I'd give a pretty crap blow job, thats fer shure..

[SadisticEuphoria]

Not another blow job thread, surely....Well, yes. & I've read the forums alot, read through the site, read other forums. I know the theory, but I'm crap...

I've watched alot of porn, read alot of things about blow jobs & know the theory behind them. BUT, I kind of 'practiced' on a serum bottle....lulz (& they're not that wide) & I realised I would be TERRIBLE!
I could feel my teeth on the bottle every so often, even though I tried to keep them covered. At first I couldn't even fit in my mouth properly. I can't move my tongue around the tip of it either.
I need some tips on this, badly. Now Im extremely self conscious as I thought i'd do pretty decent, knowing all the theory behind it, but that proved me completely wrong! Practice always makes perfect of course.

ALSO, I read somewhere that when the cum shoots out you have to position the penis to prevent it shooting to the back of the throat & causing the gag reflex. True? Or not? Tips on what to do?

[dancingdoc2]

Hello,

Have you read this article?

How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?

If not, it will provide some much needed information.

The title of your post suggests that you have never stimulated a guy orally. This being the case, do not be so self critical. Each person is different and with different reactions to what is being done in the moment. Sex is not accomplished "by the numbers", it is dynamic and fluid. Each time is different; always changing.

> I kind of 'practiced' on a serum bottle....lulz (& they're not that wide) & I realised I would be TERRIBLE!

Not necessarily. Substitute your thumb for the bottle and try, again. Similarly, exchange the bottle for a small English cucumber or large (dia.) carrot stick.

> I could feel my teeth on the bottle every so often, even though I tried to keep them covered. At first I couldn't even fit in my mouth properly. I can't move my tongue around the tip of it either.

Relax your jaw and let the penis substitute slip between your lips. If you open your mouth/jaw widely you will fatigue quickly.

It is not necessary to insert a penis more than an inch or so--unless, of course, you want to.

Your tongue need only caress the tip of the Glans or rub around the rest of it back to the Corona Rim. As for the shaft, you can lick it separately and longitudinally.

> I need some tips on this, badly. Now Im extremely self conscious as I thought i'd do pretty decent, knowing all the theory behind it, but that proved me completely wrong!

How has this been proven wrong? Try, again, practicing with one of the other objects. Also, there is no substitute for a live body who can provide feedback on how he is responding to your caresses and for what he needs now/next. You seem to be worrying a lot over something that can be worked on with a partner when the time comes.

> I read somewhere that when the cum shoots out you have to position the penis to prevent it shooting to the back of the throat & causing the gag reflex. True? Or not? Tips on what to do?

First and foremost--
* It is a woman's perogative whether or not to let her partner ejaculate inside her mouth. Whatever your decission, he must abide by it.
Some women do not want her partner to ejaculate anywhere except on her skin. Other women will let a man ejaculate in her mouth, yet not swallow. Others will swallow. To each her own.

Because the head of the penis need only go inside an inch or so, the easiest method for preventing the gagging is to either elevate the top center of your tongue touching the roof of the mouth; or, elevate the tip of the tongue, letting the semen spurt against the underside of the tongue. Simple. Easy. Brandye has given this method much discussion. She recommends placing a finger along the underside of the shaft over the urethra. You can then have advanced warning for when to raise your tongue by feeling the fluid moving along.

Forget about trying to correctly orient his penis inside your mouth. With all the stroking and liking and other movements happening, I rather doubt you could maintain any one angle; moreover, it wouldn't work, anyway, even if the urethra was pointed toward your cheek, considering the force with which the semen is expelled.

Lastly, making love is not what we do to each other, it is what we do with and for each other in partnership. A couple should explore and learn together and give each other feedback (verbally and/or non-verbally) for how you are responding to each other's caresses and for what you need now/next.

My recommendation is to take all the information you have acquired and stuff it away until you have someone to practice on, then perfect techniques together. Speaking of information, have you read any of the articles listed in the Index?

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Bottles?!?! WTF??

Popsicles, drinking through straws, and bananas are the correct training aids - if you can't get a male to hold still long enough.

You don't have to cover your teeth, just don't use them - hence why sucking on a popsicle is the best practice.

[Brandye]

"Theory of the Blowjob." Sounds like a sophomore course. There is no theory! The mouth has similar mucuous membrane to the vagina and there are additional aids to stimulation. The tongue is available; we have greater control of those lips than of the other lips; teeth MAY be used; suction is available; no pregnancy issues. Mostly, it gives the man, who has boringly all-the-same orgasms, stimulation that is different from his hand, your hand or your vagina. No theory, just psycho-motor skills. It is also fun to do.

All women get a great shock the first time. The taste and the consistency are not pleasant (neither was your first beer). Mostly, as you read, that first big shot of ejaculate is aimed right at your gag reflex. My first time was next to an accident and I gagged, hacked, coughed and generally made a fool of myself.

Focusing on threats to you, protect your gag reflex. Place your thumb lightly at the base of his penis in front of the scrotum. At that spot (practice giving a handjob), you can feel the start of the ejaculation. AS SOON AS you feel the pumping, press the back of your tongue against your hard palate. This covers the gag reflex and will protect it from that first, and hardest, spurt. Expect it to taste salty, bitter and be slimy. The smell is like a weak bleach solution. No technique to be learned; be warned.

You may want to practice with a dry (unlubricated) condom. Or, you may wish to bring him to the edge and when you feel it coming, let it spill it outside your mouth or into a towel. Take EEK's advice on practice.

[dlb]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

You don't have to cover your teeth, just don't use them - hence why sucking on a popsicle is the best practice.

Now that is an interesting approach!

There is a lot that can be done with just the tongue and lips in the shaft, scrotum, thighs, perineum and glans without even inserting the penis into your mouth. The important thing is to get the guy so excited that orgasm is inevitable. That is when need to have his penis inside your mouth. So, practice getting it in without scraping. Most men prefer to ejaculate inside their partner's mouth. Watching porn will mislead you into believing than most men would rather masturbate and then ejaculate on your face or body. My BJ girls all say that if they take semen as far into the mouth as possible it is easier to deal with by swallowing it. Some will recommend you use a condom to avoid HIV. From a safety and health point of view I agree, but I don't know if I would enjoy fellatio with a condom.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Semen? Oh hell, I gargle the stuff LOL - Why let all that protein, of course it is salty - duh!, go to waste! Feed off the male for a change! Just tell him to lie down and give it up like a man. If he protests, growl at him while his penis is in your mouth - he will stop protesting. I guarantee it. *Evill Grin*

Licking, sucking, moving it in and out - a single popsicle is your best "training tool". And it does taste good too!

Doing so in front of men is also a great way to tease and torment men.