dont think she cares

[hdchris]

Hi ive been with my gf for over a year now she is 19 and i am 21 but for the past few months she just doesnt seem to care anymore the sex is great when we do it but the problem is that her way of turning me on is saying she wants sex and jumps into bed and i cannot stand it i feel like an object i have talked to her about and told her some things that i would like it hasnt changed anything and i was wondering if someone could help me to make her understand me because i am running out of ideas

[dancingdoc2]

I think I understand, Chris. It would help to use capitalization and punctuation instead of one long run-on sentence.

> her way of turning me on is saying she wants sex and jumps into bed and i cannot stand it i feel like an object

Wow, this is the direct opposite of what we usually read about. Generally, it is the woman complaining about her man doing this.

Is your girlfriend open minded and interested in new ideas to go along with what she already knows? If so, my suggestion is to approach her with the idea of wanting to learn more about romance and the how-to's of sex. You will find many helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles to read listed in the Index, found at the top of the main screen.

Wanting to jump between the sheets without much if any "warm up" is fine once in a while; however, women primarily, and men in general, do need to get their engines started, warmed up, and reved up, prior to having an orgasm or two. I'm wondering if she knows this and understands the necessity of spending half an hour or more fooling around and making out, all before getting to the foreplay stage--and beyond. If not, I believe it is time to inform her and suggest that the two of you read these articles, and, perhaps invest in the book "The Joy of Sex", found at many libraries and book stores. Explore and learn together!

Knowledge is empowering, and it may just be that she needs this information in order to make your love life better and more pleasurable for both of you.

> for the past few months she just doesnt seem to care anymore

What does she seem not to care about any more??

> i have talked to her about and told her some things that i would like it hasnt changed anything and i was wondering if someone could help me to make her understand me because i am running out of ideas

Being young and relatively inexperienced, I'm wondering what she knows about love, romance, sex, and how to integrate all of these? Being open and willing to learn more is critical to a developing relationship and is why I was asking, above.

One thing to try after reading the information in the various articles, whether you do this together or individually (then discussing what you have learned) is to pick a day, like a Friday (if you are getting together on Saturday) and:
* A. leave/mail her (to arrive the day before) a love note and in part telling her
you have something special in store for her when you next see her
* B. telephone her (no E-mail, no texting) sometime on Saturday (or whatever day)
just to say "Hi" and telling of your feeling for her and that you are really looking
forward to what you have planned, nothing else--no lengthy conversation.
Short, sweet, to the point.

The Plan:
Whatever you want to do for a nice date. Include dinner, and then when you return home, just:

* cuddle for a while, chat, and turn the TV off. Quiet soothing music is OK.
* later, begin making out with no expectations and no rushing to get beyond this.
Use the information about Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting, Foreplay as your guide
and plan on no less than half an hour for this stage.

* When things get hot use the information learned from EvilEvilKitten's information
on "The Program", and her other articles, in order to get your girlfriend warmed
up, anticipating what might be next, and excited physically and mentally about what
will happen next.

* You set the pace and do not allow her to rush you or attempt to speed
up the make out session.

Do you think that one reason she is in a hurry is because the way you go about making love to her is not satisfying? Think about that before answering. If it is, then she needs to see a definite change and these steps are one way to do this.

All too often nowadays guys, especially, operate under the misguided misconception that the best and quickest way to an orgasm is from lots and lots of stroking and thrusting with little time devoted to making out. Wrong. This is the purpose for all the making out, beforehand!

If she is not becoming sufficiently aroused, it may be why she is in a big rush to get going and also getting it over with. Women require a lot of kissing and caressing and "sweet nothings" whispered in order to get turned on. Guys benefit from this, even though it is not a prerequisite.

Ideally, intercourse should not begin until the woman invites a man to continue. This may not happen until she learns about this part of sex etiquette. Regardless, intercourse should not begin until both of you are on the brink of a climax, yet can control them while shifting around and getting into position. Whether you want intercourse to last hours, or just a short time, ideally it should not last longer than about ten minutes. Longer than this, many women report becoming sore, bored, and, tired. So take breaks if you want a lengthy session and return to making out in between.

