i just cant do it

[oxfordfox]

I have been reading these forums for quite a while and have only joined now as I am in need of some advice and I know that I will get the best here.

My problem is oral sex and letting my bf of 3 years come on me. The thing is that my bf has told me that it is one of his fantasies to come all over me after I give him oral sex as this is what he sees in the porn he watches and now would like to try.

And before I get too far into this I have made it perfectly clear to my bf that I hate giving oral and the thought of him cumming on me. I dont know what it is I it just makes me feel degraded and turns me off so much I would rather have no sex than to have great sex knowing that I have to do it.

But my point is that even though my bf knows I hate the act of oral sex he still pressures me to do it for him and knowing that the relationship is not just about me I have done it a few times for him but after each time he see's how upset and disgusted I am at myself he promises he will not ask for it again but he always does and its gotten to the point where after doing it i just curl up and roll to the other side of the bed while he kinda basks and goes to sleep not caring about the fact I have just done that for him even though he knows how it makes me feel like a whore.

The thing is I am willing to try new things and have tried to stop myself hating oral by using lubes doing different positions and by doing it in different places but I still feel the same about it and I just wish my bf would understand I have tried and not just say things like "Well that's what a loving gf would do if her bf asked her to" or " why are you being so stupid about it i give you pleasure dont I why cant you do this one thing for me"

Sorry I'm dragging on a bit but I just wanted to know is there anybody else out there who hates oral and the thought of their partner cumming on them? or is it just me being more of a prude than I thought and should I just get used to this?

any replies would be great.

also this way not meant to offend anybody that does like oral or their partner cumming on them I know people like a lot of different stuff and should do what makes them feel good. Its just not for me .

[2little]

oxfordfox

i understand where your coming from, i was there. I am 24 now and married, i started to get turned on during the act simply because i knew he was enjoying it. The fact of feeling degraded, it is not being degraded. it's just a stupid thing porn videos and put out there. Chances are he only wants to do it because he thinks there is a thrill. My husband dosent like doing it on me, but once in a while i make him because i like to feel dirty and sexy.

see this is just my opionion. but give it a try, if it is as bad as you thought explain that to him. but you need to keep a open mind while doing it because if you don't you wont enjoy it.

[Pic]

This sounds like this is very deep for you, Oxfordfox.... almost so deep that it might seem like you should find (said humbly)someone who doesn't need Oral sex or just doesn't like it. Because it seems like as much as you don't like Oral sex he likes Oral sex and cumming on you. Now I'm sure you guys have more positive attributes to this relationship because its lasted for 3 years. Maybe there is some kind of Bargaining and compromise that can be done here. How about if you do Oral sex he has too hold you and reemphasize how much of a beautiful woman you are inside and outside when its done. But a compromise like this could help...


How old are you if I may ask?

I'm taking a risky stances here for you, but worst case scenario as long as you are in a relationship with "your bf of 3yrs" Oral sex will end up being something you do and as for the cumming on you... well.... its gonna be done sometimes too....

Relationships are about compromise and also letting someone be who the are... you guys have a problem, but like I said, its nothing a good compromise can't handle.

[Cool]

You should try and look at oral sex as a power postion. You can go as fast or slow as you want. Also, if you don't already do this, use your hand(s) then when he is about to cum point his d!ck on him and if he freaks out use it against him and say "now why would i what you cummin on me!" and if he doesn't freak, will then try it. But think about this before you do this. What are some of his other fantasies? Are you willing to try those?

Also, what is a fantasy of yours?

[lnt1103]

Pic, you make a good point about the general concept of compromise in a relationship. Having said that, however....

Look at the pain this girl is in over giving him oral. With something as emotional as this is for her, I'm not sure I think a compromise can, or should, be reached. No one should be forced or cajoled into doing something that makes them feel the way giving oral so obviously makes her feel.

Yes, relationships are about compromise. But sex is about pleasure and bonding. If a person enjoys feeling dominated, dirty or demeaned, more power to them!! But no one should have to perform an act that makes them want to curl up into a ball and sob because they feel like such an inferior human being. That's cruel.

