Okay, I need to know what is it with people today [obviously with me it's men] which ask for your phone number when they meet you [I only give my cell number out] who wish to engage in either phone sex or texting back & forth as if you are having sex with them?
I am not 20, over 40 y/o, and am a bit lost why grown men would wish to do this. I am not talking about sending a s/o or spouse an erotic message. I mean men who send really sexually explicit messages and behave as if they are having sex with you. Is this some sort of "Safe sex movement"? Or a technological "date"?
I never encountered it before since I was married, dated for a few years, then met someone. Now single for the past couple of years; I am finding this is the "norm". Very truthfully, I am lost on this one since it seems to be beyond rational explanation and appears very immature.
Furthermore, why send me a nude picture? :o
Thanks,
~Me.
Are you serious???? Are you kidding again?? Who is "Me" by the
way? What exactly do the messages say or could you simply be taking
them in a different manner than they were intended?
No I am serious. These are not married men either. They begin what are you doing? How is your day? Afterwards they get sexual...and explicit. It as if they are too cheap to call a 1-800 phone sex number or forgot their porno magazine. They want to engage is sex chat; meanwhile, I have just met them once, they asked for my number to call to go out.
I was not out looking for a "bootie call" either or on the prowl. Just out thought I met some men who are single. It's as if they want a phone relationship & not much more. I am very serious and confused.
I am not taking these out of context...they want a description of my underwear [in one instance] and request a picture in the underwear! Sorry, not questions I want to answer to someone I just met, they met me, saw me, talked to me, and I'm not going there with them.
Another guy took a nude picture of himself and sent that to me with "want to play?". Now, that is not a normal "can I have your number to give you a call for a date"[as they originally asked]. Or I am missing the "new" ways of dating? Have phone sex first then meet for dinner?
I signed "Me" as known either by user name or those who do know me by my name here.
I am not joking and really quite confused. What am I missing????
OH NO, CL, these are men acting like uneducated boys, caught up in the games boys now play who have not been raised to know the proper behavior of men toward women as well as common courtesy and etiquette. Add to this the fact that it takes a while before boys learn that girls look at romance and sex differently than we do and so they think that their brazen behavior will be accepted by a woman just because their actions seem normal to them, so why not a woman?
"Me"? If Sera will permit me (since I'm on line and she is not) is an informal pen name or nick name saved for people who we have a connection with and with whom we want to be less formal with--at least it is for me.
Me2
P.S. I believe it is uncouth for anybody kids or adults to text message each other instead of engaging each other in person or on the phone. Where is the intimacy? Where is the personal connection?
Sounds to me like you're meeting and giving your number out to a type of guy not suited to you at all. Take back some control over your dating...don't give out your number - take theirs and say you'll call them some time. In between the time you get their number and you call them (if you choose to) you can have a think about whether they might be suitable 2nd date material. If not - move on.
I was just teasing a bit about the "Me." I really thought she was not being
serious but evidently she was. Honest and truly, who in the world would
"go that route" so quickly into friendship???? I really find it difficult to think
that anyone with a small amount of respect would lead with that ..........
I would truly have to believe that things like that really don't happen that
often.......that sort of chat or conversation I mean.
Doc yes, you summed it up. This is what I have encountered more so recently meaning over the past two years and now seems to be the "norm". It seems as if the attitude of anything goes without getting to know the other person even vaguely. Much less wishing to engage in this manner.
Spark: Two of these men are around 46 or so. Both I knew from years ago as acquaintances for business purposes. One was a call I made about having a pool installed. Found out he was divorced, he asked how was my "ex", said the same--divorced. These by all appearances are perfectly acceptable men--until the phone conversation goes downhill. To be frank; If I am just out to meet a man for friendship and fun--I am clear about that. What is odd; there is an assumption women are just looking for a good time & the phone is their substitute without actually meeting. The one guy, I always said I would date if I was ever single & if he was; always thought he was decent. I actually gave them my number since they appeared to be normal. But they do not have my home number & found they go away readily when cut off. But the action is what is odd.
