"sigh...

From 14 to my 20's, i came at least 4 times a day- often 5, one time 7.

I was married from 18 to 26 and had sex with my ex at least three times a week- often twice a day (morning and evening)-- often two or three times per session.

From my 30's to my 40's, that dropped to 2-3 times a day, a few times a week when I had a girlfriend- but often for two to four hours (where she had dozens of orgasms & spoke in tongues, ejaculated, completely lost it). I could usually go twice, sometimes thrice over that time period.

In my early to mid 40's there were issues- it turned out to be testosterone dropping - which were finally resolved with hormone replacement therapy.

Then for the third time in my life, my relationship ended. This had been a wonderful one- over 10 years. The end came without warning and had nothing to do with sex (it was horrifically messy-- and involved a really rich guy (as in multi-millionaire) pursuing her at work during the day).

It left a terrible hole in me and absolutely killed my sex drive for about 8 months. It is slowly returning but I don't know if I can take that kind of risk in emotional closeness and intensity again. It almost killed me- the despair was so great and inescapable that I was suicidal for the first time in my life.

---

So that being said- Prudence is being incredibly sexist (there is NO doubt her advice would be different if the sexes were reversed) and definitely PRUDE ish. I lived my entire life without thinking three times a day was anything but normal-- once in the morning- once at lunch and another in the evening. If i had a partner, then we'd have sex if she was interested. Otherwise I'd jerk off- no big. I certainly had no problem that my partners were having multiple orgasms to mine.

Some women (and I dated one) just hate sex. No idea why. Abuse. A couple bad experiences. Failed to have a good experience. Low self esteem. Who knows. I had one two year painful period during the 33 active years of my sex life and if I find myself in that situation again, I'm gone at the six month mark. It's one thing to build a relationship and intimacy- it's quite another to deal with someone who really doesn't like sex. There are men that don't like sex-- women who don't like sex should hook up with them and they can go to quilting conventions and take pictures across europe together.

I want to be with a partner and feel that unique thrill of being completely alive when you explode with passion after approaching it slowly enough that your entire body woke up- you feel fire going down every nerve- before you finally tumble over the edge, drenched with sweat, locked into each other's eyes.

And on the days that doesn't happen, I want to jerk off in peace without some harpy trying to emasculate me. "

That story is just amazing! :D

I like the part about him dumping a woman after 6 months.. If it's not going to be, then move the heck on. Smart man!

Here's another fine quote from the comments section:

"Prudie gave one of the all-time red flags of bad advice: "Activity X is normal unless it becomes a problem".

Please. Please! Problematic masturbating would be doing it in public, or doing it to the point of self-injury, doing it while looking at the dog -- NOT doing it often enough to annoy your wife.

Honestly, I think Prudie's answer was sexist and ignorant. Women need to know that masturbation is like a human rights issue. Get in there and help or get out of the way, but don't be an obstacle to the most basic needs of a human being you profess to love.

If it grosses you out or makes you feel inadequate -- grow up. We have unequal drives and we all do what we can to manage them."

I gotta tell you folks, this was funniest set of comments I've read in a long while. This stuff is PRICELESS!!!

:D

And sexless marriages:

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/03/when-sex-leaves-the-marriage/?a...

As well as an excellent comment from a man who's wife does not have sex and hasn't in 20 years:

"Jill could be my wife! Married 35 years, sexless 20. I’ve heard every excuse. “It’s so messy”,
“You need a shave, maybe in the morning”
“We just took a shower, now you want to get dirty?” “I’m to tired”, “Could you hurry up?”

In every marriage, the partner with the lowest sex drive controls the sex, thus the marriage.

I love my wife way too much to bother her with sex anymore. My orgasm is my problem. So I take care of it quietly and discreetly. I will never initiate sex with her again.

And we get along just fine. We have a don’t ask don’t tell sex life.

Sure, she would be upset if she knew what she was missing. Not because she wants any, but because she thinks I’m happy without any.

