this is going to be hard to explain as i have never seeked help for it in this way (plus i'm REALLY tired), but i'm desperate as i am now with a partner that i love and trust and feel completely comfortable with.
growing up my parents were pretty hush hush about certain subjects, especially anything sexual and pretty much tried to make it seem like it didn't exsist. this made me very uncomfortable about dicussing anything about sex, ect...
when i was younger i was on vacation in colorado with my family and while taking a shower in teh hotel i noticed what seemed to be a wierd growth near my genital area (my labia). at the time i didn't know that it was normal and having horrible anxiety, i told no one about it (STUPID MOVE!) and it tore me up for years because i thought i was deformed - something was wrong with me. a similar situation happened with the lining of my vagina and the development of rugae. everything freaked me out everytime i thought about it so i basically turned off any sexual thoughts or feelings completely until i was around 18, when i started experimenting with foreplay and dry(humping?) with my first real serious boyfriend. till this day i am having trouble regaining the time lost.
later that year i did some reasearch online to find out that the growths i thought were a deformity were actually my labia but not only recently did i get any information on the lining of my vagina and the vaginal opening. for a long time it was hard to except that i was normal, and to this day i still compeltely don't. i know that a solution to this problem is to goto a doc and have an exam but i'm too embarrased to get that done and not only that but i'm still have a feelign that something's.. off.. down there and that would be embarrassing to have pointed out. i'd rather just forget about it.
now i'm in a relationship with a boyfriend that i've been living with for almost a year that is completely fine with us not having sex and i completely trust him yada yada and really want to experience intercourse and 90% of me believes it is possible but the other 10% is holding back because of doubt.
at this point the only thing i think that is wierd about my vagina is that just inside the opening there are wierd bulbassy.. er.. things.. that have almost no feeling, similar to my cervix and i dunno if these are normal but i have seen what i believe to be the same things in various pictures online but am not quite sure as the photos are not clear. these also developed during puberty, so i'm sure nothing's wrong with them but if they are abnormal, that certainly is embarrasing to me.
if there is any way i oculd just have someone explain to me that htis is normal, or find a picture that shows this i would feel much better and would most likely proceed with intercourse.
PLZ!! i would appreciate any and every bit of help i get!! thx <3
- anon
However, you're someplace north of 18 years old and it's way past the time that you should be having regular visits with an OBGYN. Not only for your health, but for your partner's as well.
1. EVERY woman, by the age of 18, should have had a pelvic exam. In Chick Chat see the first gyn exam. There is other stuff in those five pages that could help you.
2. Go to google and put in "female sexual anatomy." You will get references with photos, diagrams and descriptions.
3. Sit on the edge of the toilet with a good light (gooseneck desk lamp) on the floor and a mirror. Large, table make up mirror is great. Look yourself over. Push, pull, twist, poke and look around.
4. Call your gyn. I am prejudiced but I prefer having woman doctors for women's things. And, in your case, it would likely be easier to talk to her. Get an appointment and tell her this complete story. She will have heard it before and will either be helpful herself or will have a relationship with a therspist who deals with this regularly.
You are fine. There are entirely too many women in your shoes who blunder ahead in ignorance. You can still learn and still have a good sex life ahead of you.
[growing up my parents were pretty hush hush about certain subjects, especially anything sexual and pretty much tried to make it seem like it didn't exsist. this made me very uncomfortable about dicussing anything about sex, ect...]
anon111
i feel your pain. my parent only knew how to make money and controle our lives. when my parents were young they sow there oats at a young age. cheated on each other. sleep with anyone they want to while they were young. But for sister and me we were not to mention about sex until i was 19. we were tought to work, obey order even when they were wrong.
when i move out and found my independant, i was able to see all the lost i have given up for there falts fear.
i still resent my parent for lieing to us and controle us with gelt and fear..\\\
never do that to your cheldren..it really mest up with there heads...
Hi Orange. As a parent, it's always disheartening to read such hurt and anguish. My only thought would be that some part of your parents was trying to protect you from making the same mistakes that they made. Be well.