Hey guys long time since I've been around these forums. I got a quick question...well more of a discussion or poll. Does anyone find their sexual attraction for a hookup is usually more varied than when looking for a potential gf or wife? (Same can be applied to female as well)
I was out the other night at a bar and I although there were some very attractive fit girls I couldn't help but drool over the thicker girls. I thought it was a little odd but I then realized that a lot of women that I have been incredibly sexually attracted to have had wide hips a big butt and big breasts. My one night stands have all been thick girls. Yet my gf's have all been thin.
At first I felt weird because I would be over them after sex. On occasion I would find a girl whom id meet for a regular thing but the only girls that have ever been led to consistent hookups and relationships are thinner girls. (I've almost always still maintained interest in a girl after sex.)
Am I just a pig for wanting to sleep with thick girls but losing interest after? We do stay friends, some of them good friends but I've never had an interest in dating them.
Please don't get me wrong. I talk to girls of all shapes and sizes. I do not discriminate and I am open to dating anyone. I dated a good number and it always seems to end badly with thick girls. Its like a relationship where you are both incredibly sexually attracted but efor whatever reason you never seem to click (even with common interests) with a lot of thinner girls (who I do find attractive yet I'm not necessarily drolling over) I develop more of an emotional attraction.
I do have a lot of friends who are larger. In fact a some of my closest friends are bigger. But for as close as we are I just never feel any greater connection. (Other then not being able to keep my eyes off them).
Idk what I'm expecting to find from posting here lol. Maybe some sort of validation for the fact that I can only seem to find a mental connection with smaller girls yet I have this insane attractiong to thick girls. I would assume that I would generally develop some sort of greater emotional connection to a girl whom I find so arousing. Or perhaps its just nature? I want to spread my gene to the woman who would best provide offspring (wide hips for birth) yet want to settle down with a different person because I feel they off more comfort? (Like how some women want the young virile stud yet as they age they start to realize that its not always the hot ripped stud but the gentle loving man who would take better care).
I don't know ducy,i find that i'm attracted,to whoever gives me goosebumps.I used to be a thin girl [size 8 Aus/Us 6],but as i've had children and gotten older i've thickened out somewhat.I'm now a size 16 Aus and my breasts,hips and butt have expanded.But i'm still the same person inside as i was when i used to be thin and willowy.I have had a lot of self esteem issues,and been trying to lose weight to get back to an Aus 12/US 10 .I know i'll never be as thin as i was in my teens and 20's.I am really trying to love myself regardless of my size.I really don't want to judge you ducy,but this sounds like 'Shallow Hal'syndrome.In the movie of the same name where the character Hal played by 'Jack Black' only dated thin girls.If you've see the film you will know what happens to him,and who he ends up with.It's all about personality and character to me rather than looks when i meet someone i want to spend more time with and get to know.One night stands to me are more about physical attraction and chemistry between myself and the other person.
Dear Ducy,
Just a thought:
[INDENT]When you are totally physically attracted to her; all you want is to have sex with her. The drooling-factor is overwhelming (alarm; system overload!). Later on you find that you're not much compatible when it comes to a relationship, a friendship maybe. That primary respons could in fact be called "nature", as you describe it :)
When the drooling-factor is less present, you probably seek and get drawn towards her more because of compatibility. Your mind is more open to that, because it is less intoxicated. And probably; it needs that compatibility in order to feel attracted/like/love her. [/INDENT]
You could very well start a relationship with a big girl some day, but chances are smaller because you weren't looking for that kind of compatibility in the first place. If you catch my drift? ;)
In other cases, but reading your posts I don't think that applies to you, there are definitely people that struggle with something like this, but triggered by a cultural or learned aspect. Iow: that you are attracted to, but simply can't be in a relationship with a big girl, because you feel a sort of shame for her appearance. And even shame for yourself for being attracted to something you think you shouldn't. Could be because such girls aren't "hot" in your culture. You feel pressured by your friends. Or you couldn't introduce her to your family that has always looked down on the bigger part of society by prejudice of them being lazy (and you can't help that by years of upbringing this way of thinking got stuck in your system as well). Etc, etc, etc.
I myself have never just looked at someone and experienced that drooling-factor :( I can find people physically beautiful, but seem incapable of being sexually attracted to someone by looks. Which I really don't consider a virtue, more something that alienates me and pisses me off... I apparently fall in love with someone's personality or character and after that I can experience sexual attraction. For years I had thought myself incapable of such feelings at all, so I already considered myself lucky! So far, I've only felt sexually attracted to one man. It does make me a loyal dog, I guess.... Maybe it will change one day and you all will tell me I should have been more careful what I wished for! ;)
[QUOTE=Ducy;263281]Btw gal. You can get back to pre child size. Its hard work and diet. (I'm a CPT and working on my degree in nutrition). Just gotta take it one step at a time and don't let yourself fall under the assumption that a goodworkout doesn't need a good diet, or that cardio is the only thing that is needed for weightloss!
