So here’s my dilemma. We have been married over 20 years, and our sex life has always been healthy – twice a week; no more, no less. No marathon sessions, pretty much a one and done for both of us. Our children are 11 and 6 – through kids, busy schedules, etc. we’ve always made time for each other – not much – but enough.

Over the last 6 months that has gradually changed. My wife is now 42 (in the best shape of her life) and her libido has decreased somewhat. We’ve discussed and acknowledged that it’s peri-menopausal. I’ve admittedly had a difficult time of adjusting to the less frequency of sex (often times once a week, and still twice other times).

The big issue is that sex is not as pleasurable to her any more. She has a harder time reaching orgasm, is sensitive (not in a good way) and usually is sore afterwards. We know dryness is a peri-menopausal symptom. The other part of this issue is the inability to deal with it. She says that it’s common, and most women go through it, to which I agree….but there’s got to be some way to help. Its extremely frustrating that we’ve went from a pretty good sex life to this in about a year. We’ve talked, to no avail. She says that I couldn’t understand. But I want to and want to support her. I’ve thought that it’s me, not being attentive, etc….Here’s a list of items that we’ve tried or possible solutions that have not worked:

• Lubes – she doesn’t like KY, or the water based. She doesn’t like the feeling down there.
• Vibrators – never been into them. We’ve tried one or two over the years….says its to stimulating/not pleasurable.
• Toys – we’ve had mild success with dildos, but I don’t think that is her thing either. Only on a few occasions has she ever suggested using them….I usually initiate.
• Longer foreplay, back rubs, romantic settings. Usually when we get down to business, it’s late or time is limited. She’s more of “let’s get a move on” as opposed to stretching it out or “dawdling” as she likes to say.
• Porn – turned off by it.
• Kissing, petting, snuggling. She’s not into that either.

Now I know one thought may be – she’s just not into me anymore. I’ve even said that, but she vehemently denies that. She simply says there’s more than sex and it’s not the end of the world when desire starts to wane.

Some final points. Over the last year, she’s went back to work taking care of animals. She is a moderate drinker, very outgoing and friendly. Always been faithful. She says she is dedicated to me and our kids and that I’m making a bigger deal out of this than it really is. I see it as the chinks in the armour. I would never cheat on her. To compensate for the less sex she has given me handjobs whenever I request, the very occasional bj. She doesn’t masturbate and is pretty much a missionary girl. Again she was always able to orgasm….now it’s about 50% of the time (maybe a bit more) and it’s usually through oral sex……I’m telling her to see a doctor. She’s big on homeopathic remedies, I’ve told her to drink more water and eat more fish, flax seed, etc….it’s just not a priorty.

ok....so I put my original post back up. I know that I'm probably telling only my half of the story....there's three sides to every story, right?? I know that I'm far from perfect. And after reading some of these great forum posts, I do think that it's both of us. She acknowledges that she should see a doctor. Again, I can't make her...and don't want to be pushy. After 20+ years, I know when something is wrong though. I'm not totally clueless....Thanks.