Virgin Head. (Help)

[shannonader]

Alright. I'm currently dating a virgin. I am 24, he is 23. I've known him for years, and I am, in fact, his first girlfriend. We have talked about sex, etc., and though the topic flows easily, he's a little shy about it.
About 2 weeks ago, we were getting pretty close, and I started to give him head. I worked on him, for a good 45 minutes, with no finish. I have never had a problem with fellatio; in fact, I've been told I'm rather good at it.
Has this ever happened to anyone out there? Is there such a thing as ejaculation-stage fright? I know the guy watches porn, as do I.

Help
Shan

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums, I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful and how-to articles.

Please read the following:

How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?

The fella is new to all this so, yes, you could say he has stage fright, although we generally term it Performance Anxiety. He is no doubt worrying about all sorts of things real and imagined and these will often prevent a guy from performing.

Second to this is in learning how to stimulate a penis. You can get a guy to ejaculate by the sheer power of arousal, although, in this situation, he was probably over stimulated, beyond what is required (by him) to trigger an orgasm. Better to use your hand in conjunction with your lips/mouth, and when he has some confidence, get him to show you how to stroke his penis in order to mimic what he does. A b/j in conjunction w/a h/j will pretty much guarantee a climax.

Third, is in giving each other feedback (verbal and/or non-verbal) on how each of you is responding to the other's caresses and for what you need now/next.

After reading the article, please do not hesitate to ask questions.

[maxrep]

45 minutes? Good girl!
I've talked to a friend about blowjobs who've said they don't get off that way. Something about the sensation isn't there or whatever and they didn't like it. Imagine that! A dude that doesn't like head! Go to the oral sex positions site in here and let him try the fuck face on you. Maybe he needs the motion of thrusting his cock in and out of your mouth to help him get over the hump and remember......the tongue work wonders on the penis! I'd tell you to use your hand like doc up there^ but I don't like that myself. Just stay on it and suck I say. An expert cocksucker doesn't need to resort to other means beside the mouth unless of course the receiver wants that kinda thing.
Keep up the good work!

[dancingdoc2]

> the tongue work wonders on the penis!

This is the truth, almost the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

> I'd tell you to use your hand like doc up there^ but I don't like that myself.

"Giving him a helping hand"--maybe not so much, yet as I explained in the how-to article on all this, the "dynamic duo" of a h/j & b/j in combination is indeed awesome to a guy--like it or not.

> Just stay on it and suck I say.

...as well as licking the Frenulum. Doing this is almost a sure way to trigger an orgasm!

> An expert cocksucker doesn't need to resort to other means beside the mouth unless of course the receiver wants that kinda thing.

No and Yes. Doesn't need to; perhaps. Should use other means; most definitely, if for no other reason that adding variety to the spice.

> Keep up the good work!

Ditto

[dlb]

Originally Posted by shannonader

I started to give him head. I worked on him, for a good 45 minutes, with no finish. I have never had a problem with fellatio; in fact, I've been told I'm rather good at it.
Has this ever happened to anyone out there? Is there such a thing as ejaculation-stage fright? I know the guy watches porn, as do I.

Ejaculation stage fright! I think you just coined a new term. That could be it. On the one hand I would expect a 23 year old virgin to reach orgasm rather quickly, but on the other hand there might be some psychological aspect involved here as you suggest. If he doesn't come from fellatio in less than 45 minutes something is wrong.

He might be a 23 year old virgin because he has some deep seated guilt complex related to sex. This is often listed as a reason for orgasmic dysfunction in women. Perhaps it occurs in men also.

Another point to consider is this: although some man or even several might have told you that you were really good at fellatio that only means that the way you give a BJ is really good for them. While almost all men love to have their penes sucked and licked the same techniques do not have the same effects on every man. From what I have read, here and elsewhere, for many men the most sensitive part of the penis is the glans (head), but in my case I find direct oral stimulation of the glans to be more annoying than arousing. I require stimulation of the shaft. The same goes for cunnilingus. Some women need lots of direct and aggressive stimulation of the clitoris while others can't stand that. Whether performing cunnilingus or fellatio a considerate and expert lover will master a variety of techniques and be able to adapt to a new partner's specific needs.

My best friend in college and I ended up dating two of the same women over a period of a couple of years. The one that to this day gave me the best BJs I ever had was to my friend a very incompetent fellatrix. The one who my friend thought gave great head and who was a world class sexthlete at everything else used to give me a soft off every time she got her mouth near my penis. See what I am saying?

What you need, I think, is communication with your boyfriend. I am quite surprised that you are a woman and you say you watch porn. Porn flicks, especially mainstream pornography, tend to give a distorted and unreal view of what sex is and can be.

There are already several posts on this forum about how to give a BJ. I suggest you read them all. Think about what you are already doing with your boyfriend and consider his reaction to anything you might have done. Also note any ideas that you might not have tried and give them a try.
You mileage may vary

Remember there is nothing like good honest, open, two-way communication with your lover.

For what it's worth here are some technique tips.