Keep with your goals and if you ever need advice feel free to pm me[/QUOTE]Well ducy i'd really like to get back down to my pre pregnancy dress size [Aus 8/US 6],but three pregnancies and four children [1 died at birth]and i really think it might be too hard.I've also recently begun menopause as well.If i can get back to an Aus 12 i'll be happy.It will mean i would have dropped two dress sizes.I'll just have to hope for someone who likes being with slightly heavier women lol.
Nice to see you back, sir.
Over the years, I've had two long term relationships with women who have only seen 100 lbs. when sopping wet. My preference is for petite women, not skinny, or scrawny--there is a difference. That said, my most satisfying relationships have been with women whose personalities are the most compatible with mine, regardless of being thin or thick. My belief is that you will be much happier and content with a woman whose mind captures your attention and intrigues you more than her packaging captivates you.
When you "eat" out of feeling its just a mtter of habit...not so much comfort anymore. I use to starve myself for days when id be upset. Or id lay in bed when I'm depressed. Then I decided to force myself to run when depressed r eat a handful of almonds (hard to keep eating when u get filled up super quick). Stud muffin does bring up a few good points. You don't need a strict diet or exercise routine. But u do need some discipline. Make it a goal to workout and do cardio 3 days a week...then work towards 4 then 5...as far as diet aim for a "cheat meal" every other day...then every 3rd day and so on until you got 1 cheat meal per week. Its a nice way to be satisfied with your sweet tooth without overdoing it.
A good diet is always better than a good workout...although proper rest and exercise can actually help make ur diet 10 times easier. (Endorphins make u feel awesome...feeling awesome doesn't make u upset so u tend to work more and more. Its a total snowball effect
Just think of how sexy you would feel if you could drop just one size. It's not the goal that's important it's the effort put forth. It's the fact that you did it....just say no to the crisps and candy...lol.
Btw gal. You can get back to pre child size. Its hard work and diet. (I'm a CPT and working on my degree in nutrition). Just gotta take it one step at a time and don't let yourself fall under the assumption that a goodworkout doesn't need a good diet, or that cardio is the only thing that is needed for weightloss!
Keep with your goals and if you ever need advice feel free to pm me
RG why don't you start working on a proper nutrition plan, exercise plan to meet your goals. It would be a good way to get rid of some stress and benefit your health besides losing a few dress sizes along the way. I don't believe in strict diets, a healthy life style with proper nutrition plan and exercise, I've been there and done that, it worked for me. Everyone is different so by adjusting your diet and exercise plan along the way, you can find out whats best for you and your goals. The right support team can help you make those adjustments. When you get it together, check it out with your doctor just to be safe.
Thank you Studmuffin i will.I already do walk alot,but i do tend to eat alot of crisps and candy when i get upset,which isn't good
Thanks ducy,i'll look into it.
Exercise doesn't have to in the gym to get results, more weight is lost in the kitchen than in the gym. I do the gym, it's my way to get ready to start another day. I set goals and push myself to the limit, but that is just me.....I have to agree with eek, it's the person and not the package that's important.
RG now you got it. Do what fits your lifestyle the best. I will help you with diet issues and any thing else you want to ask, just shoot me a pm.
I'm not disagreeing with you. I was just saying that there are effective ways of getting gym results without going to the gym just as I have been doing for a few years. I wasn't saying that the package was more important or anything. It's not crazy to be able to work out 4 - 5 times a week while having a busy schedule especially when most workouts only take only 20 minutes. That's why I have my own equipment in the first place.
And as far as the package vs. person is concerned, I guess I would be in the middle since I prefer balance over anything else. But that's just me.
4 or 5 days a week?!?!?! Are ya nuts??? What about the kids, the house, the bills, working for a living, the pets, the boy/girlfriends, the husband/wife, paying the taxes, getting the groceries, trundling people hither and yon???
3 days is sufficient esp if you Eat Less and Don't Snack.
My diet/exercise program is very simple and very effective: don't eat and f%^& like crazy.
Stress? What stress? Lots of cardio there too.
Find something physically active you enjoy doing, like sex, and then do it - a lot of it. Since its fun you won't mind and you'll stick with it. Sicnce you're having fun, you will also eat less. So there you are.
I'd love to do what you suggest EEK,but finding someone to roll around in the sack with is a slight problem at the moment.
I would certainly lose weight this way,as you say it is fun and pleasurable and helps reduce stress.
