Last night on the VMA's Russell Brand, who alot of us here in the US have never heard of went a little over board, in my opinion, with the Jonas brothers and the fact that they wear one.
Later Jordin Sparks, of American Idol fame, stated "It's not bad to wear a promise ring, because not everybody, guy or girl, wants to be a slut." and later at a party, Sparks defended her speech. "Somebody had to do it."
My issue is more with Ms. Sparks, sex before marriage does NOT make you a slut.
Mr. Brand apologized or at least tried to (didn't want to upset fans of the Jonas brothers, where is her's?
And who are these Jonas brothers???
Mon, 09/08/2008 - 21:17
#1
Promise Rings
You have to follow Hanna Montana [Miley Cirus] and her episodes to get a feel for the Jonas brothers. They appeal to the 4-13 y/o crowd. I only know since I have had the kids!
Her dad was ok, his hair is as well known as the Donald's and I don't like either do.
Her father I agree was okay...her? well, sorry not my thing the kids love it though & the J. Brothers [not sure if it's on the Disney or Nickelodeon channel].
I saw that on the video awards too. That really made me upset. I don't believe you have to fall into "virgin" or "slut". If I have sex with someone I love before I am married, why am I a slut?
Speaking as an adult virgin, let me say I have grown to hate something I used to be okay with. I really began to see keeping it as a less magical thing and I look forward to ending it. Sure, it doesn't seem matter much when your young, but it does start to hurt self esteem and worth the longer it goes on. Saying you want to be a virgin at 14 is cute, but double that and it isn't. Especially for a man. I have grown to hate it, personally. I do not see a person as a slut for being sexually active. Its quite normal to me now then it was growing up a bit reserved about it.
Marrying someone to lose your virginity is a HORRIBLE reason to get married. You let sexual hormones effect the choice of person you want to consider spending your life with.
Remember to take "virginity pledges" with a grain of salt. Many so called "virgins" are not true virgins as there is a percentage that engage in oral sex or other bodily sex and still call themselves virgins just because they have not had vaginal sex.
Lost One, my point exactly. Heck I'm 47 and never been married and well I lost my virginity when I was 14. To young yes, regrets nope.
I think a better promise is to be true to one's self. And to wait til you're 18. If you decide that you are ready for a relationship to take the next step come to a web site like this one and learn what it is you need to know before your first encounter. Having the male wear a condom is not just for birth control it's also for protection from a list of diseases.
If a 14 year old is to young to make an adult decision such as to have a sexual relationship, then they are also to young to make a promise NOT to have one til their wedding night. How many parents of these 14 year olds were virgins on their wedding night? Maybe their grandparents or great-grandparents but not a lot of their parents I'm guessing.
Is this promise a way of avoiding the talk until, you the mother of the bride are lowering the veil on your daughters wedding day?? Don't lay anymore guilt trips on kids then there already is. Is it actually more and more teenagers getting pregnant, or is it just now they are not hidden or even in some cases thrown into our faces when we turn on the news?
A guy I know at work is 22? with a 20 year old gf. They don't even kiss!
Its too bad we almost all tend to get messed up either way. Some of us are more conservative and only learn about sex late and others get too much sex very young.
People want to teach to abstain from having sex or sex education. How about someone teach NORMAL! Everyone should be taught its okay to have sex with anyone they want but be safe and self ready. Being taught nothing or getting sex immaturely is whats causing diseases and pregnancy in my opinion.
I'm 52 and never been married. Do these people really expect me to have remained a virgin at my age, possibly for life? Well, screw that idea (literally). Taking a virginity pledge just to conform with somebody else's view of morality is wrong, in my opinion. Nobody has the right to demand that another person deprive themselves of the enjoyment of sex indefinitely. THAT is a form of immorality.
Its all the new Disney Channel... I miss the old Disney (mickey mouse, donald duck, goofy etc)
Their music is a pathetic excuse for "rock"
So goes the amazing stupidity that passes for morality. So incredibly dumb!!!
It's probably bullshit anyway - a marketing tool by Disney to appeal to the huge market that is the conservative right. Just look at Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake and their 'virginity'.
I'm not one to complain about anyone waiting until marriage if that's the choice they come to. Neither am I one to complain about not deciding in that direction. Mostly because I fall somewhere in between. I had planned to wait until my wedding night. I wore it like a badge of honor-I had heard a statistic that 95% do it before marriage and I was proud of myself for holding out among the 5%. I was sticking to my guns and it felt good-it felt like a form of self-definition. And to a degree, maybe it was.
But when I was 28, that all changed. I thought I was ready and I thought it was right.
And I'm more than okay with the fact that I changed my mind. For one thing, because I am now more myself...more self-defined...than ever before. Someone said something to the effect of 'people get messed up either way'. This doesn't have to ruin people, whatever their choice. The key of it IMO is the permission to be HUMAN, and the ability to FORGIVE for what a person might possibly perceive as a mistake. And by the way, IMO the most difficult person in the WORLD from whom to obtain those two things, is ONESELF. But if you can master getting those two things from yourself, this decision doesn't have to cause so much inner conflict and pain.
I think it is ridiculous to call people who have sex before marriage sluts. Having sex before marriage does not make a person a slut. Being promiscuous is what makes a person a slut. At least that's my opinion.
As for promise rings, I don't really know what I believe about those. I guess they're ok if the teen chooses to be a virgin until marriage. However, if the teen is pressured in to not having sex before marriage by their parents, church, or whatever, I see that as wrong.
