When having sex my boyfriend likes to pull my hair alot, and scratch me, it really turns me on, but is this a sign of he likes to dominate?
he said to me once he has tested the boundarys before in sex, like ones he had his hand on my throat (not holding tight just a bit of pressure) .. i don't actualy mind it, but i think he has the impression i don't like it, how do i bring this up with out actualy having to sit him down and say i like this, that and the other?
also, i want to go down on him, but i can only seem to do it when im drunk..
when im sober i can taste it too much, and i don't really like the taste of it.. (hes not unclean) can you get used to the taste of it?
The best thing would be to just sit down with him and tell him straight out.
Why don't you want to do that?
It's the easiest and fastest way!
And what do you mean by his taste?
The taste of his semen?
because i get really shy when i talk about what i like in sex with him, i go red and then it gets worse! (sounds childish i know but i cant help it)
And yes by taste i do mean his semen
Hey you could just casually mention what you like while walking in the park, picking something up at the meat counter in the supermarket, or right before you hang up after a phone call with him.
No idea about the taste thing. I have heard that certain breath fresheners right before a BJ help with that. I had one GF who after taking me in her mouth would always say " I need a beer....to wash the taste out!"
Of course, you can help it. Yes, this is sign he likes to dominate. You know, you don't actually HAVE to do everything your guy likes. If you have to be drunk to do something - stop it. The drink's bad for you and you're just not facing up to what's bugging you about whatever it is.
But if I've just spent $100 to have my hair 'done' - keep your hands off my hair - DON'T touch the hair. Other than that, we're good to go. Good luck dominating me.
Some guys just like to pull hair. Or otherwise cause a little mild erotic pain. It is not a sign of liking to dominate. I am not even exactly sure what dominate means to anyone in this forum, but one of the easy mantras of the internet BDSM-D/S culture that evolved in the 90s is a Sadist is not a Top is not a Dominant is not a Sadist, but could be.
If you want hair pulling to mean that he is dominant and that truly means something important to either of you then hair pulling means he's dominant. Otherwise it's just a bit of mild S&M.
Go back and read my original post on this theme.
The essence of dominance is control. To control someone physically - get hold of their head. Hair is an excellent "handle" for humans.
Picture it. "Doggy style" with his hand in her hair perhaps a spank or two and what comes into your mind? Dominance. Not S&M.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;234079]The essence of dominance is control. To control someone physically - get hold of their head. Hair is an excellent "handle" for humans.
Picture it. "Doggy style" with his hand in her hair perhaps a spank or two and what comes into your mind? Dominance. Not S&M.[/QUOTE]
Actually in that scenario I picture a man with his hand in a woman's hair, giving some spanks and nearly loosing control every time her vagina contracts around him in response to the spanks.
I did some spanking and hair pulling (of pubic hair in fact) and dripping of hot wax tonight and dominance never once crossed my mind.
However - it probably did cross her mind.
I know quite a few D/s people who would say that a submissive can't ask to be subjected to sadistic acts by her dominant. This is one of the things I find distasteful about D/s-so many rules and no one knows where to buy the rulebook. Last night I was asked to fulfill some masochistic desires and I cheerfully complied. At my house B&D and S&M are about sex. I realize that for some people domination, dominance as you call it Evil Evil Kitten, is a big deal. For others of us it is not. I think one of the main differences that I see between the new (1990s to present) group of D/s people and the older style B&D ( meaning those of us who got into kink before the internet) is that while D/s often looks and sounds very much like old style B&D the D/s kids believe that what they do is somehow real and try to stay in their personae even when not having sex.
Some people simply like a little kink in their sex. Just because someone enjoys restraining a person, playing authority figure, or inflicting pain does not make that person dominant adj. or a dominant n.. Some people are just sexual sadists. If people feel they need to think of me or call me a dominant I don't discourage them, many of my bondage top friends get bent out of shape when they feel that someone is trying to corner them into classifying themselves as dominants.
I am happy that dominance works for you. It is a wonderful world full of variety in which we do not all work exactly the same way.
i think when he does it you should just be like "o yeah that feels so good keep going" "youre so good at this" but if he gets tighter and it hurts just tell him that hurts.
A sadist wehen being begged to inflict pain says NO. You've heard the joke.
Pulling the hair does NOT inflict pain until past a certain point. Before that point there's no sadism.
The trouble is that there's confusion being generated by my saying it is and your saying it isn't.
IF there's pain involved then it is sadism.
If there is NO pain, then it is dominance.
Well the point is if rosebanks likes her boyfriend pulling hair, scratching, biting, spanking and otherwise doing things that to most people are considered a bit painful she should communicate that to him, not be so shy about it, experiment and enjoy a new array of erotic sensations.
Yes I know the punchline to your joke. It's an amusing joke, but not exactly true.
Amusement is the point.
I agree - whatever it is you enjoy - tell your partner(s)!!!