Husband not good at giving orally

[supercalifrag]

I have had some awesome experiences with men going down on me. I absolutely love giving guys blowjobs. When I do I enjoy it at least as much, if not more than they do. I could just lay and touch, suck, fondle and lick it all night. I give my husband a blowjob at least 3 times a week. When we were first married he would go down on me all the time. It was never really enjoyable, but wasn't uncomfortable either. At one point I felt like it was ok to tell him things I would like to make it feel better. He got completely offended and seemed to never want to do it again. Over the last few years (married for 15) he has started to try it again, but only about twice a year! Sex is amazing, but I long for someone who knows what their doing. It has even gotten to where I fantasize about people who have done it great in the past.

So now when he does finally do it he still has the same issues. He gets too rough with toungue and fingers. He also seems to just go for goal of orgasim and nothing else matters. There is no soft kissing, sucking or licking. Just repetitive back and forth stimulation right on my clit. It hurts and I jerk but he doesn't get it. I've even just said gently several times. He thinks that means stay on the clit just softer. There was one time in our entire marriage (about 5 years ago) that he did an awesome job. He did everything perfectly. I moaned and squirmed sooooo much. I don't understand how he didn't figure it out and keep to that technique.

I've tried several things in addition to talking about it. My problem is now that he is doing it again once in a great while, if I tell him how to make it better he gets mad. He says why would he want to keep doing it if he always does it wrong. Shouldn't I be able to tell him how to make it better without him taking it that way? I would love for him to tell me ways to make his blowjob more enjoyable. I watch him and listen to him and take the hint.

Please give me suggestions on what to do. I really miss the feeling. When men talk about it, I get sooo wet and want them to show me. Is there a way I can say things without him taking it wrong. I honestly don't think I am saying it in a negative way. I specifically tell him I should be able to tell him how to make me feel better. It really hurts my feelings thinking he doesn't like me and my body. Even when he does do it, it doesn't seem like there is much enjoyment on his side. It's just a goal...but the goal should just be to pleasure me, not get me to organism. Although if he would figure that out orgasims would be a total part of him pleasuring me.

[dancingdoc2]

Dear Wife,

Please ask you husband to read this reply also.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people have. In addition, if you click on the site's Home page you will find even more information.

Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, it is what we do with and for each other in partnership. We give in order to receive, not take in order to get.

Your husband seems to have a fragile male ego that won't permit him to accept additional information or admit that he may not be as good as he would like to be or believes he is. For you, sir, have you ever heard the saying" "if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy?" Your wife is not happy. It is your job to wake up every morning and ask yourself what can I do to make her life better--then do it. In this regard she has written to us stating that she would like your romantic encounters to be better. Hint..hint. You should take this as a challenge and most certainly not a blow to your ego or manhood!

I ask that the two of you read all of the articles listed in the Index more than once and discuss what you have learned. Please pay particular attention to the articles that discuss the how-to of oral stimulation, and, what to do and how in order to help our partner climax. Communication and feedback are very important. This is discussed in one or more articles that the two of you should read and learn about. The lack of communication and feedback are at the core of your problem of knowing what to do and when in order for your husband to know what and when to do thus and such--and, vice versa.

Here is some relevant reading material:

The Program

Body Worship How-To by EEK
Your guide to wild rampant skin-on-skin full-body-contact sex.

I encourage each of you to use proper terms. Making love is not just Foreplay/orgasm or Foreplay/Intercourse. If you are not to this point yet, you are probably not doing Foreplay which is defined as breast and genital play and stimulation. Your activities are more likely Necking and Petting. When you have a problem and ask for help, please use whatever make out term is appropriate. Doing so will assist responders in zeroing in on what the problem might be. It provides a time line along a person's response curve, also.

Chapter Four:
MORE: From bungling student to graduating Lover Cum Laude

How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?

What to do when the Clitoris becomes too sensitive

Please read all of EEK's articles.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[wet_suit_one]

You did a very good job of telling us. Do as the wise Doc said and have your husband reply to this message as well.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Lord what on earth is he thinking?!?!
Was he Mario Andretti right out of driver's training? NO, of course not. It takes practice and experience and the police telling you what you did wrong and handing you little slips of paper saying "please pay us".

WELL DUH! SO DOES SEX.

The lady knows what works for her - LISTEN to her and you will get FABULOUS at cunnilingus and then you won't need any more coaching.

Jeez! Think it through, dude!

[Brandye]

Generally men are in too much of a hurry to get to the main act and ignore the little stuff that we women want. You have allowed him to get away with that for all these years and now retraining may be difficult. Some men do develop a real skill at cunnilingus; many never do. They do not read our reactions because, well, they are not women and do not recognize the signals. Long termers here know I believe women do a better job than men at this.

You have gotten good advice above but your husband sounds like, sorry, a jerk. A stereotypical man more interested in his ejaculating in you than making sex a partnership in mutual pleasure. After this length of time, I suspect he is not even aware of the signals emanating from him. There is something deeper to be dealt with and I recommend couples counselling.

[theus]

Supercalifrag,

I think a male prespective needs to be examined. I enjoy cunniligus and even crave it at times. Most of my friends feel the same way. However it is truly an aquired taste. If a man is unselfish enough to spend time drinking his womans delicious juices then he will enjoy giving oral. When your husband is pleasuring you try telling him what you like in a sexy voice. "Oh I love it when you lick me slow". If hes unselfish he will do exactly what you ask and get turned on doing so.
I haven't meet many woman who really paid attention to my body signals. On the otherhand I have always been well adapted at doing so. I have a hearing loss and I have developed the ability to read body language very well in most circumstances. Great lovers are always unselfish lovers. The moment is to be savored to the greatest extent possible for the given session. This is helpful is provideing a better sexual experience for a woman. However if a man is impatient he will not enjoy long sessions of foreplay. This could be due to his selfish desires or it could be due to his already hightened state or arousal. In either situation a man will rush to the act of penetration without sufficient attention toward his womans needs. It feels wonderful to be inside of a woman. In some situations it feels better than ejaculating. This is the another reason men to do not pay proper attention to the act of foreplay.
I think you and your husband should have better communication about your desires in the bedroom. If he is still inconsiderate by all means seek professional help. He may not even be aware that your unhappy.

[spotbeams]

Make a game out of it . Tell him it is your night to be in control. Watch a video on how to lick vagina. Take your time and show him where to lick you .Open yourself and show him what you want . Finger yourself while he watches and let him take over.

[dancingdoc2]

> Make a game out of it. Tell him it is your night to be in control. Watch a video on how to lick vagina. Take your time and show him where to lick you. Open yourself and show him what you want. Finger yourself while he watches and let him take over.

You are on the right path with your recommendation; however, what seems to be missing here and with some of the replies, above, are communication and feedback. Nobody is a mind reader, so, it takes both observing (as noted) as well as some hands-on practicing that includes some practical guidance. This has been discussed in depth in at least one article listed in the Index, as well as several times in the forums.

As nice as it would be, all too often the problems with pleasing each other are with communication; and, with men all too full of themselves. Unless and until men get that regardless of how much they know, the dynamics of making love are always in a state of flux. This means, that each of us has to be willing to learn and adapt and not be so arrogant as to presume that they know enough--or, know it all. Until we begin listening to and observing our partner's responses to the caresses we shower upon them, then nothing will change or improve. This is a major emphasis of why this venue exists.

Unfortunately, the guys who need this message will probably never see this discussion. If they do read this, many will be too egotistical to recognize the need for change and improvement.

Suggestions, anyone?