I am more accustomed to a date and men being forward by reading more into it than anticipated or wanted. But, this means of just calling & let's "get real personal" appears to be the norm. Why I asked; I know some of the younger people here get in chat rooms and get talking and the conversation goes sexual. But now the cell phone???? I am careful who I give a number to.
There is a guy on the hill from me. He just moved back from another state over the summer. Calls me up & said he notices I have not been dating; where is my "fiance; told him we split a while ago and I asked how he was. End of our depth of conversation [polite and neighborly]. At the end, he offered to "drop over if he could if I ever wanted some "good" company"...then said "you get me right?". I said yes, but no thanks.
The whole phone thing though has thrown me for a loop...and I am not going to ask my brother! Is this common???
[quote=constantlylearning;223322]I was just teasing a bit about the "Me." I really thought she was not being
serious but evidently she was. Honest and truly, who in the world would
"go that route" so quickly into friendship???? I really find it difficult to think
that anyone with a small amount of respect would lead with that ..........
I would truly have to believe that things like that really don't happen that
often.......that sort of chat or conversation I mean.[/quote]
I can give you about 12 names of men who are professionals...
Wow, I've never really heard of this happening to anyone. I have an ex that would sometimes send crude texts such as you describe, long after we had broken up and he knew I was with someone. I thought that was pretty weird and immature, but we had at least had a previous sexual relationship.. guys you barely know doing it, now thats something entirely different. Sounds like they are desperate for some action and just testing the waters to see what they can get. Maybe they think its less rude to do it in a text message as opposed to saying it to your face? Like they think you'll be flattered or something? Either way, it is a very immature thing to do and is just plain rude. You have every right to be offended and disapproving. I equate it to some guy walking up to a woman in a club, whipping out his penis and saying "hey baby, wanna have a ride?". Now, I have had that happen. Wrong, just plain WRONG!
Though it does make me wonder, if there are that many guys out there doing this, is it because they've actually met with success using this technique? I shudder to think that there are women out there who would be approving and even play along with this sort of behavior (and of course I don't mean when its with a s/o, thats a different story)
Hmm.. actually I think I know some girls from college that would probably engage in this kind of activity if they were approached the same way you were.. but then those are also the kind of girls who are likely to have been on Girls Gone Wild... classy broads those.
Someone is feeding into the behavior...otherwise if everyone stopped they would too. One person I can see where he has women who would feed into it due to his career. But I am dumb founded since I have noticed it but it was not very evident years ago...it was e-mail. Now this? But I have noticed it in more & more men lately. Maybe they love their Blackberry and live a full life on it? I did not know if others have run into this? Or any comments from the guys here?
Yes, immature but be careful the "dating pool" at my age is rather "thin". So you find all sorts of characters.
It sounds like they have been in long distance romances and well forgot you live around the corner. One of my best friends is on a dating site and she is amazed that the guys ask her what she sleeps in. She has an 18 year old son at home, what do you think she sleeps in?????
Where men are getting this is beyond me.....
Yeah, it seems like there are far more odd-ducks in the male section of your dating pool. My mother is probably just a few years older than you and is in this singles events club. As far as she and I can tell, all the women in it are relatively normal and decent, but the majority of the guys in it are instantly recognizable creeps. She finds it very frustrating.
Yes,
GS: I have encountered similar questions. The only people who know what I sleep in are probably here where I have spoke of it. Having some man ask when you merely met is so damned weird & blatantly offensive. It's not as if they did not see me in person & could draw a conclusion of their own! And I am not certainly going to send them a picture in the undies to "pass their test". As far as your friend, sure, she must sleep in the nude and walk around the house like that with a 18 y/o and friends being over! It makes you almost want to say--DUH! A single woman, no kids, clean & neat, well dressed, well what do you think is under the clothes? They might have to call & go out to really find out if it ever went to that level.