1) Before you start Don't engage in oral sex with anyone unless you are certain that person is free from STDs! and do not gauge success or failure on whether he ejaculates or not.
2) Give him oral sex in a place and time where and when you can both relax and be free of distractions. TVs should be off, phones should be silenced-one of the reasons we have answering machines/service is so we can have sex. Music is fine especially if it is music that he considers sexy.
3) Have him sit in a big comfortable chair or the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor. He can also lie back on the bed with feet on the floor, but it is harder for him to view the sex bomb making love to him with her mouth that way.
4) Kneel or sit on the floor between his legs. You may change positions to suit your own comfort. You will probably want a nice cushion or pillow.
If he is still dressed remove his pants (shoes come off first!) while talking to him in your best sex kitten voice about how much he turns you on and how much you want to eat him and all the other sexy, romantic, filthy, delicious things that you can think of.
5) If you have long hair wear it loose, not tied back or pinned up-unless he specifies otherwise.
6) Admire and worship his penis. Tell him how beautiful and sex y it is. Don't call it penis. Use one of the dirty names for it, heck use all the dirty names and make up a few. If you were a prude you wouldn't be blowing him
If you look around this forum you will see that men are insecure about their penes. Just talk about how much you like the way his looks. If he asks how he compares with other men tell him how much sexier his is than any you have ever seen. Tell him you think he is big, if he is. Otherwise talk about the shape, the way you like his veins. Talk about his scrotum-no don't use words like scrotum or testicles. You know what words are right! Act surprised and happy to see his penis as soon as the pants come off! Talk about how hard he gets, once he is hard. After you put him in your mouth you should writhe with pleasure, moaning and sighing about how great he tastes. Look him in the eye while praising his genitals.
7)WAIT! Don't put him in your mouth yet. Kiss, lick and caress the insides of his thighs then move to his abdomen, buttocks, pubis, and scrotum (especially where it connects to the groin ) and perineum. You can use your mouth on one part while caressing another part. Don't forget to make gleeful noises so he knows how much pleasure this gives you. Wrap your hair around his penis and stroke it with the ends of your hair. Go back to #7 and talk up his manhood some more.
8) Now you can make oral contact with his penis. You might begin by simply kissing it. You can talk directly to his penis. You can tell it you love it, but only if you actually do. Put your tongue at the base of his penis, on the underside, near the scrotum, and begin licking up the length of the shaft. Take your time. Make it feel to him that his penis is very long, not to mention tasty. Of course if he does in fact have a very long one you might want to move up the shaft a bit faster. When you get to the glans run your tongue around it getting it nice and moist. Now blow on it, gently. Begin licking down the back side of the shaft-the side near his abdomen. When you get to the bottom again, swirl your tongue around the base.
9)Gently grasp the base of his penis in one hand. You can apply some pressure to his pubis. Begin licking up the shaft until you reach the ring of his circumcision scar-or where his foreskin is attached if it still is. Between this point and the cleft at the underside of the glans is a thin ridge of skin called the frenulum. This is the most sensitive part of the penis, especially the at the point where it meets with the foreskin or circumcision scar. Begin flicking your tongue back and forth over the frenulum moving from scar/foreskin to glans and back.
10) By now he should be pretty turned on. Moisten you lips with your tongue. Stick your tongue out far enough to cover your lower front teeth, keeping the tongue flat and the tip resting on your lower lip. Draw your upper lip back slightly over your top teeth. Try to keep you mouth muscles relaxed. Now take his penis into your mouth. You will need to take it as far as the circumcision scar/foreskin attachment point so you can stimulate that with pressure from your tongue and lower lip. Now you can begin a gentle head bobbing motion. Also you can try and suck a little. Try to move your tongue back and forth. Expert fellatrices learn to seemingly circle the shaft with their tongues while the penis is deep within their mouths.
You need to remember to breathe through your nose. Also you can come up for air. If you begin feeling tension in your jaw just suck on the glans a bit while massaging his pubis at the base of his penis. Also you can go back to flicking and licking. It is important to change up every now and then, but once you get a signal ( lots of pre-ejaculatory fluid, throbbing, moaning, thrusting of hips, etc.) that he is really into a certain sort of stimulation stick with it and he will probably reach orgasm soon. If this means that you have to put up with the discomfort of a tired jaw so be it. You never hear a man complain about how tired his tongue gets during cunnilingus-and if you do he is not putting his tongue to good use is he?
Once he begins to ejaculate you need to continue stimulating his penis until after all the spasms have subsided or he begs you to stop. It is best to take his semen inside your mouth, but if you have a tremendous aversion to semen in your mouth you can also lick and suck on the point where the frenulum meets the foreskin or scar for the duration of his orgasm. If you take his ejaculate in your mouth either swallow it or let it dribble sexily out the sides. You can kiss him all over his thighs and abdomen, smearing semen and getting it out of your mouth. Whatever you do do not spit! That is a turn off and an ego breaker.

Remember-keep your teeth and nails off of him unless you know for a fact that he is a masochist. Keep your hands off of his penis except to keep it steady while you are using your mouth on it. If you begin stroking it with your hand you will cause him to become unresponsive to your mouth as the hand actually deadens the nerves-and besides you will never give him as a good a hand job as he can give himself.

I hope this helps some.

[Aussie_Foot_Lover]

I've known many guys who have been unable to climax from a blowjob. Not being the person who was receiving, I cannot comment on how good they were at the act.

In speaking with my mates, some people just don't enjoy having a woman's face down there, same as some women do not like a man's face down there. Personally, I like nothing more then a good blowjob, but everyone is different.

So I wouldn't be too worried, but remember there is always room for improvement Read up on a few new techniques & hopefully you'll find what really floats his boat.

Oh, by any chance had he jerked off before your encounter? I know that from time to time, if I have jerked off a few hours before I make love that it can significantly increase the amount of time I last. In some cases I haven't been able to climax.