> we had sex and it was....bloody horrible. he didn't finish, it was just bad. I feel like i dread doing it again

Without knowing the specifics which you left out, Sera makes a good point.

How was your first bike ride? Mine ended up with a severely skinned knee, and the second was pretty rocky yet did not result in any more cuts and bruises. And, so it goes with a lot of first time adventures.

First time intercourse whether one or both parties is experienced or not is often less than hoped for. The reason is that this aspect of romance comes with "baggage". Each of us has likes, dislikes, preferences, quirks, expectations, certain profeciencies (or the lack of) and so on that must be worked through together. Making love is a team effort and partnership and as such it is not what one person does to another; rather, what we do with and for each other. It takes practice in order to build a "working relationship" in this respect. So, please do not be so hard on yourself or him.

As for him not climaxing, well, that is very common. The most probable reason is what is known as "Performance Anxiety", a condition in which the guy worries about all sorts of "what ifs" to the degree that his ability to perform is sidetracked. The fix is simple: stop worrying. This can be easier said than done; yet in truth, the cure is just that simple.

> alcohol was involved so it could have been a contributor to the hell of it all.

DO YOU THINK? Why would you involve liquor in an activity that should be special, and if this is your absolute first time--so uniquely special in a person's life? The substance is a depressant that acts as a sedative and will lower vital psychological activiesl in addition to the physical?

> i dont know what to do

Do it again if it is your wish. Like falling off a bike, ya get up, dust yourself off and get back on and try again. Now, whether you do it, again, with him (now or sometime down the road), or, wait for another time and another partner, just consider this a learning experience and do not be so darn hard on either of you or the outcome. Lower your expectations to a more realistic level given the above information and decide to work together as a team to explore and learn together and to become better as a result.

Try again...

From what I hear alcohol isnt as good as just having sex with eachother. You lose some of your coridnation, feelings, and kinda makes you just plain lame. I was suggested not just by my GF not to 'Drink and F**k" but by many other people I have met online.

ohh yah! try again.....couldve been the alcohol, couldve been pressure from all that time........now that uve done it....hopefully thats alleviated! :) try again and again and im sure it will get better! good luck :)

Mastery of anything comes from effort and will to achieve and lots of practice.

Only the one drink, please, if at all. The more sex you do - the better you get at it - if you're paying attention. Please read the Sticky posts.

Okay sexinthepan:

I had to write quick last night b/c my bf walk in from work. As dancindoc states the first time w/someone new is rarely what it's craked up to be. Case in point: My current bf and I both had been in long term relationships (him 6 years and me 3) before we got together. We both were very used to the comfort of knowing the other person well and reading & responding w/ ease. First each had their own insecurities, then there was the sex or the (attempted sex)! It was horrible, one glass of wine involved, we quit early b/c after 2 hours we could not get it together--he went limp and I got nervous and went dry--even the oral was horrible!!! We finally began laughing about how terrible it was. Then the truth came out--we both were comfortable w/ our past relationship partners and did not know what to do to keep the other happy (I swear he tried 7 different positions & I am thinking is this almost over). Trying to impress the other person w/techniques is just not fun the first time. Just keep it simple and do what feels good, when you pick up how the person resonds you'll know what work to enhance the second time. The next day we gave it a "basic" easy approach and it was great and has been improving since w/great variations. But if I quit after the first, we would never have gotten far. I think we have these wonderful expectations, the excitement has built up and now we are about to experience it...then it's like what is he/she doing?

I cant really remember the last time i had sober sex. It's been a while

Try it you might like it!!!

[QUOTE=Sirene;166551]I cant really remember the last time i had sober sex. It's been a while[/QUOTE]

I need to drink before sex. Maybe then it will be good?:o