ok... i have a ton of questions and need 2 vent to someone or something cause my girl is no help what so ever. i am 21 and she is 20 we have been together almost 4 years and living together almost 2... and we are BOTH still virgins... not my idea but i love her what can i say..
first off before me she had planed on staying a virgin only because when she was raised her mom kept her as far from other teens and sex in general as possible the girl couldnt even take sex ed in school... till we started dating she had no clue what sex was. she used to think humans only had sex just to make babys no idea that we get pleasure from it. over these long long years ive been slowly breaking her from her shell. me my self ive been raised around sex my friends started when they where 13 and my cousin started when he was 10... i was 15 at the time and still a virgin -_-.
but anyway i got some leeway from her and we somehow got to i guess 3rd base which she sweetly calls "making like" instead of all the way and it being "making love"... so basicly we just dry hump untill we climax and its over. ive been dieing to finally go all the way but she resist everytime and we end up back at making "like" i have a gazillion questions on how to get her 2 not be so afraid of it. how to get her to open up and talk about it without changing subject or getting scared. how to get her to stop thinking only sluts have sex. how to get her to be honest on how it feels when we do make "like". how it feels when i finger her. and a large list of others... i really love her and dont wanna leave her but i REALLLY need help or atleast someone to listen to me vent about how it feels to be born with a big penis and raised around sex so not afraid of it and being forced to be a virgin because the love of his life and future wife wont ever have sex. she even said when we get married we still cant have sex... =(...
if she isn't ready then she isn't ready, there are no magic words or special dances that will suddenly make her ready to have sex, all you can do is talk to her about it, in a place other than the bedroom talk to her about why she doesn't want to have sex, if she doesn't want to talk about it then tell her to think about it and tell you when she is ready, also i don't know if you two have tried or are doing oral but if not then that might help her become more comfortable in her own sexuality. the only two things that will make her ready is communication and time. if the no sex thing is damaging your relationship then you might need to cut your losses and break up, as low as it may seem to break up because she won't have sex it would be worse to stay in the relationship and have it go downhill because of this one issue.
thats the thing though we do have oral sex almost everytime we make "like". she just recently started masturbating because she figured out that it feels good when i finger her. while she prefers my fingers over her own she uses that little vibrator Trojan came out with. when we or i try to talk about sex in general not even us just sex in general never in the bed its normally in the living room and the subject comes up. shes to shy to talk about it with her friends and her mom raised her to think if u have sex before marriage you are an automatic slut. i have talked to her friends and tryed 2 get them 2 take her on a girls day and talk about stuff like that but she refuses to go. her best female friend the only one she just might go to for advice is to also a 20 yr old virgin so no help there.
i have been coming to this site on and off since i was like 15 or 16 because ive been curious about it but shes to stubborn to read or learn anything about sex weve got books that basically talk about and try to teach almost everything about sex, i have read them all she wont go near them.
sometimes she jumps on me when shes ready to do things and then it just turns in to 'like". but we've done it so much that i think her body wants more. it used to be she would cum one time and that would be it. now she cane cum like 3 times and still not be done. she claims im not as good at "like' (dry humping) as b4 but ive been doing the same thing when i mentioned that it could be her body wanting more then just that she got quiet about it. it came to the point where im just so sexually frustrated that i told her i wanna keep sex as far from my head as possible because we both know that it wont happen and while she feels good when we make "like" i kinda find it boring at times and get soft then she thinks its because shes " fat" or "ugly" or some other insult to her body when its far from it.
but as soon as i said i dont wanna think about sex she got upset. i cant just leave her because one i live with her and two we have been best friends for like ever and i hate her being hurt or sad and i know a normal guy might have left after 6 months or so with her telling him no sex not even after marriage. she gets curious for a split second and then it goes away. normally about other subjects she will read and find out no problem but about this she will look at something get embarrassed like its totally the wrong thing to do and leave it alone.ive even got her into watching porn she likes the animated hentai stuff but watching the real thing she either turns red from blushing or gets sad and compairs her body to the super tiny porn stars. there's a ton more about this whole issue that i haven't even got into but thanks for that bit of help. but if u can help with more id greatly appreciate it. its driving me crazy being with the one girl ive wanted forever having her doing everything a normal couple does (romantic date,movies,blah blah blah) and still nothing because of reasons she just wont tell me because shes to afraid to talk about it...
She will be ready when curiosity overcomes ignorance and/or fear. Until then--you wait, or, move on to someone else.
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I agree, and have also told people that they need to talk to each other. Relationships as well as "like"/love making are partnerships in which we do things with and for each other, not to each other.