Lol EEK I have missed your incredible words of wisdom! I tend to forget that most people do have a lot more to do in life. I guess that's the benefits of youth. I got rent and such. But no family or girlfriend to worry about so I got time for the gym everyday. (Plus being a personal trainer means my job is the gym)
Sex is amazing though cardio. I had quite an ab workout last weekend. In fact I woke up this morning and couldn't sit. Any hip movement was impossible ;)
I do know plent of people who gym 5 days a week sex 6 days a week and take care of the family 7 days a week.
Your are what you eat, eat healthy. When I'm in the gym, I go at it 6 days a week. It's the way I start my day. There is a 10 hr day at work, keeping up with my grandkids, shopping for the wife, being a care giver for my parents, keeping up with their meds and so forth. Then, there is the wife, who likes to wear me out in bed as often as she can, and does on a regular basis. I still find time for a hobby. Besides, I eat 5 meals a day, about 2400 cal for now, When I'm in the gym it's 3400 cals a day, mom's not doing well so I'm not in the gym now. I guess the little wife likes the 176 lbs of muscle vs my former 248 lbs. It all in how you plan your day.
Exactly EEK,i'm not an exercise junkie.I walk and that's about it.I can change my diet,but really if people don't like me the way i am on the outside they can go jump as far as i'm concerned.I want to lose weight to improve my self esteem,not to impress any potential partners.I have a nice personality,i hope that's what attracts me to others,and not just my ample bosom.
Packaging can be changed, person usually cannot.
If he/she's a jerk, no amount of exercise or diet will improve them.
That's not what I meant. What I was trying to say is that there are ways a person can get a gym quality workout without ever going to the gym while living a full life.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;263508]4 or 5 days a week?!?!?! Are ya nuts??? What about the kids, the house, the bills, working for a living, the pets, the boy/girlfriends, the husband/wife, paying the taxes, getting the groceries, trundling people hither and yon???
3 days is sufficient esp if you Eat Less and Don't Snack.
My diet/exercise program is very simple and very effective: don't eat and f%^& like crazy.
Stress? What stress? Lots of cardio there too.
Find something physically active you enjoy doing, like sex, and then do it - a lot of it. Since its fun you won't mind and you'll stick with it. Sicnce you're having fun, you will also eat less. So there you are.[/QUOTE]
That's why some of us get home gyms and/or stick to body weight workouts instead so that we can workout when we want how we want while balancing all of that other stuff in our lives :D
I don't do calories. I don't go to the gym. My schedule is subject to change at the last mooment. There's always more to do than there is time in which to do it. You pick your battles and you take pleasure when, where and how you can get it.
Example: summer evening rush hour traffic jam on the Interstate - put the top down on the two-seater and crank up the music! Singalong if you want to. Tis okay no one will hear you since they're all in their closed boxes with the AC blasting away. Since the headlights are by Lucas, as long as I'm home before dark - I'm cool.
BTW as long as he's taller than me, heavier than me, my age, has a lively sense of humor, isn't malicious and at least as smart as I am - he's just fine, thank you. It's the person I care about, not the packaging.
We've all seen 'beautiful people' who leave us 'cold' and 'Quasimodo's' that fire us up. One can mentally prefer whatever but you always end up following the one who stirs your blood anyway so preferences are to be taken with a barrel of salt.
personaly I like the same basic body type for crush as love. But a very different body type for males and females attractions.
Chocolates are a girls best friend...ummm. We can adjust your diet and make simple adjustments that are easy to do. Yes, you may lose some of your bust because you will lose weight all over. Lets work on changing up to a healthy diet and work on not binge eating at first. I will pm you after work and answer any questions.....
Try drinking more water. Cut sodas and focus on having a tall glass of water before every meal as well. (Too much water with a meal dilutes stomach acid and causes upset stomach, indigestion etc.) Aim for approximmately a gallon a day (which is difficult for the first 2 days then becomes natural)
This is the easiest step to change your diet around. Most of the time when you are hungry (between meals and sometimes even during meal time) it is your bodies signal for thirst. You eat something and your natural response is to drink something with it. Personally I drink a gallon to 2 gallons a day depending on whether I am what my time at the gym looks like. This has drastically cut my hunger and even though I'm eating just a third of my original diet, I have enough energy to do anything. (Run a few miles then go to class then go party for an evening and be perfectly fine)
Thanks Studmuffin,i really do need to modify my diet.I do eat a lot of carbohydrates and fatty foods.I love red meat and potatoes,pasta,pizza ect.All the rich fattening foods that fill you up.And i binge eat when i'm depressed and upset.Icecream,crisps and chocolates.I'm thinking i need to eat less and try eating more salad,vegetable and lean meat such as chicken.Any ideas other than excessive exercise or a tummy tuck.If i lose weight will my breasts decrease in size,because they are my best assests besides my personality.I'm currently a 38D