Taking the lead.

[givemeahand]

Hey everyone I am new to the site but I am loving how open everyone.

I was wondering if anyone can give me advice on how to be more dominate in bed? where do I start what do I do??

Thanks in advance.


xxx

[arutha]

This thread means that you aren't naturally dominant. People tend to be naturally dominant, or naturally submissive. If you are naturally submissive, it is hard but possible to turn it aroundl. The hardest part is breaking through the first barrier. There is no way at all to make it easy for yourself, you need to step out of your comfort zone. All I can say is just go for it. Rather than holding back, be a bit more aggressive, take the first move. If it helps, tell him/her that you are going to be dominant before starting so they know to hold back and encourage you. It will be uncomfortable to start with, but after the first couple of times you will realise it isn't as scary as it seems and it will come easier to you. Good luck.

[EvilEvilKitten]

wickedwomangroup

all a beginner needs to know (reverse the genders if you are male)

[lnt1103]

The only other thing I would add is that, if you don't typically take the lead, your getting assertive will very likely be a big turn on for your partner. Take some encouragement from that.

[dancingdoc2]

Are you uncertain about or afraid of how you will come across by your partner if you do take charge? If so, history has shown that when a woman initiates a romantic encounter, men get a big thrill out of it and this is a turn on for us.

I believe the operative term is "take charge", rather than being "dominant". In the beginning and until you have some success and acquire some comfort with your actions, begin by just starting to kiss, hug, and snuggle. Be the one to use your "romin'" hands and "rushin'" fingers. Beat your partner to the punch so to speak.

If you are a woman, go change into a fancy neglige, then quietly walk up to a door and strike a provocative pose. Once you have your partner's attention, take it from there. Go sit beside him/her, or invite them into the bedroom and then give instructions on where you want them to sit or lie. From here on, just let your imagination run and do what seems appropriate.

[givemeahand]

Hey everyone thank you all for taking the time to reply. I am up for most things I will always try anything once and don't shy away. I think I lack confidence to just take the first step and don't want to feel stupid.

Claire

[Pic]

Definitely don't worry about feeling stupid, come into the whole experience with humor and laugh at yourself when you make an obvious mistake or mess up it will lighten the mood, remember your in charge so your partner will laugh if you laugh. But we all feel stupid sometimes LOL

[dancingdoc2]

My ususal response is that romance and sex is serious business yet a person should not take it so seriously that you can't have fun and enjoy it.

In my dance classes I tell students to get out and go to a dance, not so much to "dance" but to "practice". The reason being that if a guy who is nervous and unsure about his abilities has to "dance", he is most likely to sit in his chair all night because he knows he has to "perform" and to be perfect which is impossible, so rather than get up and possibly make a fool of himself in his eyes, he would rather not do anything. If he and his partner go to a dance to practice, the mindset is that he can possibly make mistakes, yet because he and she are practicing, it is OK, and he can laugh them off and continue on becoming better and more confident in the process. Same here with this part of life and love.

As for being dominant, think of this as being an actress in a play or show. These actors and actresses take on rolls of the characters they protray. So, with this in mind, act your way along as if you are in a play. Give this a try and I think you'll find your acting as someone else and unrelated to you will relieve your angst and permit you do do things you as an individual might not feel comfortable doing.

[givemeahand]

You are all amazing and open. I am soo glad I found this site.

I will defo try out what you have all advised me. I just need to find the right actress to play and i'll be fine lol. xxxxx

[EvilEvilKitten]

Stop with the actress stuff - there really is no need to pretend to be other than who you are. Please - just read the site I referred you to, relax and spend some time exploring your partner. You have only to accept that your sexuality is good and then to embrace it and rejoice in it - for it truly is a gift.