I'd like to start off by saying this site has been very helpful for me. I'm a 19 year old female who has yet to have sex. I am very nervous about my first time. A few questions, [or mostly concerns anyway]:
First off, i've just entered a relationship which i think has a very good future. THe problem is, my boyfriend has had a rather experienced past. He has had many partners, and has done many things with each. Even though he has assured me repeatedly that he is more than willing to wait until i am ready, i feel a slight pressure. I've talked it over with a few friends and my main problem is being nervous about both my body and the pain that i will inevitably feel the first time.
So i guess my question is, what can i do to make myself more comfortable about him seeing me in all my glory? I mean, i was very happy with my body until i realized he would see it. Suddenly all my flaws started popping out at me, and him seeing them makes me nervous. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what i can do to make myself more sure of my body?
just dont be nervous, go for it.
if you continue to be stressful, scared perhaps, then youll end up continuing the pattern of feeling like that, and no good can come from that, because then you could keep becoming scared or whatever when you want to have your first time and then youll never have it.
thats just my two cents worth, right or wrong. :)
thank you for your opinion. I have been trying to tell myself the same thing. just to go for it...doesnt work -smirk-
sorry to hear that. maybe you can see a better suggestion or something when brandye or doc or one of the other senior's get back on...they seem to have the better smarts for this.
either way, good luck. maybe after your first time you might feel different? (im still a virgin, so i couldnt tell you) but...
you know what they say, you never know until you try.
In my limited experience, men tend to prefer the naked girl in bed with them to all the pin-ups in the world. Massive scars might elicit comment, but those have stories attached.
I'll leave the in-depth commentary to those who have more to say.
lol, i agree with spell there...100%
>> maybe you can see a better suggestion or something when brandye or doc or one of the other senior's get back on.
Well, it is daylight in (sorta) Sunny California and I'm back for the moment. This will be a quick reply as I have to attend to some errands so I will probably have more to comment upon this, later.
> what can i do to make myself more comfortable about him seeing me in all my glory? I mean, i was very happy with my body until i realized he would see it. Suddenly all my flaws started popping out at me, and him seeing them makes me nervous.
The suggestion to relax is a good one, although how do you relax when you do not specifically know how? One bit of knowledge that might help is to understand that when we fall in love we accept our partner in all his/her glory including the pieces-parts as yet unseen. The question reminds me of a scene in the movie "An Officer and a Gentlemen" in which a young woman went to the doctor for an exam and was shown pulling the sheet up over her head while the doctor was busy below. One way to become comfortable with being undressed in front of your lover is to do it in stages, a little at a time, going a little bit further each time and expanding your comfort zone. Another way to become comfortable is to accept his compliments about what he sees and not question the validity of or honesty of his words. And, as an example, let's say you have a stray hair here or a small mole or dimple someplace that bothers you--so what, let him deal with it, not you. A wise man will not make you feel worse by commenting on something that obviously bothers you and/or you have no control over.
-continuing later-
I have often thought that women who have yet to come to terms with disrobing in front of their lover would have an easier time of it if it was summertime and she was wearing a bikini. Why? Two reasons: first, a bikini albiet little more than a bra and panties, has a much different connotation; for one thing it is outerware and not underware. Wearing one at the beach or in the yard leaves little to the imagination and there are very few places for flaws to hide. Regardless of garb, if the two of you proceed slowly and deliberately, your comfort level will increase if you do not disrobe all at once; rather, unfasten your top or bra and let it dangle while both of you get used to the new level of intimacy this affords. He can begin exploring yet you are not completely exposed. Later, as your level of sexual excitement hightens, you can slip it off. You may be shy or timid or have anxiety about how he will react to seeing your breasts for the first time, but as a guy I can tell you that regardless of shape or size, he has already early on in your relationship decided to accept them unconditionally. He is an inconsiderate fool if he doesn't!
You can decide when you want to let him explore your genitals and how. He may already be trying to rub them through your clothing; if you have given him more permission, then he may be slipping a finger inside your panties. I may be old fashioned but I do believe that going slow is much better than not particularly if a girl/woman is apprehensive about all this. When your level of excitement has significantly increased we often have a devil may care, damn the torpedos, attituted when nearing an orgasm and this makes it easier to go further with one or the other of you removing your panties.
> I've talked it over with a few friends and my main problem is being nervous about both my body and the pain that i will inevitably feel the first time.
