a little light bondage...?

[brmesm]

Ok gentlemen (and ladies too for that matter), I would like your opinion.

I have been having sex with this guy (I'll call him K) on and off for about 9 months now. We are not "dating" in the traditional sense, but I do consider him more than a booty call. Occasionally we'll go out for a drink and a bite to eat, but really, the objective has always been to end up in my bed.

Sex with him has always been fun, but the last few times we've been together the sex has gotten a little more intense, a little more intimate. I think in the spirit of keeping things light between us, there are things we just haven't done - namely, oral. I know that for many men this is, um, important, but I've always had some difficulty with it. I have to really, really, trust the guy I'm with. And I've always had just a little bit of a hang up with it...so, it hasn't really bothered me that K and I didn't go there.

Well, things changed this last weekend. There seem to be some walls that are coming down between us...very fun night and he stayed the following day into the evening - which he has never done.

Now, I've always had fantasies about being tied up - just light stuff, nothing painful...not hanging from the ceiling or anything...I played with this a little bit with an old boyfriend years ago, but nothing since. I believe I'm ready to introduce this idea to him - but I have to admit, I'm a little nervous.

I have an idea that involves me tying him up first, and well, having my way with him. I know a lot of people would suggest just talking to him first - but we've never had very personal conversations, like I said, we keep it light. Honestly, I just want to do it, I like the idea of surprising him - but I don't want to be super over the top or have it fall flat.

Thoughts?

...sorry for the long post...

[dlb]

Bring it up while during the drink and bite to eat phase of one of your rendezvous.

[mikkiji]

Most guys welcome and enjoy new sexual ideas and techniques when they are brought up by their partner. Sometime after our first child was born, my wife took a few scarves out of her night table one evening and asked me to tie her up! I wasn't exactly shocked, but I was surprised. And pleased. That's very likely the reaction you will get--surprised and then pleased. Don't try this if you do not trust the guy, as this fantasy of yours may mirror a fantasy of his which could be rougher than you'd find comfortable. You should lay down some rules, such as a "safe" word or phrase which you would say that allows the bondage to stop instantly, no kidding and no teasing--this is really important. Other than that, see what happens and have fun!
Michael

[EvilEvilKitten]

wickedwomangroup is the site that will answer all of your questions, please go there. There really is no need for equipment, fancy clothes, or anything else - all you need is 'attitude'. Yes, it really is just that easy. Just tell him to hold still (if he moves stop doing anything) and then do whatever you wish. Men are amazingly compliant persons.

[brmesm]

Thanks Michael - I had been so focused on my fantasies that I hadn't thought of what he might have in mind! But yes, this is someone that I trust - more so lately, which is why I'm willing to experiment with him more.

And thanks evilevilkitten for the site - you make it sound incredibly easy and it makes me feel like I'm over thinking the whole thing!

[EvilEvilKitten]

That's because you are over-thinking this. Think about your previous exposure in pornography and literature..it is always this over-blown fantasy with whips, chains, dungeons and it is all so 'dramatic' and lasts for hours! Just makes a person tired to contemplate having to do all of that. You don't have to do all of that.

Just think of yourself as Tigress and this man as your 'prey'.

[dlb]

Whips, chains, dungeons---oh my! A lot of fun actually, but it takes more initiative and plenty of imagination after one gets over the initial thrill of the novelty. More advanced rope bondage and whips actually take a lot of work to be good at.

Tying to a piece of furniture or on the floor works great for people who want sex with restraints once in a while. Just avoid tight ties and always have safety shears where they can be used in a matter of seconds. While some bondage instructors would argue against this I think that for relative newbies it's not even necessary to actually tie if what you are after is the look and feel of the binding, just a few loops and cross under the loops once with the loose end. Many people find that they develop a quasi-fetishistic reaction to the rope or whatever is used for binding.

Play out your fantasies. If you know the guy well enough that you feel you trust him, especially if he is to bind you you should go ahead and do it. You already know you like it. I think most men have bondage and discipline fantasies, but are afraid to make them known to their female partners.

[EvilEvilKitten]

My point exactly, dlb. When the fun turns into "work"...then it is time to stop and re-think one's options. This is precisely why I do NOT do all of that whips, macrame', and whatever ... too much like work.


Besides which all that whipping is hard on the wrist.


True, omost men have fantasies but are too timid to ask since they feel they will become "less of a man". Pure rot, of course but there it is.

[dlb]

EvilEvilKitten I don't mean it's work in the ditch digging sense. It is still fun "work" just like anything else about learning to be a good and resourceful lover. I was raised by wild aggressive women so fortunately I have never been intimidated or inhibited about asking or suggesting or even accepting suggestions

I'll be doing a whipping demo in October. You come on down and I'll show you how to avoid that wrist fatigue

[brmesm]

Evilevilkitten you are totally cracking me up - "whips, macrame', and whatever". I really did laugh out loud when I read your reply. I appreciate the simplicity - and humor - of your perspective.

And dlb, thanks for the advice about the shears - excellent (and safe) idea.