Alright, so I'm a little new to this whole, post your sexual problems for everyone to see so please bear with me on this one.
Anyways, me and my girlfriend are having some problems. She wants to wait till we are married (dating now for 3 years) to have intercourse, so I am fine with that, not the issue. We are however, engaging in oral sex and handjobs/fingering. That's where the problem begins. While she is performing oral sex on me, I am aroused and horny, but I can't for the life of me ejaculate. This didn't used to be a problem and has just arose, but this has now gone on for about 2 months with no sign of letting up. When I masturbate there is no problem, and same if I masturbate while we are doing things, I can ejaculate then as well, it's just when she is giving me oral sex or a handjob that I can't. I don't believe that it's because I'm not aroused, because I think I am, but again, kinda confused by all of this
Basically I am wondering if this might be something medical in nature that I should see someone about, or if this is just all in my head or what, and if there is something I can do to help remedy this problem. Thanks for any help in advance.
Vpr has come pretty close and Brandye nailed it. There is one other aspect of this situation to consider that I often write about. When guys first begin to masturbate we quickly develop a "routine" for the rhythm, pressure, and stroking that we do and then over the years very rarely experiment or change what we have come to rely upon to bring about a climax. (www.jackinworld.com)
We all understand the basics of stroking a penis and fingering a clitoris; however, there is more to this that I call the "fine art" of the matter and that is the specific technique that we work out that is unique to each one of us. It is this fine art that must be learned by our partner. I recommend showing her how you masturbate and then taking her hand and guiding her movements several times with your own until she learns to mimic what you do when home alone.
What often happens with oral stimulation is that we become extremely aroused and the sensations we experience are much more intense than what we get just from a hand job (done correctly or not). Think of the situation as a "Y" in which you begin to become aroused down at the tail and then if you follow one branch you reach a climax having received the long relied upon stimulation (or close to it); yet if the two of you follow the other branch applying oral stimulation, you will very likely achieve a higher high yet the sensations will not be what we require to trigger an orgasm.
To have your cake and eat it too, have her combine both oral and manual stimulation near the end when you approaching the trigger point of your orgasm. Working together these two forms of stimulation are a dynamic duo!
Oh, and one more thing--hotspots: You may already have discovered that you have one or more hotspots distributed around the Corona Rim. Have her rub those. The absolute A#1 hotspot is the Frenulum {"Y-shaped ridge of skin extending from the cleft to the top of the shaft).
Give all this a try and let us know if this fixes the problem.
BTW, masturbating four or five times a week is not excessive. That many times a day would probably be considered to be. Whatever works for each of us is what is "normal".
i do not think it is medical at all but being online i cannot be 100% sure.
do you masturbate quite a lot during the week/before u2 do anything? if so this could cause some of the problem.
if not it could be a few things. basically you are so used to yourself doing it as good as u may be. i dont know. that when she does it, it does not feel the same because you are so used to yourself doing it you do not feel the sensations.
Also with the oral, doing oral often you get a build and tolerance for it. if you do it quite a few times a week then maybe you have a tolerance for it and need a rest from it. There are other alternatives and other things that you two can do. Try them.
Apart from that maybe fingering her whilst she is giving u a handy might add to your arousal and therefore make you 'ejaculate.'
How often are you and your partner together in the normal week and how often do you relieve yourself during the week. doing too much can lead to building up a tolerance and therefore not feeling the sensations as much.
and by u saying 'not being able to ejaculate' is this that you just give up after 30 mins? or you keep goin for a couple of hours and still nothing?
It is entirely psychological. I have been with men who cannot ejaculate through oral stimulatio; others; never miss. Something is going on in your head that is preventing climax into her mouth.
Well, I guess I typically do it myself around 4 or 5 times a week, which I didn't think was overdoing it at first, but I guess it could be when you put it that way, I just never thought that would be a problem. And I mean us going for about an hour and nothing, typically it didn't ever used to take that long, that's why it's becoming a worry.
Thing is though, it's not like we do it a lot, at best it's only once every week or so in all honesty, so not too terribly often either.
I guess I could understand psychological too, but thing is, I usually don't think about anything at the time (which I guess could be the problem).
One thing I have noticed is that I tense up a lot, to the point that my legs actually hurt. I have also noticed that I started doing this with my legs when I masturbate, and I find that it's the only way that I can ejaculate, which seems kinda wierd to me.