Brandye has discussed the matter more than once about first time intercourse and what to expect. She should expound on this. In brief, a lot of girls have hymens that have already eroded away to one degree or another as a result of being active in sports, or using Tampons. Discomfort will have more to do with a vaginal opening that is not used to being stretched. (You will find several posts by me detailing how to enlarge the entrance.)
If the hymen is intact, you will find upon self-examination, that the membrane can be one of several different shapes and thickness, have different whole patterns (or not) or only partially obstruct the entrance. You should take a hand mirror and do a little exploring. Brandye and others have stated that if there is any discomfort it is usually momentary and not that bad. Initial intercourse may or may not be all that you hope for, very often this happens days or weeks later with more experience, less angst, more confidence, and when any wounds have had time to heal. This is not to suggest that intercourse won't be fun, enjoyable or rewarding, only that the physical aspects of it may take longer to catch up to the profound emotional aspects.
I suggest putting all this in perspective. Being a bit afraid of the unknown is fine and wondering if there will be much if any pain is OK, too, yet do not let these be the things you focus on; rather, let your mind and soul focus on him and what you are doing for each other. In other words, get into the moment and enjoy the wonder of it all and try to connect with each other emotionally.
and that's what i meant by what i said...sorta.
i just couldnt put what i said into more detail.
Sweetchaos, here are some other bits of information you may find comforting.
Please do not be overly concerned about your boyfriend's prior experience. Each time a new partnership is formed, a new set of dynamics come into play and thus a couple set off on a new and unknown adventure. Each of you probably have likes, dislikes, preferences, wants, and needs that have to be considered. Experience can be a nice thing to have, yet when it comes to sex, it isn't all that important. What is is overall knowledge.
There are ways to minimize potential discomfort. First, use the Woman Superior position for initial intercourse. This places the woman in command, being able to position the penis as necessary, apply the pressure needed to get in and past the hymen, the speed of penetration, depth--and how stroking will be done. This position is also the best for generating your orgasm, although with you may not experience one this first time for various impinging reasons.
Regardless of the position you use, pressure should be used to gain entrance. The man should not shove or jab. Let him know when you are ready. That you are wet is not reason enough--be aroused enough! Use your natural mucous to lubricate his penis, or you can use a regular lube if necessary, although probably not.
If you are able to experience orgasms, ask that he help you achieve one or more before intercourse, and after, if it is your desire.
And now for the unasked question: what do you think about seeing your boyfriend in all his glory?
wow, thank you. That was alot of great information. And i hope it works in comforting me. As for that question..
I am a little nervous about it, but i think for the most part i will be ok about it. I mean, him being naked doesnt bother me. Its the me part. -smirks-
ok, on friday night, i finally had sex for the first time. But i found myself still unable to get over him seeing me naked. The lights were off during, but when he got up he turned on the light and i automatically covered myself up, and i made sure i had a blanket around me the entire rest of the night. I even kicked him out of the room so i could get dressed the next morning. I am having a hard time really letting myself believe that he will find now flaws in my body, even though he tells me repeatedly that im perfect.
[QUOTE=sweetchaos] I am a little nervous about it, but i think for the most part i will be ok about it. I mean, him being naked doesnt bother me. Its the me part. -smirks-[/QUOTE]
Yeah i have the same type of thinking, My girls BEAUTIFUL! so i'm sure shes guna look good naked anyway, but i just don't think i am, i keep thinking shes guna be like "Eew get away from me" (Like in my post Hot Or Not)
Just to let ye know your not alone :p
EDIT:
Just seeing your new post, well did he say anything negative or positive about how you looked naked?
no he didn't. In fact he looked at me and gave me the usual "damn!" which in his case is his way of telling me he likes what he sees. But its the same before, when he just had my top off. No matter how many times he tells me that he loves my body and that he could never see anything wrong with it. That i am beautiful. I still find myself covering up. I dunno. Maybe after a little while ill just get used to it....
[QUOTE=sweetchaos] he looked at me and gave me the usual "damn!" which in his case is his way of telling me he likes what he sees. But its the same before, when he just had my top off. No matter how many times he tells me that he loves my body and that he could never see anything wrong with it. That i am beautiful.QUOTE]
Well there ye go, he doesn't see any faults, he loves you for who you are, and what you have to offer, I don't like the way I look or my body, but my partener seems to like it, so... I guees after a while I'll stop looking down at myself lol :p
But I'm sure you have got a good body an are Beautiflu ;)
well i am quite happy with my body. I dont normally find any flaws. It wasn't until i started thinking about the fact that he would be seeing it naked that i got worried. I dunno. He has called me perfect on many occassions and i have told him not to. It just something that is hard to live up to. And i alwasy feel like i have to compete with myself. Like i have to be perfect at all times. Maybe thats my issue. Like if he seems me naked ill fall from this massive pedestal he has placed me on...