Raez: This is why it's so important to find the right person who is devoted early on in life. This end of the pool is mucky & very discouraging. Even on E-Harmony; seemingly decent man went to writing, his first note was what he was doing behind his desk to my picture & very descriptive.
I am seriously wondering what's up. The impetus to the question today was turning my cell on [when I went to mow the lawn] and finding a text message wondering where I am & what was wrong after all the nonsense. The quantity of men who do this, I think men find the same, is alarming. I feel like why would anyone do that since it's so inappropriate? I only had called about a pool a few months ago, got a disgusting text after a few minor questions, blew him off & find the bewilderment of me not responding...I never embarked upon any sexual topics or information. It was originally getting together for a date. Then the other one with his nude photos of recent. I could see if I was soliciting a NSA date/encounter...he asked me for my number to go out!
The whole phone sex thing, though is odd to me. I am not their s/o or spouse! Why do they feel they have such liberty's? In person I appear very conservative.
AGAIN, people really don't do this now do they???????? Don't you think TV
and such has sort of fueled this "supposed" behavior? What is cyber chat?
or Text chat (is that the right way to say it)..........I am not doubting you
but seriously who would just come out with that??
I can believe it happens. I've done the online dating thing-thankfully, it worked for me, I"m moving across the state to live with him soon. We talked online and on phones for 5 months before we went face-to-face. Blessedly, he's a truly good guy. But not all are. I most definitely had my share of 'solicitations' via IM while I was a patron of that site. Often the exchanges were nothing more than 'Hi....asl?....do you like cyber sex?' I'm serious.
I couldn't tell you WHY stuff like all this goes on, but I must say it doesn't surprise me much. I just chalk it up to 'there are all types of people and turn-ons and kink levels out there'.
I have never sent some one a text like this, I was raised to be respectful to women and also come from a family that is very concerned about not embarrassing your self. However I have a friend, and this sounds like something he would do. Now keep in mind that this friend is 17 and a high school senior. It dose seem to work pretty well for him, but I think he could say anything and the younger girls he “dates” would be imprested. Anyways for a forty something man to act like this is just ridicules.
Int:
Yes, found same on the dating sites but knowing it was a public forum, I sort of anticipated some behavior. But perhaps people have carried their lazed attitude to now the blackberry or cell messages? Even here; I have had a few dilly's of emails requesting cyber sex.
Yes, CL it's real...if you wish I'll forward them to you on your cell, of those I did not delete yet. And yes, there are nude photos unasked and not provoked. The most surprising came from those who you think would look at it from what they have to loose if it was posted publicly. Perhaps, you don't believe it because it's not you behavior. I am surprised for the same reason as you. What has really made me think and wonder if I was the only observer of such behavior is the increased frequency of men asking for numbers and pulling such stunts. In all honesty, there is not one photo of me in existence nude; not even by a former spouse. The first time I encountered cyber sex requests was when I used AOL & people could search to see who was on-line. Random requests popped up as Int said. I ignored such & quickly changed to a net carrier address, no finding who is online, getting such obscenities, and realize I was only on-line uploading my course work. What I find odd is a man asks for your number which you meet while out, you have spoke & both seem interested in a date, you cannot talk the entire evening b/c you are there to talk to many & cannot dwell on one person. You anticipate a phone call to go out. And end up with sexual baiting or overtones, or direct sexual requests, or nude pictures. Text is when people send a written note to your cell phone; I do not text or even know the "language" other than LOL. I get one that said "Want to Play?". Guess what they mean; get them off [and yourself if you wish] with your/their words. The last I knew people have sex in person and went out prior to such. To me it's a very intimate request from a stranger.
Mr. Saint: I am sure you may see more of this since I have heard younger people getting tangled up on-line due to the ease of the Internet in your generation. I am fortunate half the time I can use all the amenities on my cell.
