Hello, last night I could not get an erection while with my girlfriend. I hadnt seen her in a week and a half and she took it kinda personal that apparently I wasnt that excited to see her. Its not like its the first time we had ever had sex before so it wasnt like i was nervous or anything. In fact I couldnt wait to get in bed with her......then nothing. We tried once and nothing then about 2 hours later and nothing again. I'm dissappointed but more concerned that she was hurt by it. One she really wanted to have sex and two she took it as she couldnt do it for me. I really dont know what the problem is.... its definately not her.......shes amazing. This has happend one other time before a few weeks back but the whole week I was away from her I had huge erections when I would just think about being with her.
Tue, 03/25/2008 - 15:45
#1
problems with erection
First:
Your girlfriend needs to take things less personally and not be so "offended".
Second:
"Stuff happens" that has nothing to do with a person's passion or desire.
Third:
Stress and a condition known as "Performance Anxiety" can make it difficult for a guy to "get it up". The fix is to quite simply stop worrying about what doesn't work (temporarily) AND work on what does--making out.
Even though you may not be able to get an erection, it is still possible to have an orgasm. Even if you cannot engage in intercourse, there is much the two of you can do to confirm and demonstrate the love you have for each other. Do these!!
For more on this please do an Advanced Search of the site using my name and the search terms: PE or Performance Anxiety
This happened to me last week. I was horny, my girlfriend and I was alone, I put on the condom and suddenly I was as limp as cooked spaghetti.
Dont even sweat it. Stuff happens
thanks for the replies
I guess I'm not really so much concerned with not being able to get it up but more concerned with how she felt because of it. Shes the last person in the world I want to make feel like it was her or something she did or didnt do.
[quote=TheChad;212603]thanks for the replies
I guess I'm not really so much concerned with not being able to get it up but more concerned with how she felt because of it. Shes the last person in the world I want to make feel like it was her or something she did or didnt do.[/quote]
Women do understand and have been in the similar circumstances---a man who just needed to relax or get some sleep. Never took it personally...snuggling suffices well.
Sera, you have quite a bit of compassion don't you? LOL
Well last night we tried again and the same thing happend....also this morning and the same. I dont want to make it seem like our relationship is based soley on sex but it seems to be putting a strain on things. I can see its very frusteration for her. I'm ready to go and we fool around for awhile and then all of a sudden I lose it. She definately thinks it has something to do with her and even went as far as saying she thought maybe we shouldnt have started having sex in the first place, which kinda hurts even though it wasnt a shot at me. She clearly doesnt understand. Shes only had one boyfriend before me and that lasted 3 years....apparently he never had the same problem or she wouldnt be so confused.
This is really starting to bother me.....this has been the case for about 3 weeks now. When we first started having sex about 2 months ago everything was going fine. I'm 23 years old with the girl of my dreams..... this shouldnt be happening and I dont know why.
I know that I'm probably just thinking about it too much but how do I stop thinking about it?
Please read my post, again.
doc, I'm definately reading your posts, thanks so much.
Your girlfriend needs to take things less personally and not be so "offended".Second: I tried to tell her its NOTHING to do with her but clearly I think she does think that. She thinks i'm being too shy and not telling her what I want her to do to get me an erection ....if i knew what to tell her I would.
"Stuff happens" that has nothing to do with a person's passion or desire. I do know this
Third:
Stress and a condition known as "Performance Anxiety" can make it difficult for a guy to "get it up". The fix is to quite simply stop worrying about what doesn't work (temporarily) AND work on what does--making out. I know this is most likely my problem but dont know how to stop worrying. We make out and feel around and everything and I feel like i'm ready then nothing.
Even though you may not be able to get an erection, it is still possible to have an orgasm. Even if you cannot engage in intercourse, there is much the two of you can do to confirm and demonstrate the love you have for each other. Do these!! we do these things but I guess its kinda a letdown that I get her all riled up and then no sex. Its definately something she enjoys and wants.
For more on this please do an Advanced Search of the site using my name and the search terms: PE or Performance Anxiety I will do this, thanks again
Look:
There are a few things wrong with this picture.
First: Obviously something is bugging you. Are you worried that you are going to go limp again so that prevents it from saluting? Are you worried you are going to get her pregnant (i.e. condom failure? Are you even using a condom?!?!)
Second: You guys are making out and everything is going fine. You put on the condom and then go limp? Or in the time you start to take out the condom you lose it? If thats the case have her put it on for you. I once read of a girl (In hustler) who could put a condom on with her mouth. So dont think having a girl put a condom on for you isnt fun.
