So I kinda have a problem, a rather big one on my side.
You see... me and my gf have been having sex for about a year now. It used 2 be an everyday thing and she used to lovvveeee it. But now she's not all that into it, she loves when we do it but she doesn't mention it much.
I asked her on the phone today why she doesn't seem interested in it as much and she told me something like its cuz I always talk while we do it. Not true, but yea sometimes I talk. And by talk I mean tell her to change things up and this and that so i dont know. I'm only 15 and I lost it to her so I didn't know she hated it THAT much. Anyways lemme get to the point. I love eating her out, the smell, taste, texture, I absolutely LOVE it. I feed off her pleasure. I do it at random she doesn't even have 2 ask. I'm assuming she's lucky. My problem is that she doesn't enjoy giving me oral as much :/ I love oral more than intercourse but I think she's too dam lazy and doesn't have enough motivation.
I talked 2 her about it and she told me she wud work on it so ok that's good. But is there any way I can make it fun for her? Any way she can fall in love with giving me oral like I love giving it to her? The reason I talk and tell her to actually give me head is cuz if I don't tell her, she won't do it. But she gets mad when I tell her so how will it be possible to get what I want without getting her mad/turned-off?
Thanks.
Okay...well your only 15 so how old is your girlfriend?
You cant tell a person to go down on you. And if she gets mad then maybe she jsut doesnt like it. I dont see how this is fairness. She just seems to not enjoy it.
Talking during sex can be a nuisance. I mean maybe if you are simply saying you want to be on top or how do you want it then thats fine but no full on convos.
And here is another problem. You talked on the phone and from the sounds of it you didnt pay much attention. [quote]she told me something like its cuz I always talk while we do it[/quote]
That sounds like you were barely paying attention.
You cant make people fall in love with something. Try wearing a flavored condom, because she may not like the taste. Plain and simple.
Oh and fyi dont think she is special since you will go down on her. Alot of people are willing to do it, so dont let it get to your head. Nothing is worse than a big ego in bed.
First: it is "My girlfriend and I" - you put the other person first - that way you do NOT sound like a selfish lout.
Now then - you cannot MAKE anyone do anything. You may suggest but it is much better to STOP pressing for something and just to enjoy what you do get. How would you enjoy being NAGGED at? Only, only, only give what you would like to receive. Stop asking for oral and start getting into body worship. The one will follow with increasing skill at doing the other.
Most men like talking during sex while most women do not - there was a study done recently on this. My recommendation is to substitute appreciative noises for actual words - purring is always good. Acting as a 'ringmaster' is NOT good.
Please see the sticky posts entitled Body Worship and The Program.
(You're getting better, Ducy - that wasn't at all bad.)
Thanks for the help :)
Ducy, my girlfriend is 15 as well. I don't have a full on convo while having sex, I just ask for too much. After reading what you and kitty said, I gues I realize that I'm the problem and I need some things to work on. I'm demanding, I ask for too much and your right, perhaps she simply doesn't enjoy it.
And about the phone part, I read what I said and that sounds really bad. I give my girlfriend FULL attention on the phone and I listen to every word she speaks. The reason I said "something like" was to bring it down to a point for you guys, which I worded wrong because I did make it sound like I don't pay attention, my mistake.
Evilevilkitten, I'm not so sure if I'm selfish or not, but I'm definantly gonna take what both you and ducy said in mind. I don't want to be selfish. I just want the best for my girlfriend and I. I just want a way to help her enjoy giving me oral. I have suggested it to her and asked her multiple times, but I won't ask anymore because i really doubt it would make a difference at this point. She has told me that she likes it and she'll try to do it more often and enjoy it, so all I can do is wait.
Furthermore, thanks to both of you for the help and suggestions. :-)
All things aside like relationship measures ect, just find ways to make oral better for her. Some women get really into it if you talk a bit dirty to them about ur member to make them crave and have fun pleasing you. Others just hate the taste and dont like it much at all. A good medium suggestion is food, stuff like frosting, whip cream, flavored lubes, and many others are a great way to make it enjoyable. My g/f loves strawberries and chocolate, and yes we have busted out a strawberry lube on both of us before as well as pillsbury chocolate icing =p. go with the fun and dont expect.
After twelve months, most couples do reduce the frequency of making love to something like every two-three days or even less frequently. Find a balance the the two of you can be happy with.
I realize that there is more testosterone in your veins than blood right now and that you are being driven by hormones, however, as with most things in life, there has to be a balance with the other aspects and activities. Concentrate on improving your relationship and your interactions with each other and the love life will most likely take care of itself as a result. This is a learned skill so it will take some months or years to perfect this skill. The sooner you do the more interesting you will be and the more interested in you she will be long term.