As I said, I did not wish to ask my brother since he would have to ask his friends. I am not working right now, cannot ask any of the patients if they get it. But I do not understand why people feel they have such a right when unasked. But I go back to what Doc said...boys with toys pushing the limits. But the age of these people is what is creepy, these are not kids/teens exploring their sexuality.
[QUOTE=sera300;223311]Okay, I need to know what is it with people today... appears very immature.
Furthermore, why send me a nude picture? :o
Thanks,
~Me.[/QUOTE]
I don't know what to say. Dating, or trying to meet people in the cellphone age must be different. I think these same guys would have been just as creepy 20-25 years ago. Maybe they are the types who are too insecure to engage you in a real conversation ( much sexier in in my opinion ) so they try to impress you with their banality.
Maybe if you take the screening process one step further and don't give them your cellular number until they have proven themselves worthy, adult, gentlemen. ???
Me having you suddenly become Me1..........If so, very creative..........A for effort.
Hey Sera, by the way, What are you wearing??????? Sort of in keeping with
the thread intent.
I have to wonder if this is not so much tv, but the internet game. People who either can't see you, web cam issues, or wonder who else is about because all they see on their computer screen is the person they are chatting up from the waist up.
More and more people will post pictures of themselves in some very provocative poses on their dating or my space page. There is less and less intimacy going on and well more and more getting laid I think.
Now I have been in several long distance relationships, and yes have opened an email to find that persons penis staring back at me. Reason not to open personal email at work unless boundaries are not only set but kept.
I also had a co-worker fired beause she opened an email from a client, we don't get emails from clients this was friend to friend. It was a joke of some sort and this client had this co-workers and several other co-workers work emails. Well it ended with a red dancing penis. This co-worker had been warned about emails yet she opened it, and opps hit print. She then went about her work until she was called into the bosses bosses office and terminated then and there. No unemployment, this was cause, she had been warned and well the bosses boss had walked past the printer and saw a penis staring up at her. The co-workers name was on the printed page.
Often those comments are for those already in a relationship! This is merely going to an event or a meeting, even out with friends, or just calling about a pool purchase.
What is odd is the level of inquiry without a relationship of any type. They ask for your number to call for a date, okay pretty normal after chatting. This is why I do not give out my home number. Then engage you in chat which turns sexual? Where does the human element come in? Or is it a sex relationship via text or random phone calls, is that really sex?
To me a date is going out and enjoying an other's company & getting to know the person better. Sex? Well, that is done in person. In a relationship which is committed, yes, I have left my former fiance or ex-husband an erotic note. But do not extend the same indulgence to the general public! And why do men think they have this right to behave this way? This is what I question. I assume other women have indulged them. Perhaps men assume if you are single or not dating someone at 42 you MUST be desperate & lonely?
I will say dating was much easier when younger & I knew the games. This one is confusing to me and dating again at 42 is, well, different. I do recall a male friend warning me when I got back into dating; watch for guys who may take pictures of you while having sex, on their cell phones/photo option since they post them. However, he forgot to tell me this part. I find the lack of human contact which goes with this behavior a poor substitute for life. If this is what's out there; I prefer to mow my lawn in the spare time!
And CL...I am wearing Jeans & a green shirt--I mowed the lawn today. Don't ask about underwear...I have no clue...it's whatever I got on after a shower this am. And "me" is just a substitute for the person, you know the name. Often I sign notes this way...habit since you can figure out the poster it's on top. To me this is a personal question I am asking of a variety of people rather than answering a question. Doc wrote Me2 since we do stay in contact, as I do with others here. I feel comfortable asking questions here rather than among other people since this is a sex site. Furthermore, many of my friends may not be able to answer since they are married. Perhaps people feel more empowered to do things they would not have done before, if they can hide behind a device?
I wonder though when a request to go out for a date turned into the reality of a cell call or txt which is strictly sexually explicit? Or when did phone sex with a stranger turn into a substitute for a real person with you?
Well, I was just teasing about the attire you know.......
