She can't get me to cum.

[madmaximo]

I have been dating this girl for a few months now, and recently we decided to become sexually active. We haven't actually had sex yet, but we have been stimulating each other in different ways.

While it has been very easy for me to bring her to orgasm, for some reason she can't get me to do the same thing. The first time it happened it was kind of embarrassing.

Her handjob wasn't really doing it for me, and when she started performing oral sex on me, I could barely feel it.

The thing is, I have always masturbated a little differently than most guys (I use my right hand to rub my penis up against my left hand), and I am wondering if this is the cause of the problem.

I really want to learn how to cum with her. Do you have any advice on how we can make that happen?

[Brandye]

You have identified the most obvious issue and she is not as rough or abrasive as you are. BUT, it is not her problem!

[EvilEvilKitten]

The roughness of your masturbatory technique has dulled your sensitivity.
Stop masturbating altogether.

[Grim]

I had the same problem.

Like with most problems I read about here, I found that by talking about it with my GF and explaining how I would like it to be done, she managed to give me orgasms using only her hands and mouth.

Stop masturbating might help, I haven't tried it myself.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Women have trouble being as rough with a man as men have being with themselves. After all, when we hit your penis you tend to curl up on the floor in pain - so we rather expect you guys to cringe.

So......

stop being so rough and give the lady a chance

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about--like yours.

There are a couple of articles that discuss your situation, please read them. Your difficultly is not with your technique because each of us has a slightly different way. The problem has to do with communication and feedback and these are discussed in the articles. You also have to know where your particular hot spots are. Do you know? In addition to the frenulum, you probably have one or more distributed around the corona rim.

Try stroking like most of the rest of us, employ the hot spots when you become highly aroused, and if necessary use a lube in order to make yourself more sensitive. Explore and learn together in partnership.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

[Parstor]

Yep, I recommend you stop masterbating too. Or if you can't stop, just make it quick and get it done with so you aren't training yourself to be a marathoner.

Then, when you are together, take turns when it comes to getting you off. So she strokes you for a while, then you take a turn (and she will get the chance to see what you are doing), then your turn, then her turn and maybe add your hand to hers to really show her what is enough grip, what speed you want, etc.

Blowjobs are harder, but you both have to work at that. You have to learn to come from her mouth which provides a much different sensation to your hand, and she has to learn what you like, etc. Girls have the same problems too!

[RedRoses]

I didn't experience this particular problem. But I do know it takes a little learning. And you need to help each other find the way to go First time I held his penis, he held his hand around mine to let me feel how he'd like it to be gripped. And gave me verbal instructions on how to, helping me along the way. So maybe you could 'guide' her a little too? Also: I've watched him masturbating himself many times. Looking and learning

Don't know about stopping masturbating and the desensitizing (though it seems logical). Do know that if he hasn't masturbated in a while, it makes the job way more easy for me. So that would be a plus!

[EvilEvilKitten]

I'd also like to remind readers that it is NOT her job to make him orgasm.
We are each responsible for our own.
So, if something you're doing or not doing is keeping you from having orgasms - you might want to change that.

[Grim]

Each is responsible for his own orgasm, but is it that terrible to ask your partner for assistance?