Third: Your girlfriend needs to do some growing up. Boo Hoo my boyfriend isnt hard. He must not love me. That shows how mature she is. If you lose your erection who cares. I mean like sera said. You may be tired, stressed (especially if this happened more than once), even dehydrated or a little under the weather. I mean saying oh you cant get it up that means we shouldnt have started sex, it never happened to my other boyfriend. She has had what? One sexual partner? Oh man that sure does make her experienced. Just cuz one guy gets it up all the time doesnt mean everyone will. Some people have ups and downs. Some people have times when they are just amazingly great in bed and sometimes they fizzle.
Fourth: So you step up to the plate and you freeze. Everything she throws at you goes straight into the catchers glove. So what do you do? Take one for the team. Say forget it with the sex. Go down, finger, bump and grind. Just get her off. Sex is definitely better than fingering, or cunninglus. (sp?) But theres nothing wrong with it! I mean hey the best way to get rid of an erection...MASTURBATE. The best way to get rid of your girlfriends arousal? Mind blowing multiple orgasms! I mean sounds to me like someone needs to brush up on their tongue skills. I dont think she would dare complain if you couldnt get it up, yet could lick your way through a lifesaver. ;)
Fifth: It also sounds like someone needs to cool it and stop at 3rd base rather than try to make it all the way home. Nothings wrong with getting a hand job or a blow job rather than sex. I know sex isnt about orgasms, but for a guy, 99% of the time you still wind up getting to the same point. Try it once or twice. I mean you orgasm, get used to staying hard and then you try sex again and everything works.
First: Obviously something is bugging you. Are you worried that you are going to go limp again so that prevents it from saluting? Are you worried you are going to get her pregnant (i.e. condom failure? Are you even using a condom?!?!) I'm definately not thinking anything about this
Second: You guys are making out and everything is going fine. You put on the condom and then go limp? Or in the time you start to take out the condom you lose it? If thats the case have her put it on for you. I once read of a girl (In hustler) who could put a condom on with her mouth. So dont think having a girl put a condom on for you isnt fun. We dont use a condom. She is on birth control and I pull out when I'm about to cum.
Third: Your girlfriend needs to do some growing up. Boo Hoo my boyfriend isnt hard. He must not love me. That shows how mature she is. If you lose your erection who cares. I mean like sera said. You may be tired, stressed (especially if this happened more than once), even dehydrated or a little under the weather. I mean saying oh you cant get it up that means we shouldnt have started sex, it never happened to my other boyfriend. She has had what? One sexual partner? Oh man that sure does make her experienced. Just cuz one guy gets it up all the time doesnt mean everyone will. Some people have ups and downs. Some people have times when they are just amazingly great in bed and sometimes they fizzle. she hasnt said anything about her past boyfriend not having this problem but I guess thats whats in my head if she seems confused by it.
Fourth: So you step up to the plate and you freeze. Everything she throws at you goes straight into the catchers glove. So what do you do? Take one for the team. Say forget it with the sex. Go down, finger, bump and grind. Just get her off. Sex is definitely better than fingering, or cunninglus. (sp?) But theres nothing wrong with it! I mean hey the best way to get rid of an erection...MASTURBATE. The best way to get rid of your girlfriends arousal? Mind blowing multiple orgasms! I mean sounds to me like someone needs to brush up on their tongue skills. I dont think she would dare complain if you couldnt get it up, yet could lick your way through a lifesaver. Well she doesnt want me to give her oral sex, I dont think she likes the idea of me going down on her and using the same mouth to kiss her other times. As for fingering I usually do this during foreplay to get her wet and it works however if I do it too long she says it starts to hurt.
[QUOTE=TheChad;212698]doc, I'm definately reading your posts, thanks so much.
Your girlfriend needs to take things less personally and not be so "offended".Second: I tried to tell her its NOTHING to do with her but clearly I think she does think that. She thinks i'm being too shy and not telling her what I want her to do to get me an erection ....if i knew what to tell her I would.
[COLOR="Blue">Please read this article:[/COLOR]
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
"Stuff happens" that has nothing to do with a person's passion or desire. I do know this
Third:
Stress and a condition known as "Performance Anxiety" can make it difficult for a guy to "get it up". The fix is to quite simply stop worrying about what doesn't work (temporarily) AND work on what does--making out. I know this is most likely my problem but dont know how to stop worrying. We make out and feel around and everything and I feel like i'm ready then nothing.
[COLOR="Blue">Concentrate on making out. Show her how you masturbate. Guide her hand over several sessions until she learns to mimic how you do it. Give her verbal or non-verbal feedback on how you are responding and for what you need next.