All relationships require good communication and also feedback. It is one thing to state what you need; it is also important to discuss matters and ask each other for information and perspectives. Work on this as your relationship with her or in the future with someone else continues.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope this is of help and that you enjoy participating. Please begin, as above, by reading the articles listed in the Index, the FAQs, and, the Posting Guidelines. By clicking on the site's Home page you will find even more information.

Explore and learn together in partnership. Understand that making love is not just sex, it includes romance on a daily basis. It is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other that is important.

Got questions?
-doc

[EvilEvilKitten]

Time for you to 'flex your muscles', buddy! You're not a lapdog, you're a man. Stop talking and be "trouble" instead.

The next time she leaps into bed, TEASE HER BACK. Tell her she's going to have to work harder than that because you're "not that type of guy".

PLAY WITH THIS

Tell her to say please and dance your bits just beyond her reach.
Poke the tigress with a stick until she's jumping you.

HER "I want sex."
HIM "Well, you're not going to get any."
HER "Why not?"
HIM "Because it is that time of the month, that's why."
Make her laugh.

Put some fun, some life, some personality, into your sex and you'll stop having this "object feeling"

[Sekcboi85]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

HER "I want sex."
HIM "Well, you're not going to get any."
HER "Why not?"
HIM "Because it is that time of the month, that's why."
Make her laugh.[/B]

That is just awesome. I am totally gonna use that one day

Interesting to see this problem from a man though. I am kinda envious. I wouldn't mind if the girls I dated were like that sometimes.

[hdchris]

Hello again first thing i wanna say is sorry about my typing i am from quebec so typing in english i really dont know how properly ( french screwed me up ) and second i wanted to thank you both for taking the time to answer me and try to help i really appreciate it and i will try both ideas. and to all you guys who say they would like to have girls that do like my gf well the first few times are fun but after a while it really gets to you and once again thx a lot for the tips

[mikkiji]

For the guys who think that's the ideal girl, NOT! My late wife became that kind of, "Wham-bam, thank you man" kinda woman some 15 years into our marriage, and, yes--AT FIRST it seemed great, but after a while of her demanding, "Just put it in me, NOW!" I also began to feel objectified. It was I who was trying to make foreplay last longer while she always wanted to "stop wasting time and get to the main event." This became a significant issue on our marriage for quite a few years, and I missed the play of foreplay and sex more and more as the years went by. If our foreplay went on more than 10 minutes, she'd get bored--and after 10 minutes, she'd often already have had several climaxes, so it wasn't that at all. I never did quite figure out what it was about--kids, career, daily responsibilities--she was a driven perfectionist and I think the intimacy of our play seemed less and less practical to her after so long together. After we both went thru some major life-changes (her cancer and my heart attack), she finally slowed down and regained some if her patience and desire for intimacy. This "sex" stuff is not at all practical, it's the way adults have the most fun they can have. I think she'd lost the concept of having sex for having fun, of being nekkid in bed together to tease first and please after much laughter and kissing and sweetness--in fact, during those years, we'd stopped kissing almost altogether. That type of woman has become too goal-driven, and forgotten that the journey is more the point, not so much the goal...
Michael

[EvilEvilKitten]

Come on, guys! This fear of emotional storms is not becoming. Your needs and desire are just as valid as hers! Speak up!

[hdchris]

sekcboi sometimes would be great but all the time is not especialy for me got a full time job+i am just starting up my own business so me and my gf dont have a whole lot of time to spend together and when we do i would love for us to just make out and play with each other so slowly because i feel so close to her and feel loved and even if it would just be once a week i would rather that then sex 7 times a week but how it is now. It gives me a chance to just focus on ALL of her and its the best because she is such a great girl and she deserves the best but the way it is now its not easy to give her the best