This might be a slightly long post so bear with me. I recently started dating a girl who I like a lot and she really likes me a lot too. We have dated for quite awhile without having sex. Recently we finally did it. Which brings me to the reason for this post. Before I go into detail let me give some background info because I don't know if I'm the problem or not. I haven't had sex with lots of women so I don't really know if my size is considered normal or not. I always assumed I was average and everyone I've been with so far was very tight. My size is 7 inches long and 6 inches around. Is that small? Because the girl I am with now I can't feel a thing at all when I'm in her. I have to keep checking with my hand to make sure I'm actually in her. It literally feels like I am having sex with the air. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. She rubs her clit while we have sex and I have no problem with that at all. I think that's hot and she says she cums. But I never do because I can't feel a single thing down there. We've had sex a few times now and everytime I fake an orgasm because I feel so inadequate. Is my size small? I thought I was average but now I'm worried that I'm small and I was just lucky in the past to find abnormally tight women. It's very embarrassing. The last time I put my hand down there on her I could tell that if I wanted to I could easily put my whole fist in there. Is that normal? I feel so humiliated because I can't stay hard and that's why I hurry up and fake an orgasm before I go totally limp and look like a chump. This has never happened to me before. Is it my fault or is she abnormally large down there?
A little more info... She has a four year old son and I was thinking maybe that was why but I have to think if having a kid loosened her up it would have gone back to normal after 4 years. She did mention before we ever had sex that she had only been with 4 guys and that they were all terrible in bed because they couldn't stay hard. I was thinking "wow. what losers! I can't wait to rock this chicks world". But now I think I see why those guys sucked and I'm worried that maybe I'm not average in size at all. It's making me nervous to ever have sex with anyone else again. Is my size abnormally small or is she abnormally big?
Your size is a bit larger then average, nothing wrong with that part. Childbirth causes changes, but not to the extent you describe, where there is that much room. First, I think you need to talk to her more about the issue and then perhaps she should talk to her gyn? Is she over lubricated? Do some kegels? etc?
I'm really nervous about this. I don't know how to talk about something like that to a woman without offending or hurting her feelings. I guess it would be kind of like a woman finding out a her new boyfriend has a really small penis. How do you tell someone that without upsetting them? I don't want to say anything. I don't want to hurt her feelings. If I told her I have been faking orgasms I think she's going to be hurt. She really is a nice person. I don't know how to talk about something like this with her without offending her. I don't know what to do. I asked a friend for advice and he laughed at me and told me to dump her. That was very rude. I don't want to do something like that to her. It's mean. I don't want to hurt her feelings but we clearly aren't sexually compatible. I've been really stressing about this. I just don't know how to say anything to her about it without sounding mean. She has to know I'm not big enough for her but still... I don't know what to do. This sucks.
As far as being overlubricated, she isn't any different in that area than any other woman I've been with. She gets wet but not excessivly so. I think she knows something is up because she offered to finish me off with a blow job which I willingly agreed to because I was so damn horny wanting to cum so bad there was no way I was gonna turn that down. She wasn't bad at it but in the middle of it she stopped and said to tell her when I was gonna cum and then get away from her and go jack off onto a towel. That was about the most non-hot thing any woman has ever said to me and I just decided to give up and quit. That would be like me going down on her and telling her when she was ready to cum to get up and go sit on a towel and play with herself. What woman would find her man telling her that to be a turn on?
Don't tell her you have been faking the orgasms, no matter what. Wait until you are both alone in a non-sexual atmosphere. Then just ask her if she has experienced any changes in her body after she had the baby, ask her if she feels sex is good with you, ask her if she feels enough sensation during intercourse, just say you noticed she does a lot of stimulation herself and you want to know if she is really satisfied? Ask open ended questions so she does not just reply with a simple yes or no answer...
I can understand not wanting to offend someone, it's hurtful to do but I think if you bring it up in the right way it will help eliminate that. Perhaps she may be able to shed some additional info on the situation for you? What would happen if you asked her after intercourse to just do oral on you? Tell her you would like to try that?
That's a tough one...I dated one guy who was very, very small & he was very nice but there was nothing he could do sexually to help remedy the situation, it was worse since he could not keep it up either. An orgasm for him was only achieved one way, through a hand job. But he did tell me he had this issue his whole life yet never sought (nor was willing to) the help of a doctor.
We just did not work well in bed, and he was not open to seeing a doc or changing any part of it. I hope he found someone who he worked out better with...
Dont Worry About It. If You Know What You're Doing With It She Will Enjoy It. Ask Her What She Likes And Focus On Her
Considering that you are a bit above average in size (even allowing for all men lie!), she must be very large. Some women are. The fact that she stimulates herself is no big deal. I like positions where I can.
Try having her put her legs together with your legs on the outside (assuming neither is badly out of shape. This also requires discussion. Or else, move on. Kegels help but if she is large, she will just be a better toned large woman.
Yeah,I guess I gotta bring it up somehow. I just don't want to offend her. I'm not lying about my size. That's exactly what it is. I wanted an honest opinion and lying here wouldn't help me any. This sucks. I really like her. I suppose we're just not compatible.
As odd as it may sound, I have a preference for lovers who have a vagina that is large or as my marriage therapist once put it, very accommodating. It's all in the way you approach love making. The solution maybe as simple as a change in positions. Most women who have big vaginas know it and know how to overcome it. You certainly may not want spread her legs and position her knees behind her head. Try letting her get on top with her legs closed or hit it from behind with her legs closed or even crossed. The fact that she likes to masturbate her clit while having sex may have nothing to do with her sex organ size or yours... :p
It may be that big sloppy vaginas are not for you... :rolleyes:
Frankly, I like a vagina I can't hurt... :cool:
The most disturbing thing about this query is that vaginas enlarge and expand as needed but then can return to their previous size. Having children does not automatically mean an increase in the accomodations. Why hasn't this one? Perhaps you two can do your Kegels together.