[/COLOR]
Even though you may not be able to get an erection, it is still possible to have an orgasm. Even if you cannot engage in intercourse, there is much the two of you can do to confirm and demonstrate the love you have for each other. Do these!! we do these things but I guess its kinda a letdown that I get her all riled up and then no sex. Its definately something she enjoys and wants.
[COLOR="Blue">
"Sex" as in intercourse? Then until you do get and maintain an erection, your goal should be to continue to pleasure her and see to her needs. Help her to have as many orgasms as she wants all the while making out.[/COLOR]
For more on this please do an Advanced Search of the site using my name and the search terms: PE or Performance Anxiety I will do this, thanks again[/QUOTE]
Give these things a try and get back to us.
Ducy, I tend to agree with you, although, I believe in the case of his girlfriend, it is more a lack of information than maturity that is her problem.
thanks so much, I'll give them a read
I have read the first link before and just went over it but not sure thats really the problem.
As for showing her how i liked to be touched I'm not sure if it would really help any because I cant say shes doing anything wrong. I think its definately something with me.
As for giving her as many orgasms, Shes only had one orgasm ever...from a vibrater. She does enjoys intercourse (it was happening at first with no problems at all and was amazing). As for other types of foreplay she doesnt seem to enjoy fingering or oral too much as I said before. I mean I like to think I'm atleast okay at it. I'm not just jamming my fingers around and have read articles and posts on this site.
I'm convinced the problem is me. Either mentally or physically. I doubt there is anything physically wrong with me.... I'm in great shape, I eat well.....I think I just had one problem and now thinking about it too much. I mean I can get hard but then when it comes to the point of intercourse its hard to block out of my mind this is where things went south the time before. Any suggestions on how to get over this?
You have to go of the negativity...you in your post are very down on yourself. Continue? And you will still have the issue. Know who you are and what you can do which is good and focus on it.
sera, I do realize this. I have even thought about not even comming to this site anymore because then I just think about it that much more. Really I guess what I'm looking for is advice on how to get this out of my mind.
thanks again
[quote=TheChad;212721]sera, I do realize this. I have even thought about not even comming to this site anymore because then I just think about it that much more. Really I guess what I'm looking for is advice on how to get this out of my mind.
thanks again[/quote]You have to relax about it. If really having a tough time think of you are viewing your personal porno favorites. Once you overcome it, it gets easier! And a good skilled lover will get you all revved up...women do know how to work with these things! Been there!
she doesnt know how to deal with it and I'm afraid i'm breaking her heart
OK....send her to this sight and let her read the posts then...that way her heart wont be broken
Well as I have some success with the problem I had been having it has gone in a new direction. The last 3 times we have had/tried to have sex I cum way too soon. First I came after only being in her for about 30 seconds, Second time I came really as soon as I got in her and last night I came before I even got in her..... I wasnt even fully erect and was just rubbing against her butt. Now I've heard of this often happening the first few times you have sex but the first few times we did it was perfect. In fact the third time we had sex I went on forever before I came. She loved it, was begging for more, and was screaming her head off. I think i have come to the point where I want to please her as much as I did that time but worried I cant and I cant get that out of my head.....really what is my problem. In a few weeks we are going to be away from each other for a few months and I dont want to leave on this note.
Okay....Chad....let me tell you of a story!
There once was this teenager, fairly new to sex, who could go on for 30 to 40 minutes. His girlfriend at the time loved it, because he could go slow and steady for as long as she could handle, and then pound away bringing her to a masive, earth shaking, mind blowing orgasm!
Then suddenly he started to go quicker and quicker. Eventually to the point that he came within 2 minutes of entering. His girlfriend lasted longer than usual. Next thing he knew, his girlfriend was barely cumming and he was done within 10 minutes each time.
But did he feel bad...of course, but rather than stress, (and with the help of some people from a website) decided to brush up on a few skills. And last night after a little body worship, he turned her into jelly after a little bit of oral. And as we speak he is getting texts from her saying how amazing it was, and how everytime she licks her lips, or sees someone stick their tongue out, she gets the chills and remembers last night!
Now put yourself in my shoes. Do you think my friend is bothered by my minute man capabilites? No in fact thats the last thing on her mind. So do yourself both a favor, stop stressing, and learn to enjoy cunninglus more than life itself. You wont regret it!
She just doesnt seem to really want me to go down on her, she never really says why just she'd rather not.
This morning we were going at it and I wasn't thinking about it at all, just enjoying it and I still came within a minute or two in her. I was hard but not real hard and its not even as if I climaxed, I just came and then went limp. I dont have this problem when I masterbate or anything.