I am white and I am dating a black guy. I am not making generalizations or sterotypes or racist comments by any means but I have found that the majority of white men prefer skinnier, physically fit women. This is the first black guy that I have ever dated however, I have many many black friends who have shared some info with me about the type of girls that black men go for. Now I am not fat by any means but I have some meat on my bones and a little junk in the trunk. Because I have always dated white men, I have always felt that I need to be skinny and fit, and since I never thought I was skinny and fit, I have a complex about my appearance. Now that I am dating this black guy, I have gained back a little confidence in myself and my appearance because he says that I am "thick" and that's how he likes his women. My problem is that I still have many issues regarding my appearance and because of this, I cannot bring myself to have sex with my b/f in the daytime or with any lights on. I feel like he is critiquing my body as much as I do, even though he has told me a thousand times that he isn't and that he loves the way I look. He actually even said that if I put on a little more weight that he would like it even more. If he is perfectly fine with my body then why do I have such a problem with him seeing it in the light? I don't know how to get over my anxiety and just accept that he has no problems with how I look. It's kind of putting a damper on our sex life because he often wants to have sex spur of the moment when he gets home from work or when he wakes up in the morning (all of which are in the daylight) and I can't seem to get past my anxiety and truly get in the mood unless it's dark (and I mean COMPLETELY dark)
Fri, 07/13/2007 - 20:35
#1
Problems with sex in the daytime - how I look ...
well just make the effort get used to it get yourself used to he said he likes your body so quit worrying
Stop! Ditch the guys for once and go to your local swingers meeting - look at the women there. I guarantee the experience will open your eyes. Any of these women get more sex from more men and have more mind-blowing fun, than you do and they do not look any better than you do. Some better in some ways and some worse. Your BODY does not matter as much as your MIND does!
It is the PERSON, not the PACKAGING, that matters.
what's this "he likes his women thick" BS? He should be "I like you for you - whatever your figure might be". Duh!
I am into monogamy...but thanks
Which would apply if you were MARRIED to him but doesn't since you aren't. Also, I doubt you will be since you are the "rebound girl".
yes getting off the main topic and in view of your other posts it does look like your just a rebound for him and what a hurry he got into a relationship before clearing up the previous one
EEK and Newtolove....until I have any kind of proof that he is cheating on me (talking to an ex doesn't constitute cheating in my book) I am going to assume that he is faithful. Even though you think I am the rebound girl, that doesn't mean that I can make him a rebound guy. Just because someone cheats on you doesn't mean you have to cheat back. If I ever found out that he was/is cheating on me, I would dump him and move on....I don't need to get my revenge....it's his loss.
I like my wife to be fairly thin, but I'll pass on the stick thin ones. Trust me, being stick thin is not healthy, and if people can count your bones even when you're wearing a shirt, you're a setup for all kinds of problems. Be glad you have a little extra.
Is your avatar a picture of you? I'm assuming it is (but if it's not, don't be offended). Looking at that pic, you have NOTHING to worry about. And considering that most of America is widening considerably, I don't think the ideal of the "thin and fit woman" should exist in it's current form.
As for your bf, don't gain weight for him. Stay at the weight that's right for you. He should know better than to suggest that you change, but he'll learn eventually.
It isn't revenge - it is about not rushing into exclusive relationships like some lost puppy begging to be adopted.
To be blunt about it, yes I know, when am I not, your figure etc does not really matter in the end - what matters is your confidence, your joy, your drive - the amount of LIFE in your life!
Get some and get on with it.
Another thing to do since you didn't like the swinger suggestion, is to go to a clothing optional beach. You see all types of bodies and these people are very comfortable and relaxed and generally friendly. Join on in and you can become comfortable being naked in the daytime this way. It really can help persons with body anxiety and help you become more comfortable just being naked. The nice thing about this is the seperation between just being naked and there is nothing sexual about it. Of course the first time I went naked at a beach it was stimulating just because it was new. But it wasn't long before that feeling wen away and it was just fun being naked in the sun and not having to worry about people starring at you. You will see bodies in worse shape than yours and maybe a few better looking bodies, but it really doesn't matter. The human body is interesting in all its forms.
I went out hiking with a group of people for the first time a few months ago and we hiked in the nude. It was great. Some of the people were shaved, others trimmed and some natural. Only one guy had a very trim body, but he hikes almost every day of the week. But the nice thing was no one cared about the body shape, but just about getting out and hiking, seeing the scenery, a chance to socialize and being out in the sun naked. No body anxiety here and a very relaxed atmosphere. Give something like this a try and it may help your anxiety.