Learn to give verbal and non-verbal feedback to each other. I've talked about this often. Verbal can be a word or other utterance that conveys a meaning the two of you work out. The same goes for non-verbal. These cues can be a squeeze of the hand, rubbing the hand slow to fast, a well timed sigh, etc. Rather than express in words what you want, try positioning your body, or hers, so your intent is unmistakable. If you want her to provide oral stimulation, wiggle your way up to her mouth, or, gently move her head toward your genitals. If she wants to follow through, she will. Regardless, enjoy the "ride".
I recommend talking about other things and changing the focus from sex to other things. It has been said that in a happy successful relationship, sex is ten percent of the reason; in a troubled relationship sex is ninety percent of the reason. If you must discuss technique or preferences, do so at a time and in a place when the two of you are not planning on becoming intimate. Stick to one or two issues and do not make it all about you; rather, make it about the two of you and what you would like to see happen and then ask for her thoughts and ideas, and work from there.
It can sometimes take a girl/woman a while to enjoy providing oral stimulation. Age and maturity play a big part as does her overall view of sex and body parts. The worst thing you can do is push. The best thing you can do is encourage, particularly by having an open dialog and learning where her head is at. If she knows that you enjoy this and that it has a pay off for her as well then she may just come to terms with it eventually.
In the meantime, show her how you masturbate, take her hand and guide her movements over the course of several sessions until she learns to mimic your technique of motion, rhythm, and pressures. Do not forget to give her feedback for how you are responding to her caresses and for what you need next. Encourage her to do the same for you. One of the reasons oral stimulation is so awesome is because the stimulation produces much more intensity. You can acquire this intensity by hand, also.
Learn where your hot spots are, when and how to stimulate them. The A#1 hot spot that is guaranteed to trigger an orgasm is by rubbing the Frenulum {Y-shaped ridge of skin extending from the cleft on the underside of the penis to the top of the shaft.) One or more other hot spots can be randomly distributed around the Corona Rim at the back of the Glans/top of the shaft. Use plenty of lubrication and learn how best to stimulate these areas as well as your entire penis. Work at developing her expertise using her fingers and hand(s) and you'll be pleasured very very well. The same holds true for you with her. Encourage her to give you feedback on what works and when and how when you pleasure her with your fingers, hand, mouth, lips, and tongue.
Lastly, learn to moan, groan, "ooh" and "ahh" in response to the good things that happen.
Thanks a lot for the help guys. I have been actually trying all the things stated above because be4 creating this thread I decided to read around first. Evidently, things are going good the last 2 days. I actually received a text message from my gf in school stating how badly she wanted to suck me :)
Hopefully everything goes great from now.
Start slow, lots of foreplay, no nagging or pushing. Just go wit the flow I guess and work things fron there. And yea, I should be focusing on other activities besides sex at this age, and I am. We probably talk about sex only twice a week at most.
One more tip. If you ever talk about something that has any importance to you or her, do it in person. A lot of things cannot be done through the phone...you cant read body or facial expressions. Which most of the time is what someone is really trying to say....
For instance. Lets say you ask me if I like sex. I say..."Oh...its okay." Meanwhile I have a huge grin on my face, or some sort of expression that relays the message "HECK YES I LOVE IT!!!!!"
Ducy, you are so right.
I always feel like its pointless talking about things like that over the phone. I feel like I don't get anything done.
About an hour ago I was at my girlfriends house and we talked about everything. It couldn't have gone better, I feel like my girlfriend and I both got every little thing on our mind go. We spoke about everything and it went so good. Heck, I even ended up getting a blowjob and I'm thinking its cuz I havnt mentioned one thing about it to her at all :)
So once again, thanks for the help and tips they worked out great. I'm not only doing this for the action, I'm doing it because I know its a huge bother to get nagged about something like that. I even told her I'm deeply sorry for nagging about it and being so immature about it and it even pisses me off that I was acting the way I was. Honestly, I even teared up because I made such a big mistake and I new she HATES hearing me nag and beg her for it. Thank you so much guys haha :P
Remember you're both young and things will change a lot in the next five years.
Also, communication is the key. There's nothing wrong with telling her you like head and asking if there's anything you can do to make it more pleasurable for her and/or asking why she doesn't like doing it (or if she doesn't like it). There is something wrong with pushing her to do something she doesn't want to do.
Make sense?
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;213622]After twelve months, most couples do reduce the frequency of making love [/QUOTE]
Is it "unhealthy" if a couple doesn't? :o
[quote=curious_woman;215176]Is it "unhealthy" if a couple doesn't? :o[/quote]No, it's not unhealthy!
[QUOTE=sera300;215189]No, it's not unhealthy![/QUOTE]
Thank gawd:p:D;)
[quote=nuttychick;215197]Thank gawd:p:D;)[/quote]
Glad you like that...I cannot see why it's unhealthy...good for mental & emotional well-being...LOL!:eek:
lol Im so pleased my huge appetite for "loving" is not unhealthy:D:p;)
Too funny...now if more women shared that sentiment!!!!;)
If I don't get my 15 hours of sex each week, I get ...."testy".