I hope this isn't too off topic, but I lurk around this board and I guess I feel a little "at home," and I don't currently frequent any parenting type boards.
Anyway, the question -- I have an 11 year old daughter who is entering puberty and has grown very noticible breasts in the past year. Every time I try to talk to her at all about her body changing, needing a bra, etc. she just starts crying. My mom paranoia immediately kicks in and I am terrified that she has been molested or something, but when I ask her about it she says that she just doesn't want to grow up and doesn't want to talk about it.
Has anyone out there either as a parent or personally experienced such an aversion to puberty? I realize that it can certainly be an embarassing time and all, but my 17 year old never had any sort of reaction like this, so I'm at a bit of a loss.
Thanks for any feedback!
My daughter was very self cautious at first when she was going through puberty, one of the reasons is that she to developed large breasts (larger than her moms) but with time she learned to accept the change and now even at times jokes with her Mom,
I suggest let it go and wait for her to come to you as long as she knows your is open to the subject, good luck and all the best
Some kids are ready to talk about it, some WILL NOT! What you can do is buy her shirts that have a shelf-bra built into them especially since it's warm weather out right now. Hopefully she will transition into a regular bra. Some kids will not accept it but she should start to come around soon! Or ask your 17 y/o to talk to her sister about the need to wear one.
If she is reacting to your talking bra, imagine how she will react to bleeding. Make certain you or your doctor have a very complete talk with her about the changes she will be experiencing. I am not a mother. I have had patients who resisted growing up. Some to the point of needing a few therapy sessions. Menses and bras are the two great symbols of leaving childhood and that means entering the unknown.
Her older sister di it her way; now, the younger daughter will do it her way. Puberty is such a mess that the only lessons that we learn fromone child is that there are a few miserable years for parent and child. The last thging you should do is use her own sister as a model. We ach do it our own ways. My older sister was (I believe) a greater problem for my parents than I. They almost seemed relieved at how I handled it. But, unknown to them, I was acting out sexually more than she. I was the real problem.
Sera's idea of enlisting your older daugheter's assistane (without the younger one knowing) is a good one. Handy aunts or older cousins can help, too.
Little story to emphasize that puberty runs deep and I, personally, wonder how any partents make it through their daughters' first few years of it.
I've been around to witness all my younger sisters going through all these changes, and I can tell you that Brandye is right. Each has her own timing. Besides, it's not really mandatory to wear a bra, is it? I mean, it's better than going without, but is it really that big an issue? Granted, the crying thing is a bit odd, but that's what teenage girls do alot of, and since you have a 17 y.o. I'm sure you're familiar with it. I know it might go against your parental instincts, but there are times where the worst thing that can happen is for Mom to get involved. It's awkward, and personal, and I was always glad I never had to discuss it with my parents. My father handed me a book and said "Go read." That approach eliminates the awkward conversations.
I was so excited when I first went bra shopping :( but then again I was nearly 14 (used to be a gymnast), and felt left out because all the other girls had all the pretty training bras and small lacy ones :p. *sigh* That was the one and only time I got to wear pretty and sexy bras...all the ones for D size women look like granny bras! LOL no offense to anyone!
Thanks for the responses. I'm just going to relax about it and give her some space.
Interestingly, she had a slumber party this weekend and I noticed that one of her friends also has fairly visable breasts. So, yesterday in the car I mentioned it to her, just to say "see, you aren't alone, other girls are developing too," and I actually got a little smile out of her instead of the usual tears! So, I'm hoping that she is slowly becoming more comfortable with the whole thing.
I wouldn't push it in her face, but definitely get someone to talk to her and tell her what is going to happen. After that, let things unfold naturally.