I strongly recommend that the two of you read each and every article listed in the Index either together or separately, discuss what you have learned, and add the information to what each of you already knows. Knowledge is empowering, and she has a lot of catching up to do when it comes to "book-learnin'". Does your girlfriend socialize at all? I am surprised that girl talk with her friends hasn't enlightened her.
Please read the replies I wrote today. In one of them I listed several links to articles that discuss female masturbation and orgasms from a variety of perspectives. Encourage her to read these and then discuss the information. These articles are all in the Index, but not all in one place as in my reply.
I am also perplexed as to why she is not the least bit curious about her body, yours, and the natural processes involved. I would think after a while curiosity would prod her to seek information. I understand about having restraints regarding love, romance, and, sex--particularly when raised in a very repressive household and/or religion or region of the country like the "Bible Belt". I really do not believe there is much you can do except engage her in conversation if she will do this and share information. If she will not read the articles listed in the Index then you are pretty much at the end of the road unless or until she has an "ah hah" moment.
-doc
> i REALLLY need help or at least someone to listen to me vent about how it feels to be born with a big penis and raised around sex so not afraid of it and being forced to be a virgin because the love of his life and future wife wont ever have sex. she even said when we get married we still cant have sex.
OK, my friend, I have listened to you vent and I am happy to do so; however, you seem to be in a quandary, also. You have received help yet seem to discount our observations and recommendations. This, too, is fine, although when you choose the path of behavior, you also choose the consequences.
You want to someday marry this woman, all the while knowing that sex for sex sake, sex as an outward expression of the love the two of you profess to share, is simply not going to be a part of your marriage unless or until she has that "ah ha" moment. Shucks! why even bother having offspring then even though she has stated that this act is justifiable. My next recommendation in order to continue batting a thousand is to adopt when the time comes. She does not have to engage in an act she clearly is not happy doing, yet the two of you can become loving parents to infants who clearly need a good start in life.
I am beginning to think there is more to her position regarding sex than just having been raised in a repressive household. Surely you cannot tell me that she continues to close her eyes, ears, and mind, to what is going on all around her. Doesn't she know that people nearly everywhere in western cultures and many others are enjoying more than making "like"? She cannot be that naive. She has some internal conflict going on and not wanting to acknowledge the matter.
So, let me ask the hard question: You propose, she accepts, you get married, she refuses to hit a honeymoon home run, and all future advances that attempt to pass "3rd. base". Now what? You better have answers before popping the question.
All too often we hear from women who after marrying the love of their life state:
A. ...but I love him....
B. I thought he would change
C. I thought I could change him
Now that the shoe is on the other (your) foot, do not expect anything to change. She has already told you what will or will not happen in the future based upon what she presently believes. That said, what are you going to do?
What is the purpose of dating? How many people have you dated over the years? Dating has two purposes:
1. to have fun with someone else while out and about
2. to determine what humanity has to offer us in a potential mate and learning about different characters, ideals, goals, quirks, values, etc.
so that when Mr./Ms. Right does come along we will be better able to
recognize them. Dating does not begin and end with the first warm
body to express an interest in us.
I have no doubt that you're in love; however, this alone does not a relationship make! Go and meet different people and learn about them. Some dates will last a very short time, others longer, a few will be long term; all but one will end.
Your girlfriend has told you that for her, fooling around and making out and going as far as dry humping with what I presume means with clothes on (or not) is as far as she is going to go. If this is not what you want out of a relationship, why then are you not finding someone who will fill your every desire willingly and enthusiastically? From what you have been doing so far is complaining and settling. I guess this is and will be good enough.......
Here is my ah ha moment for you: By the very fact that she will at some point in time have intercourse with you for the express purpose of procreation, she also knows that there must be other reasons for making "like" and going beyond to making "love" and completing the process more often than not with intercourse. Shucks! you have explained this to her! So, why is she going to hold onto her vibrator in preference to your fingers, tongue, and, penis--your body and your psyche? If she is stopping with "like", then what does this say about her feelings for you? Why are you settling for less?
If after dating many other women she turns out to be "thee one", then you will really be certain. She will be there for you if you are truly the one for her. Right now all you have is wishful thinking and hope. The only proof you have that she is the one is her limited capacity to give of herself, her misguided misconceptions, and, her unwillingness to learn and explore and expand her knowledge. What then is she so afraid of? Ask her.
There's so much I want to say but since anything I would say would sear the flesh from your bones I will refrain from saying anything more than...RUN