[quote=constantlylearning;223377]Well, I was just teasing about the attire you know.......[/quote]Yes, I do know! I believe you are above some of what I have encountered.
Let's hope so............but I am bad you know...LOL
[quote=constantlylearning;223393]Let's hope so............but I am bad you know...LOL[/quote] Bad? I highly doubt that.
Perhaps these men are just too cheap to pay for porn or a hooker but just desperate enough to stoop to this level ?
And just think, I bet they even WONDER WHY they are single.....
Sorry I meant to say Chiky was BAD..............but in a good way you know.
Especially when she is "stalker mode."
Maybe these men, because gentlemen they are not, use these meetings for pickup spots rather than the local tavern. Are these meetings that you attend on a regular basis or just started to? Also if word is out that you are recently single, having broken up with your fiance, than you yourself are a bit horny and up for a quicky?
There are women out there just looking to get laid and well for those of us that want more.....
A "quicky".........oh my Chik.
Oh I don't know about that Sera....sometimes those who would appear to have the least 'bad' in them are the ones who will surprise you the most when what's deep within begins to appear :D
Yes CL a quickie, hopefully knowing Sera is not that kind of LADY, her ex's are not out spreading a load of crap about her.
You'd be surprised what kind of muck one says about someone that they once claimed to love. Plus if something is being discussed at the next table then all sorts of thoughts can be misunderstood.
Again, just teasing you a little on your choice of words.........no harm NO FOUL.
You are talking about rumors and gossip........surely you don't know anyone that
does that now do you??
That's the problem CL, it's the one's that you don't know that are usually the ones out spreading the muck. We girls can be so catty, meow.
[quote=lnt1103;223425]Oh I don't know about that Sera....sometimes those who would appear to have the least 'bad' in them are the ones who will surprise you the most when what's deep within begins to appear :D[/quote] Maybe that's half the problem! I think the good one's re the right/correct/proper! Gee now I get it...fess up CL. :D
I say just leave it all behind and take up surfing.......really thinking about doing
that all together.....very few problems that way.......dont have to worry about
the small stuff you know.
[quote=constantlylearning;223451]I say just leave it all behind and take up surfing.......really thinking about doing
that all together.....very few problems that way.......dont have to worry about
the small stuff you know.[/quote] Okay, we can all take up surfing. That's cool with me. We can all just say "Surf is up dude"!; so where are we all meeting? One problem; someone might have to show me though. I can ski & Rollerblade. Why sweat the small stuff? This was just a chain of reactions; I failed to understand if I was missing things in life; apparently not. Now, I know better. We can all meet at the Ritz at Half Moon Bay!:D
Not your typical looking Ritz from the outside........really cool though the lower
level rooms have "pit fires outside the rooms." I assume natural gas or propane
fueled (guess there).....I usually like to know stuff like that. You would be a very
special student.......from what I have been reading and so forth that is wicked
wicked surf. Not like those tiny waves in the Gulf........YIKES.
Hey Sera by the way
WATCHA WEARING.........................LOL
[quote=goof'schik;223423]Maybe these men, because gentlemen they are not, use these meetings for pickup spots rather than the local tavern. Are these meetings that you attend on a regular basis or just started to? Also if word is out that you are recently single, having broken up with your fiance, than you yourself are a bit horny and up for a quicky?
There are women out there just looking to get laid and well for those of us that want more.....[/quote] Not on a regular basis; just going to public events or a meeting for an organization you meet new people who attend; such as public BOD meetings or charitable organizations. Really the last place you expect it. Recently single? Meaning for the past 7 years divorced. Ex-fiance & I split now about 3 years ago or so (other than our random fun friendship; but we both decided to end that since it was not good for us). So for the past two and a half years have dated but not exclusively or regularly. Lately I have thought of looking for someone perhaps for a LTR, but maybe someone should lock me up in the bug house first?