I think the meaning of a "promise ring" has been changed over the years. People are starting to do it just to fit into a crowd or to, believe it or not, have bragging rights. Ive known a few people with promise rings and all they ever do is talk about how they CANT have sex before marriage because they have that ring, like it has supernatural powers over them.
A promise ring should be seen as an inner-self choice to refrain from having sex before marriage because YOU want to. Not because it seems like a good idea at the time.
just my two cents......
Oh also the issue with being a slut before your married? Thats just ridiculous. Maybe she worded her statement wrong or maybe she was serious, maybe its just another publicity stunt. But the fact of the matter, and we all clearly know it, is that having sex before marriage does NOT make you a slut.
[QUOTE=Gorgeous Mistake;224417]Its all the new Disney Channel... I miss the old Disney (mickey mouse, donald duck, goofy etc)
Their music is a pathetic excuse for "rock"[/QUOTE]
Completely agree with that one.
It's easy enough to say you're going to wait when you're a teenager and if you find someone to marry in your early 20's. But what if you don't?
These young people sort of delude themselves into thinking that the perfect person is going to come along at exactly the right time and want to get married and life just isn't like that.
[QUOTE=somehearts;225215]It's easy enough to say you're going to wait when you're a teenager and if you find someone to marry in your early 20's. But what if you don't?
These young people sort of delude themselves into thinking that the perfect person is going to come along at exactly the right time and want to get married and life just isn't like that.[/QUOTE]
Exactly, that's the fundamental flaw in their argument.
My son promised his dad and I that he would talk to his dad before making any decisions about starting a sex life. At 12 I hope it is more than several more years before I get that call from his dad. They live in a small town so buying condoms at the local store would not only get back to his dad. His dad and I grew up there and the news made it back to my dad before his, we were seniors in high school, accepted at University of Wyoming, and put on close supervision. My ex was almost a hero for having the courage to go buy them. He didn't see my dad's best friend in the store, it was him that went and told my dad.
There were 3 girls in my class who were pregnant when we did graduate, I was still a virgin.
Promise rings are obscene. The entire idea of sex before marriage making you worth less as a person who doesn't is incredibly damaging - as if your only value was between your legs. Ignorance is NOT a virtue. But this is never spoken.
Promiscuity does not matter if undertaken for the right reason - which is that you enjoy sex. Sluts generally do enjoy sex. They tend to like their partners. They also tend to be really, really good at sex. Sluts are also usually very comfortable in their own skins and with their sexuality. With their level of experience, they also tend to not make boneheaded decisions when it comes to selecting their partners.
Promiscuity as a way of finding "true love" is the wrong reason. Seeking emotional validation in a physical act is NOT good and never works. These people ignore 'red flags', take up with unsuitable partners, endure abuse and jealousy thinking it means they care, and end up with hellish lives.
Mainly because people bandy words like slut and skank about, avoid their responsibilities by making abstinence the only sex education available, and by teaching them nothing about the real world regarding sex and it proper management - is why this whole promise ring thing is obscene.
Last I knew the only near "promise to marry" was called an engagement ring followed by setting a date in the near future. The rest in just childish.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;225845]
Mainly because people bandy words like slut and skank about, avoid their responsibilities by making abstinence the only sex education available, and by teaching them nothing about the real world regarding sex and it proper management - is why this whole promise ring thing is obscene.[/QUOTE]
Actually, I don't think people use those sort of terms as much these days. Its been years since I've actually heard someone describe a woman as a 'slut'. I seem to recall hearing those terms used much more frequently 35-40 years ago than now. I think attitudes have changed a lot, and it is more accepted now that people may be sexually active when they are young. (I'm talking about the way it seems to me in Australia, of course.)
It used to mean something like that, Sera. A soldier, wishing to give himself something to live for, would give a promise ring to the lady he left behind - meaning to wed her upon his safe return from war. The promise was that they would keep chaste while they were apart. This was not an 'engagement' which involved the families, just a promise between themselves - nothing formal about it.
As you can see, this 'promise' once a vow between lovers, has evolved into something more pernicious.
[QUOTE=cyclefreak;225859]Actually, I don't think people use those sort of terms as much these days. Its been years since I've actually heard someone describe a woman as a 'slut'. I seem to recall hearing those terms used much more frequently 35-40 years ago than now. I think attitudes have changed a lot, and it is more accepted now that people may be sexually active when they are young. (I'm talking about the way it seems to me in Australia, of course.)[/QUOTE]
Cyclefreak, in the original post is says that Jordin Sparks used the word slut at the award ceremony.
When I was in high school, girls would get 'promise rings' from their boyfriends as a step down from an engagement ring. Kind of like in the Gidget era when guys would 'pin' their girlfriends. Had to do with commitment to the relationship, not abstinence. While I can see how the leap there is made, my choice to abstain for as much of my life as I did, had nothing to do with any promise I made to my parents or anyone else. It was my own decision based on my own motives and thought processes. I honestly don't think my mother could have stomached the conversation necessary to request that promise. She couldn't bring herself to discuss birth control options with me when I decided to get my IUD.
I had one of those, I wore it on my right hand not the left. I only wore the one for the left hand when it was safe, my parents or other family members not seeing it.
Not for me! I discussed everything with my mother and got honest answers from her. There was absolutely no way she would let me do anything even remotely akin to a promise ring. My grandmother was on the school board at that time so I got REAL sex ed - not this watered down and purity filter stuff they feed kids nowadays.
Facts matter.
It's alarming how afraid people are of a basic function isn't it?
Why oh why can't people just grow up? I don't get it!?!?!?!?!?