Hi All,
Hope all is well with everyone! I stumbled across this site and figured I'd give it a shot. In a nutshell, I'm a 33 year old male from NY who never had sex before and wanted to see everyone's, especially the women's, take on it.
I'm not gay or in a wheel chair or anything, it's just that the opportunity never presented itself to me. The term I've learned for males like me is Involuntary Celibate.
Basically my issue is two fold: Being a virgin, especially an older one and male, has a negative stigma attached, which I'm aware of, as well as many of you are on here (via people's comments over the years, the movie "40-Year old Virgin", etc). So knowing that you're viewed negatively, who would want to be with a Virgin anyway? There's really no motivation for me to go "out" and "do" something when you know what the public opinion is on virginity.
Secondly is people's "shock" upon hearing someone's a Virgin of any age confuses me. Everyone (including me) knows that it's hard to meet people, hard to ask people out and nothing is guaranteed anyway. The excuses I've heard from those who are suprised is that "Sex is natural" and "That's what we're all here for" and that "Everybody wants it", but knowing that "hey, sex is natural" for example doesn't guarantee that sex will happen to you. Plus what I hear is that everyone's first time sort of sucks. So to me, when I put this all together, people are shocked because "Really, how can you be 33 and never had sex before?!" while in the back of their mind they're saying, "I mean my first time sucked and I know it's hard to meet someone...." That doesn't make sense to me....
Sorry for the deepness, myself being a new poster. I just want to understand the mind of the "experienced" person when it comes to the knee-jerk shock response upon hearing someone's a Virgin (which I can never have) and with the prevalent notion that virginity = loser, so who would want to deal with you.
Take care all,
ToTdTl
Assuming that you don't necessarily "want to be a virgin" as the first reply focusses on, there is simply no shame in being someone who is more than willing to be involved in a sexual relationship but has not had an opportunity to meet the right girl yet. I am a male who never had sex until the age of 36. It's not that I intended on waiting until then, thats just the way things turned out. I'm happy to say that although I was rather late at beginning, I have turned out to be a very capable lover. You will meet someone eventually. That being said, I believed that somehow love would take care of itself. I probably waited a bit long for destiny, or the proverbial Ms. Right to knock on my door. But the reality in my case was that love didn't just happen until I put some effort into meeting someone. It turned out to not be so hard after all with a little leg work. Maybe I'm just lucky, but I met a wonderful girl and after a reasonable courtship period we were regularly having awesome sex sessions. Although she has a lot more experience than I do, she never seemed to have a problem with the fact that I hadn't been with a girl before. On one hand I wish I had made a point of getting involved with girls intimately years ago (look what I have been missing out on) but on the other hand, I look at the woman that I ended up with and figure I may have never gotten here if I were involved with someone else. To each theyre own. Hold your head up proudly. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. For those who may make an issue of it, just remind them that you are waiting for the right girl. Heck if it was just a matter of screwing someone you could go hire a prostitute, but in my case, I was much happier with myself knowing that when that special moment finally came it was with someone that I really cared about. It was worth the wait. Good Luck.
P.S.
If you don't have a lot of confidence that you will know what to do when that opportunity finally arrises, get yourself some sexual guide books and videos. They are a big help. Also, even if you aren't that into porno movies, they can be very educational (just don't expect real life to match the antics depicted in pornos).
Hmm... I don't know that it's really an answer to your post, but I'll tell you the first two thoughts that came to me...
One, are you happy with the way things are? If you are happy with your life and aren't interested in losing your virginity, then I'd say don't worry about what other people think. It's you that has to be happy with your life, not them.
However, if you aren't, then I find it incredibly hard to believe that you can't find someone to have a relationship with. Which leads me to...
Two, are you doing anything pro-active to help the situation? Chances are that if you don't put yourself into situations where there is a chance to meet someone that you'll stay a virgin. If you are interested in meeting someone, figure out what your interests are (books, music, etc.) and look for a partner that shares them. IE. If you like books, join a book club (reading club). Make a few female friends. Let them help you find someone.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being virgin (of any age)... as long as it's what you want.
Take care.