If I was just out for fun & horny? nah...I'd call a friend first to see what he was doing for the evening--my little black book! I am actually a very conservative person in public, with attire as well. And I am outgoing, really do get along well with other's [believe it or not], but not overly friendly since I am very cautious & picky who I do date and do not look to solicit unwanted behavior. I do make it a point if I am interested in a man he knows. No quickies for me, I pity the next man in my life, he's in for a lot of make up time.
[quote=constantlylearning;223456]Hey Sera by the way
WATCHA WEARING.........................LOL[/quote]
Jeans & a red sweater with white sneakers...LOL! And you?
CL, I think it's you'd that be the student. I have an idea that Sera has a few tricks that you would learn from.
And Sera, there is a saying out there, conservative women are wicked in the bedroom, maybe that's where they get that idea about you. Be gentle on CL.
[quote=goof'schik;223461]CL, I think it's you'd that be the student. I have an idea that Sera has a few tricks that you would learn from.
And Sera, there is a saying out there, conservative women are wicked in the bedroom, maybe that's where they get that idea about you. Be gentle on CL.[/quote] Maybe that's it! They think the conservative look is well to be let loose? I really have no clue, but do know, these guys are jerks anyway. I think they really need to get a life...if this is what they do? Must be a pretty boring existence! Never heard that saying but can be true! LOL! Never was called a prude or non-adventurous. :) I was taught to behave like a lady when your out since it's a reflection on the family & how you were raised. But the bedroom is, well, for fun.
It's wierd what people think, and so hard to figure out. You dress like a whore and well your pegged as either a whore or a virgin depends on what sex you are, where you are, how old you are and what part of the country you're in.
And you dress like a lady and they at like they know you and it's ok to pull this stuff before getting to know you.
Maybe these guys got the wrong message when told to be direct. Direct yes, but not til we know you. People wonder because, even though I've never been married, I've lived with a few men, none of which makes me loose or gives anyone the right to disrespect me. If these guys had heard or seen a guy do one of the things you've mentioned to their sister they would of given them what for. Probably one of the reasons you don't want to ask your brother either, he'd want to know who and go give them the what were you thinking......
I am utterly confused at this point by the both of you...........surfing that's
the ticket.
Yes SOC:
You are right. If you dress one way or the other you are stereotyped. Men often meet me, when on a date, and comfortable they are surprised I am relaxed and open. Just because I have a more conservative style/look. Sleaze is not me; it never looked well on me! Much has to do with a body figure & the way you look. I have friends who can wear the sleaze look, low cut, & look fabulous. Not me, I look like someone who just came off the street. It just does not work.
CL: We are talking about appearances in clothing when one goes out. Recall our clothing talk? I am either in jeans & comfy or if out a suit or some some spin off of the black skirt/pants, black style silk tank, a nicely cut green jacket such as a suede and heels/boots. What you see in the hyper style & hyper-sexy does not work for me, I look awful. Other women look great. That's all we are discussing & why perhaps men feel they can get away with this nonsense, as discussed. Its not as if I look like a nun.
I am up for surfing; Ritz at Half Moon Bay??? We can all make it a convention!
Definitely up for that...........casual attire except of course when dining.
Wonderful establishments down Carmel/Monterey way.........still worried
about the COLD water and LARGE Sharks.......but as they say no guts no
glory I suppose.
[quote=constantlylearning;223516]Definitely up for that...........casual attire except of course when dining.
Wonderful establishments down Carmel/Monterey way.........still worried
about the COLD water and LARGE Sharks.......but as they say no guts no
glory I suppose.[/quote] Have to live on the edge every so often! Must have proper dinner attire & I always book a Club level Jr. Suite, balcony with water views since I do enjoy all the accouterments. I have stayed with the Ritz so often they will make such accommodations for me. I think I have gotten to know the staff quite well by now. Now, they continue to solicit me for purchasing a "property". I'm not certain what to think as a prospective owner of such.
Sera you are alot of fun I bet.........
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