Like I said, everything else is perfect together."

Life sure is complicated isn't it? :)

Another enlightening post:

"1. Like many animals, humans are naturally promiscuous. (The Myth of Monogamy) Unlike animals we have free will (St. Augustine) and the right to make promises. (Nietzsche)
2. Maybe our ideals of marriage are unnatural? To paraphrase, Freud said that the tyranny of Western Culture was to enforce the same sexual expectations on everyone. One might read Bertrand Russell’s book on marriage.
3. One can’t have a monogamous, sexual, loving marriage unless one accepts the idea that love means actualization of the Self through the Other. Can many people in our Me culture do that? Read John Paul II’s book on love."

YEs, I realize I'm talking to myself here, but this is good stuff for a Saturday afternoon.

Man, I need to get out more... :D

YIKES!!!

"It always amazes me when I read discussions of why sex in a marriage dwindles or why women lose interest in sex -that a really big factor is not mentioned -HYSTERECTOMY. About 650,000 women in America -EACH YEAR- are hysterectomized - parts necessary for a pleasurable sexual experience have been removed and severely compromised. The age at which hysterectomy in America is done is getting lower so that’s a lot of women across America who suddenly find themselves no longer interested in sex. Gynecologists hate to give up the cash involved in compromising a woman’s health, sense of well-being, and her sex life and marriage."

What's with this noise?

"It is absolutely horrifying to me to see that some of the bloggers on here use prostitutes, even though they are married. So sad! I feel terrible for their poor spouses.

Did she somehow think they were going to become married catholic priests just because their wives turned off the taps? Is this person dumb?

From reading this article, it seems like a whole lotta people could be helped either by agreeing that their spouse can pay for play or simply swing or have open relationships. Marriage is not about sex, and it seems that where sexual fidelity cannot be maintained in a marriage (i.e. partners can't or won't have sex for whatever reason, but the marriage is still sound), sex on the side should be accepted to ensure everyone's happiness.

Or am I completely off my rocker here?

Thank god I'm not married. Thank god I didn't marry the woman I was engaged to (thank God for her too! :D)

Another 4th or 5th standard deviation opinion:

"Why is this such an issue? We should be using our time and energy for worthy pursuits - sex is rightfully boring and juvenile to a lot of people (and it’s a base animal instinct - shouldn’t we be above this? have a kid or two if you must and go back to being a productive member of society). Seriously, after puberty this shouldn’t be something intelligent people waste time thinking about."

Wowsers? What planet does this person come from?

Fascinating isn't it?

And here's an interesting view on marriage or long term relationships period:

"I think, we as society, have been sold a bill of goods when it comes to marriage (or even long term relationships.) As heretical as this may sound, the very concept of a lifelong relationship seems to be a deeply flawed one, yet, almost all of us act as if that is not the case. Perhaps one of the greatest flaws is that most relationships are based primarily on attraction (lust), yet basing a relationship on attraction is a recipe built for disaster. For, as so many have written, when one’s spouse is no longer physically attractive, there is no desire for sex or any kind of intimacy and consequently, the whole reason for being in the relationship no longer exists. Sure, a very few fortunate souls can derive happiness in non intimate ways (which in reality is a glorified roommate), but, for the vast majority, they eventually find themselves in a relationship which no longer makes any sense. I think women appreciate this better than men, as they make the focus of their lives and their very identity, on how attractive they can make themselves appear to be. What is the solution ? I am not sure, but, it may start with realizing that hoping for a relationship that lasts forever is akin to believing in fairy tales."

Definitely some fat to chew on there...

And this is too darned funny!!!

"How about my story — a sexless affair. I met “Joe” a few years ago. We clicked instantly. I had just broken up with a long time boyfriend and he was married but he told me that she wouldn’t have sex with him, they were only staying together for the kids, she didn’t understand him, he was lonely and sexually frustrated, etc. etc. etc.

