I am new here, I found a lot of good information on this sight... Im glad I found this place. But I have a few questions that I need help with.
A little background, I am totally naive when it comes to turning my partner on, I was a virgin until I was 20 and have not had much experiance in the bedroom. My current girl friend I have been with for 3 months now, she is only the fourth girl I have slept with... and I was having problems with foreplay.
After reading the info here, I have many good suggestions I am going to be trying to get her turned on and ready... I never knew how important foreplay really was, because Im always turned on instantly.
My questions are this:
1. I always get a hard on when I go to bed, if I don't get off it can last for several hours. So it makes it hard for me to sleep if I don't have sex. Is it ok to masterbate myself while I am next to her? Or should I be more descrete and use the bathroom? Does this totally turn a woman off?
2. Is it to much for me to ask her to masterbate me if she doesn't feel like having sex? From my perspective, if she was as easy to get off as I am... I would have no problems doing that for her. But that must be a man thing.
3. She has told me she "Has a difficult time expressing what she wants from me sexually." I know this mostly refers to my bad foreplay... which I have not yet had a chance to try what I have read here yet. How can I help her tell me what she needs? She also says she is a bad teacher...
4.When we do have sex, I usually rub her little bump (rather hard) until she squirms and says she had an orgasm (which I dont think its an orgasm) and then we have sex after I do that. Should I stop before she squirms? Or should I just go all the way with it? I guess this has to do with foreplay.
I am totally clueless, and I am glad a place like this exists; any and all comments are welcome please.
Well some girls don't like masturbation so you're best bet to be safe is to just go to the bathroom. I've had the same problem before. It depends on the girl, some won't mind helping you out and others prefer to be in the mood and only when you're both wanting to do something sexual. Just talk to her and find out what parts of her body are more sensitve than others and see what you can do to help her relax and enjoy it. Just explain that you want to be able to please her orally or whatever and that you would like to know how best to do it so she really enjoys it. Again with the clit it depends on the girl. If she squirms in pain then don't do it so hard. You should try just lightly rubbing it or even just around it and see what kind of reaction occurs. Just go to the point where she really enjoys and is comfortable. You just need to explore and learn the limitations of her body and see what is best for her.
Okay so you two are beginners! You DEFINITELY need to improve your foreplay and your outercourse.
1. ALL of a woman's body is an erogenous zone. Explore it slowly with your hands and lips. Cuddle and caress. Lick, -get into it! Vary the pressures bewteen hard and light. Vary betwen wet and dry. EXPLORE her.
2. Take mental notes of what makes her moan, groan, wriggle and writhe. Listen to her body.
3. Encourage her to talk. Quietly purr questions at her like "mmm you liked that" wait for her answer before moving on
4. grining her clitoris as if you were making clitoris dust will only hurt, so stop doing it. Flickering the tongue while sucking on it works better esp if you also caress her G-Spot with two fingers while moving your hand rapidly in and out.
Got all of that?
Thank you Evil and med, that helps some... Ill take your advice on the masterbation thing; private is better.
I think the problem actually lies more in the relationship, which I will post in the appropriate section about.
But to go over the just of what I think is wrong:
1. She seems rushed, and almost seems to get bored when Im trying to kiss her all over. I do get into it, and yet she doesn't respond like I think she will.
2. I know she likes her ear nibbled and her neck kissed (gives her goosebumps; that is good right?)
3. I have asked and listened, but I feel naive and a bit shy I guess... something I need to work on.
4. The grinding; I start slow and soft and she tells me to go harder... but my finger is usually right at the top of her clit, applying pressure downwards toward her vagina. But sort of just pushing on the clit.
That is one thing I need to work on is fingering her g-spot, when I do go down on her I flick the clit with my tongue and gently suck.. but again I don't know if I am rushing to go down on her sometimes, if I should kiss her more first, or tease her a bunch, when to start fingering the G-spot...ect.
All of this kind of stems from a relationship problem, I can see it way more clearly now. She broke up with a real jerk almost a year ago, and she says her heart is missing... she wants to love me, but something inside her is holding her captive. I think her passion for me is not there, eventhough she wants to have passion for me. This is the underlying problem of why I feel like I cannot satisfy her.
That happens, just keep talking to her ad trying to work out the issues you guys have. Just find out what she wants and trying a variety of how you go down on her. Try a little more kissing and stuff and see how she reacts to that and try some different techniques just to see what her body likes. I'm sure if you give it time, her passion will release to you. Hang in there buddy
Try here
and here
Basically the topic of chemistry.... you can love someone but if the "sparks" aren't there...then it's not going to happen.
She broke up with a jerk - and now she fears that you might be one too so she's holding back - it has only been almost a year, ya know, and it usually takes two to recover. Hang tough and all should be well. She needs you to be strong, confident, quietly demanding that she step up, and yet understanding that she may hesitate to do so.