerns.
Similar thread
Same situation you are in
I was listening to the radio today.. and they were doing the top 10 women's fantasies and actually rape fantasy was close to the top.
I mean I can understand maybe "rougher" sex... but I do not understand this fantasy when the woman has ACTUALLY been raped..forreal... just doesn't make sense!
I told her the same thing. I don't know maybe some f***ked up stockholm disease or something. She told me yesterday that her other girlfriend told her the same thing( that she has rape fantasies). I'll let her know what was said here though.
From what they were saying... they like the situation of being the helpless innocent little girl taken over by the dominant forceful man.
I can't imagine ANYONE would want it to be like a real rape... have their clothes ripped...slapped around...forcefully penetrated vaginally and anally when they aren't even properly lubed. That would have to be the worst feeling ever.
she probably wants the rape fantasy BECAUSE she was raped.... let me explain
She was in this ****ty situation. Now she has someone she loves and trusts. She wants to experience again but know that she has the power to change it or look at in a positive sexually loving light, no matter how much of the submissive role she wants. She might act the rape out with this guy and not take control, but she KNOWS she can with him, it's a safe rape and she probably needs it.
There is no way to look at an actual rape in a "positive sexual loving light", rape is a crime of violence, not love, which stays with one forever.
Rough sex is not rape. With rough sex, there is still the element of consent where rape is an unwelcome and violent act that damages its victims. Thereby, there should be a distinction made between these two ideas.
I enjoy rough sex, but that in no way indicates that I would be okay with someone forcing themself on me.
Sera, I think that you have it right.
well I didn't mean "rape". I meant the illusion of rape. The woman understands that with her boyfriend it is not actual rape and it would not be unwelcomed and damaging, but an illusion of a submissive position in which, if she so chooses, she may end.
I think that sometimes WANTING rough sex, and initiating that act with a partner is a way of controlling that situation.
It was their idea.
They can stop if they choose. (Safe words)
I think many woman fantasize about their own man, who may normally be submissive, or not particularly aggressive as a dominant, pushy, figure who takes control, and essentially 'takes' them. And, IMO there is nothing wrong with this fantasy or scenario, as long as both partners agree on what will happen, and there is a safe word if one partner becomes uncomfortable.
Trust plays a huge role IMO in this sort of fantasy. Only when you absolutely trust and respect your partner can you safely play out any sort of domination or 'resistance' scenario.
Erm... Sounds like shes a little disturbed. it's normal for some woman to enjoy thrr prospect of play rape. But if she's been molested... bit odd... unless she feels slutty during intercourse and wants to be punished like she feels she needs... Counsellor needed...
thats crazy, she souldnt want to go through this again, though id like rougher sex, where my man will hold me down, tam=ke control and tell me what to do, though you cnat consider this rape since im wanting it, it turns me on to see my man acting like the "boss" but yea, he should be concerned, most people who get raped never want to remember it.
[COLOR="DarkOrchid"> NO ONE ENJOYS GETTING RAPED!!! Rape is when you don't want it to happen to you. It never leaves you, but you have to move on. Part of my coping now is having control in sex, or letting go of control. All the things I feared, I have come to like in a sense. I enjoy being held down to a degree of my "comfort", I like to have my boyfriend "choke" me sometimes, things that I am okay with. A few times I got freaked out and forgot that it was him with me and I was safe, but I know that I trust him. In a way, it helped to eventually "relive" it with someone I trusted. I just explored what felt right to me. [/COLOR]
[QUOTE=bilovely;175506][COLOR="DarkOrchid"> NO ONE ENJOYS GETTING RAPED!!! Rape is when you don't want it to happen to you. It never leaves you, but you have to move on. Part of my coping now is having control in sex, or letting go of control. All the things I feared, I have come to like in a sense. I enjoy being held down to a degree of my "comfort", I like to have my boyfriend "choke" me sometimes, things that I am okay with. A few times I got freaked out and forgot that it was him with me and I was safe, but I know that I trust him. In a way, it helped to eventually "relive" it with someone I trusted. I just explored what felt right to me. [/COLOR][/QUOTE]
Thank you Bi. People on here tend to get carried away like it's thier problem. They sometimes find it hard to distance themselves from how they feel and give an unbiased opinion.
I believe that sometimes it is beneficial to relive a trauma with someone you love and trust. Especially if that trauma is unresolved, as rape often is. Rape is the most under reported violent crime in existence because of the psychological effect it has on a person. A lot of women won't report it because they believe they did something to bring it on themselves, and guys won't report it because they do not like to admit that they are as weak as everyone else. It is definately a problem and needs to be dealt with. Sometimes the only way you can cope is to relive it, and that is what it sounds like she is trying to do. I think she should talk it over with a therapist and then, if she still feels the need to, she should pursue it.