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Both problems have been addressed in one or more informative articles that can be found in the Index at the top of the main screen.

Both can be fixed relatively easily by learning some techniques and methodology. After doing some homework, please feel free to ask any questions that may be of concern.

You talk about getting head and a handjob during foreplay. Just a bit here about the terminology-foreplay is done beFORE coitus. Foreplay is what we do to turn our partner and ourselves on. So you might not want to have an orgasm during foreplay.

Granted, the use of oral, manual or mechanical stimulation that are often considered foreplay can continue during the main act or be the main act in and of themselves.

Not achieving orgasm could be related to tension or worries, the nervousness you mention, or you could be distracted, unfocused. Also your partner just might be unskilled in oral and manual stimulation; you are just starting out. You need to tell her what she is doing right and what she can do differently or better. Do not say "you are doing this wrong," instead ask,"could you do it this way?" And if you can motivate her to learn on her own that is even better. Some women will read books and articles and websites to learn about sex others expect their man to teach them.

Now back to reaching climax from oral and manual stimulation. First you need to adopt the attitude that no one is ever under the obligation to have or to give someone else an orgasm; sometimes it just doesn't happen. For handjobs I think it's best to use lots of very slippery lubricant. Have her look into your eyes, show you her breasts, talk dirty to you-about how much she loves your penis and wants to see you come, etc. For blowjobs it can help if you do a bit of talking to wind yourself up more; she will have her mouth full. So you want to encourage her by telling her how great it feels and how good she is and how hot she looks with you in her mouth and throw in whatever other sexy/dirty/kinky thing that gets you in the frame of mind to have an orgasm.

NOW-read the posts about oral and manual sex techniques and get your girlfriend to read them too. One of the sexiest things ( and romantic for me) is to learn about sex together.

What's wrong with that??

15 minutes of a great feeling blow job...

Move on to sex and have a mind blowing, toe scrunching, can't-control-the-volume-of-my-voice orgasm!

You just need to relax and realize that sex is not going from point A to point B. It doesn't matter when you come, from what, or even if you do. You're not performing... you're participating!

hey random
I had the same problem. I was uptight and nervous also. You have to relax and just let it go. There are plenty of post up here but I think the key aspect is too relax. Cuming in your partner mouth may seem awkward at first but it all part of intamcy. You have to let your gaurd down and let it flow.

That's all I have to say about that :D

[quote=dlb] You talk about getting head and a hand job during foreplay. Just a bit here about the terminology-foreplay is done beFORE coitus. Foreplay is what we do to turn our partner and ourselves on. So you might not want to have an orgasm during foreplay. [/quote]

Foreplay comes after Necking, Petting, and Heavy Petting, yet includes all these. All of these are what turns us on.

If a couple has not yet progressed to coitus, then they just might want to have an orgasm during foreplay.

[quote=dlb]
Not achieving orgasm could be related to tension or worries, the nervousness you mention, or you could be distracted, unfocused. [/quote]

Excellent points; however, I still maintain that the likely reason is not duplicating the technique the other person uses, plus not giving any feedback. This is why I wanted the o/p to read the Index.

[quote=dlb]Also your partner just might be unskilled in oral and manual stimulation; you are just starting out. You need to tell her what she is doing right and what she can do differently or better. Do not say "you are doing this wrong," instead ask,"could you do it this way?" And if you can motivate her to learn on her own that is even better. Some women will read books and articles and websites to learn about sex others expect their man to teach them.[/quote]

Excellent points and goes with what I said, above.

[quote=dlb]Now back to reaching climax from oral and manual stimulation. First you need to adopt the attitude that no one is ever under the obligation to have or to give someone else an orgasm; sometimes it just doesn't happen. For hand jobs I think it's best to use lots of very slippery lubricant. Have her look into your eyes, show you her breasts, talk dirty to you-about how much she loves your penis and wants to see you come, etc. For blow jobs it can help if you do a bit of talking to wind yourself up more; she will have her mouth full. So you want to encourage her by telling her how great it feels and how good she is and how hot she looks with you in her mouth and throw in whatever other sexy/dirty/kinky thing that gets you in the frame of mind to have an orgasm.[/quote]

Well...some of your suggestions hinge upon the personalities of the two people and how they feel about talking dirty, etc. I would imagine by the time they got to foreplay she would be pretty much undressed so her breasts would be right there! The crux of all this is to talk about some of your likes and dislikes before being intimate, learn what the other likes or wants to try and then incorporate one or more and see what happens.

[quote=dlb]NOW-read the posts about oral and manual sex techniques and get your girlfriend to read them too. One of the sexiest things ( and romantic for me) is to learn about sex together.[/quote]

--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics

How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?

[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;222944]Foreplay comes after Necking, Petting, and Heavy Petting, yet includes all these. All of these are what turns us on.

If a couple has not yet progressed to coitus, then they just might want to have an orgasm during foreplay.[/QUOTE]

From:
the sexdictionary.com http://www.thesexdictionary.com/

"foreplay - n.
Sexual activity as a prelude to intercourse, including kissing, gential fondling, and oral sex."
AskOxford (as in OED) http://www.askoxford.com/concise_oe/foreplay

"foreplay"

"• noun sexual activity that precedes intercourse."

sexualcounselling.com
http://www.sexualcounselling.com/Glossary/Glossarya.htm
Now this is an Indian sex dictionary and has some terms that we don't use in the west and even some terms that I am a bit shocked to see in a sex dictionary. But look at what it says about foreplay-

"foreplay
A term used to refer to sexual activities other than intercourse. The term comes from the view that someindividuals hold that all activities of a sexual nature are merely designed to lead up to intercourse"

Now the problem that I have with all of this is not whether one reaches orgasm from activities that are widely considered foreplay since touching, oral sex and use of toys certainly can lead to orgasm.
I am actually bothered by the use of the words sex and (sexual) intercourse to mean ONLY coitus. Masturbation, oral sex (notice sex is part of the term),fondling, etc. are all intercourse of a sexual nature.

So YES, Doc. People can have orgasms from that and call it sex. And that is the reason that I use the term coitus because it leaves less doubt as to my meaning. The OP made a distinction between foreplay and "sex" and by sex I understood him to mean coitus.

I still agree with you that he should explore all of the forum and the entire site for that matter.

We're debating semantics. I prefer to use the traditional definitions of Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting, and, Foreplay, for the very reason you prefer coitus vs "sex"--a clear concise meaning. Does "sex" mean intercourse, foreplay, all, or some of the above classifications?

This is not unlike "vehicle" that includes, cart, sled, automobile, truck, space ship, etc.

Arousal includes several stages that each of these definitions help to classify and clarify. I began becoming particular on this issue when a few people stated they engaged in actual foreplay yet obviously did not devote any time to fooling around and just making out that are so critical. So, what did they have, a "Quickie"? Where along the process is the problem or concern happening?

Moreover, a lot of young people go straight for oral and manual stimulation and then wonder why they are having trouble "connecting" with their partner or becoming highly aroused. Having an hour of "foreplay" does not pinpoint matters as much as Necking, Petting, and, Heavy Petting do, in addition. These are inclusive activities so knowing that a couple is progressing along their respective arousal curves helps when attempting to pinpoint their problem.

I'm not disagreeing with you or how words in the Queen's English are defined, only that the term more nearly correct be used when doing some "diagnosing".