Long story short, Joe and I began a passionate love affair. It started out really hot and steamy. The “honeymoon” period lasted quite a long time — probably 2 years. But then, for some reason, things started to change. He wouldn’t call me for days, then he’d call at 10:30 pm and want to come over for sex, fall asleep for an hour and then leave. And for some reason the sex got to be awfully boring. I won’t go into details in a family paper, but he suddenly became really lazy sexually. I blamed myself because I had put on weight — maybe he was losing interest. Nevertheless, I could tell something was going on with him, but I didn’t know what. He wouldn’t talk to me and didn’t really seem to enjoy being with me. Yet he still wanted “sex on demand.”

I started to feel that “touch/sex aversion” that some other people have commented on. I just couldn’t stand the thought of him touching me. Seeing him naked grossed me out. I began to find him repulsive. I finally told “Joe” that I thought we needed to take a break from sex for awhile.

That was 2 years ago. Strangely, once we stopped having sex, we became good friends and we now have a very comfortable platonic relationship. We see each other fairly often just to hang out and talk. He’s still married to his wife and complains that they never have sex and that we never have sex. He’s stuck in a sexless marriage AND a sexless affair, both, I suspect, of his own making."

Hmmm, what's the common element in both these relationships? Some people never learn! :D

Realism sure ain't pretty is it?

"One comment I’d make is that people seem to assume that they should have a great marriage.

I don’t see why. One look at the divorce rate makes it obvious that marriages must usually not be great. My wife and I have been married for twenty years now — and since the average marriage around here seems to last about five years, people assume that therefore we have a great marriage.

They’re wrong. Really, at least for me — and I think for my wife as well, it’s more of a judgment call. Things aren’t all that great — but so what? They’re not all that bad either — and I doubt if either of us would be happier either single or married to somebody else.

So we’re still married. And why should I have to pretend that it’s great? It’s not — it’s better than the alternatives.

People expect too much from life. It’s not a Hollywood movie. My wife and I, we try to make each other happy. Sometimes we succeed."

That said, while it ain't pretty, this is the real world and this is what it generally looks like from a realist point of view. It's not Hollywood or Silicone Valley. It's the real world. Get over it...

Here's another crazy comment from this series of comments. How on earth do people develop such twisted and WRONG opinions? I have no idea:

"Let’s speak the truth, please.

1) Sex causes pregnancy unless precautions are taken, and sometimes even then.

2) Sex leads to STD’s. I’m sure everyone on this forum is 100% faithful, right? Affairs and prostitutes are common.

3) Sex is the swapping of fluids and germs that you would not put on your child’s toast. Your snot is cleaner - mmm, a glass of my spouse’s fresh warm snot, delicious.

4) Sex does not always work. Injuries, disappointments, etc.

Oh, sorry, we are supposed to be convincing people to have lots more sex, right? heh heh You’d think with almost 7 billion people on this planet coupled (get it, heh heh) with an increase in longevity that we would be convincing people to find other pleasurable experiences.

Now it’s time for the sophomoric ad hominem responses.

Cheers,
Robin"

Seems to me this Robin person has some real issues with sex. Body fluids more filled with germs than snot? Never taken any biology or microbiology courses I see... Sheesh!!! Sex does cause pregnancy, but clearly, more humans are the most evil thing on can imagine...

What can I say, the thing speaks for itself....

Lord have mercy, read this!!!!

"I married at 21 (I’m 51). The summer prior to my marriage, my wife spent 3 months with me. We had more sex in those three months that we’ve had in 30 years of marriage. Seriously.

I haven’t had sex in almost 11 years. The last time I had sex twice in the same year was 1983. Catholic guilt and parental pressure (hers and mine) kept me married. I had plenty of chances to have an affair, but never did because I didn’t think it would be an honorable thing to do. I’ve changed my mind on that."

Haven't had sex twice in the same year since 1983!!!! WTF???