Oxford: PLEASE don't interpret the previous paragraph as anything negative directed at you....that's utterly NOT what I mean, and I don't believe it to be true. It just sounds to me like it's how you feel afterward.

[Pic]

Int1103 your about how deep this is for Oxfordfox, however, I think the compromise can and should extend into sex. Yet as I think about this Oxfordfox uses some strong words to express her feelings, its also why I humbly suggested that it might good to find a guys who doesn' t like or care about Oral sex. I believe that there are guys out there who don't care for it much.

but "Cool" I'm with you, Oxfordfox what are you fantasies about sex?

[lnt1103]

Yes, compromise should, and does, extend into sex. I just don't think there's any place for it when the two people involved are this far separated on the spectrum. He's asking her to put his desire above her own self-worth. That's not acceptable.

He does get a quarter of a brownie point for caring, at least at first, about how it made her feel. But he lost that and then some when he apparently stopped giving a damn. If he ever HONESTLY gave a damn to begin with, instead of pretending like he did to get her to keep doing it, which is entirely possible.

[dancingdoc2]

As long as a person is clean and healthy, there is nothing terrible, wrong, or, degrading, about touching each other's genitals. There is nothing wrong with tasting a mans precum, or, semen--or having it land somewhere on the skin or in the mouth.

Urine in a healthy person is drinkable and has been known to keep people alive on deserted islands or in the desert. Therefore, the urethra is not unclean. So, if you have a hangup about this part of a man's body being dirty then in normal circumstances this just isn't true.

Many women let their man climax inside their mouth prior to spitting it out, sometimes swallow, and/or let him ejaculate somewhere on her skin. All this is fine if she is fine with it. That you are not is OK. I'm just asking you to make an informed decision knowing all the facts before making your decision final. Semen has a couple of calories and some protein so it is not harmful even if it does have an acquired taste. That said, so too does a woman's vaginal mucus for many men.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[lnt1103]

Originally Posted by oxfordfox

say things like "...what a loving gf would do..." or " why are you being so stupid about it..."

His saying these things just plain isn't acceptable. Period.

Originally Posted by oxfordfox

I dont know what it is I it just makes me feel degraded...

...how upset and disgusted I am at myself...

...it makes me feel like a whore

But he has shown by his actions and his words that he quite obviously doesn't give a rat's rosy red one. The bottom line here is, she's got some issue about doing oral for him. And, given the voice of the original post, I highly doubt a 180 on that will come anytime remotely soon. We all know that when it comes to sex, everyone has something they love, and everyone has something they hate. Why in God's name should a person have to endure being treated the way he's treating her over it??? It does NOT make someone a lesser person.

In the beginning it took me a while to get my brain around the concept of putting a man's penis in my mouth. And guess what, that's okay. And guess what else, it's also okay if a person never does get their brain around it.

In the interest of full disclosure, and for the sake of sharing a giver's perspective, I do oral for T on a regular basis. He absolutely loves it, and I absolutely love doing it for him. Honestly, it's empowering for me, and I don't mean in terms of domination. I get a sense of pride from my ability to elicit those reactions from him. Sometimes it almost slips out of my mouth from the grin that spreads across my face. It's almost a 'Hell yeah, look what I can do! Putty in my hands!' kind of thing. Maybe that's dorky but that's okay. I'm proudly the biggest dork I know. It's part of my charm

[LustyLisa]

I understand perfectly where oxfordfox is comming from. I also give her Kudos for attempting to meet her partners desires. My own feelings are pretty similar. However, my partner of 20+yrs hasn't been demanding, disrespectful and selfish. I have come to enjoy pleasing him orally, to a point, during foreplay as well as other times when I can't participate in intercourse but it never goes into my mouth or anywhere on my body. It's a so-so alternative when we want to be intimate. If I HAD to perform acts and to the degree that was outside of my boundaries it would be a problem. Luckily for me, my partner is ok with it.
Now, this may be a deal breaker for oxfordfox's partner. This may be something that he enjoys and wants in his long term, intimate relationship. Everyone has a right to enjoy their sexual side and establish the rules of play that each finds to most pleasureable and satifying. If that's the case then oxfordfox has a big discision to make.