Yeah I know exactly what you mean, personally, i don't feel good enough for my partener, feel like i'm letting her down, because there's so many other people she could be with, yet she chooses me, and if i'm honest, she could do better lol, but i know exactly what you mean, she keeps saying 'm perfect, thing is does she mean it or just say it to make me feel better?
I just wish that i could be some one else or something, or atleast not be so selfconcious
-nods- My boyfriend has been with many other girls as well. So there is always that constant... will i disappoint him? question lingering. But he really does seem to genuinely care for me. If only i could make myself believe him. Guess it just comes with time. From your picture i think you will do just fine. You are a rather attractive fellow.
[QUOTE=sweetchaos]-nods- My boyfriend has been with many other girls as well. So there is always that constant... will i disappoint him? question lingering.[/QUOTE]
Thats how i feel! I keep saying what if I'm not a good kisser, what if I'm not good in bed, she said that them things can be improved on, and that she loves me for who i am and not how i've been with or what i've done...
Man... she really is perfect, i'm so lucky to be with her
And thank you *Blushes* :p
-smirks- ive actually been complimented on my kissing. I am pretty proud of my prowess there. lol
See me and my beau haven't actually reached the level of saying 'i love you' I mean, we have talked about how much we care for each other and know that we could love each other in the future. I think i might actually love him now. I dunno. I guess its sounds stupid that we had sex before 'love' [though i am a skeptic when it comes to love] but i really wasn't waiting for love, i was waiting for someone i could trust. And i trust him completely.. i guess i should learn to trust the validity of his compliments as well
[QUOTE=sweetchaos]-smirks- ive actually been complimented on my kissing. I am pretty proud of my prowess there. lol
See me and my beau haven't actually reached the level of saying 'i love you' I mean, we have talked about how much we care for each other and know that we could love each other in the future. I think i might actually love him now. I dunno. I guess its sounds stupid that we had sex before 'love' [though i am a skeptic when it comes to love] but i really wasn't waiting for love, i was waiting for someone i could trust. And i trust him completely.. i guess i should learn to trust the validity of his compliments as well[/QUOTE]
Hehe, what does prowess mean? (I've heard people on here say it)
Well I'm crazy in love with my partener, we love each other so much, we talk all and everyday saying it, On MSM and txt mostly, she said she'd wana loose her vaginity to me, which makes me feel kinda special, it's hard to find girls round here that haven't lost their virginity at the age of 12 of i'm honest, but she really respects herself (I'm from London, shes from Birmingham)
prowess = skills
i want to love him. I really do. I have had boyfriends before, but i have never felt that... 'spark' before. When we kiss my knees turn to jelly. My stomach flips. I see firworks. That kind of thing. I dunno. Im a skeptic. Well he was my first.
The friday that just passed. It was great. It didn't change anything. We wen't right back to being me and him, like nothing had happened. In fact i think we got a little closer.
[QUOTE=sweetchaos]The friday that just passed. It was great. It didn't change anything. We wen't right back to being me and him, like nothing had happened. In fact i think we got a little closer.[/QUOTE]
I'm glad for ye ;)
I can't wait for me and my partener to have sex, not because i want just sex, but i wana show her how much i love and care for her. I know I'm ready aswell, shes deffinatley the one for me, for rest of my life as far as i see :D
(an thanks for saying what that means :p )
well what my bf actually said to me was 'i can't wait for sex because we dont need it' which was true. Our relationship was amazing without sex in it. It only added to our time together.
[not a problem :D]
Yeah I can honestly say i wouldn't mind if me and my partener never had sex, althought i have gota admit, i'm kinda horney lol, but i'm speaking to her now and i'm meeting her up here at London!!! WoOoOoOoOo!!!
Hey i hope ye don't mind me asking but have you got MSN? you seem like a good person to chat to lol, if you don't wana then nevermind :p
yeah i do, course i would like to talk
ill PM you my email
kk, but how can ye PM me?:confused: