Anal 101

[KinLA]

It's kind of a spurious argument, when guys say you can't touch their butts because "it's gay." It's only gay if they're doing it with another man. Otherwise, it's just kinky. There's no way he's going to suddenly desire to be with a man if he engages in anal stimulation unless he's already attracted to men.

All the same, I'd suggest not frightening him with the dildo talk. Suggest he touch your anus while he's down on you, and tell him you'd like do the same to him. Then maybe after you've done that a few times, get some lube and help him insert his finger in you. Then talk about doing that with him. In my experience, guys are more receptive to being fingered while you're giving them a blowjob. I don't know if its a balance of power or what. So if he likes it you can include it in your repertoire. If not, at least he tried. If YOU like it, and want to try taking his penis into your butt, then at least you're anus is accustomed to receiving.

The point in all this is that by saying you want to use a dildo on him, probably evokes images of him with his butt in the air and you stuffing in a large object—roughly what he hopes to do to you. You shouldn't be subjected to that, and neither should he. Take it slow, and abandon it if either of you gets uncomfortable with anything.

[HngLkAMouse]

To add further...

It's all about intent. It's not the PHYSICAL ACT that makes you gay, it's the DESIRE to be with the person of the same sex. If a guy gets anally raped in prison against his will, he's not gay... he was raped. If you kiss your own arm, technically, that's a MAN'S arm you just kissed... YOU'RE GAY! * sigh *

Same goes with intimacy with a man & a woman. If the man is attracted to women and not men... he is not gay. EVN IF he likes anal play, or even if he likes using a dildo on himself or having HER use one on him to derive pleasure... it's not GAY if he still is not attracted to men and IS atracted to women. All it means is that it feels good and he's enjoying it.

Just because there's a vague similarity in a particular sexual act does not mean one is gay... heck, gay men kiss, so is kissing your girlfriend GAY...? Gay men will, at time,s penetrate their lover's anus... so if you penetrate your girlfriend's or wife's anus... does that make you gay... Why? Gays do THAT too...! No...

Most of the time, I see that it's a man's FEAR of his own sexuality that makes them react so strongly... it's not that they ARE gay, but they worry so much about NOT being gay that they read WAY too-far into things and it's a shame, because life is too short to worry about that stuff.

I have never participated in anything other than light contact in that area from my past and current partner. Never have I had any objects (other than thermometers & such as a kid) placed in there... but if it ever did happen... it wouldn't mean that all-of-a-sudden I find Harrison Ford a turn-on and I start sewing drapes for the spare bedroom.

[lottedixon]

Beautifully put, Hung! There is nothing less homosexual than having sex with a person of the opposite gender - no matter how.

I'm a girl who likes anal sex. While the pain was prohibitive my first few attempts, with a little practice and a whole lot of lube, I now look forward to it regularly. I find that being highly aroused and close to orgasm before insertion definitely helps ease the way. Even now, the initial entry is painful, but so so worth it once I warm up. Occasionally, I've begun to orgasm from it alone. I usually need a week or so to recover between anal sessions due to sphincter soreness and... er... difficulties in the bathroom for a couple days afterwards but my bf is very large and I like harder pumping so the latter problem may not be typical.

My bf is always eager to be on the receiving end of anal play but usually balks in discomfort once any penetration takes place. I generally just stick with my tongue in that area, though I love the idea of getting deeper penetration.

The moral of my story is: the butt is fun. It opens up a lot of doors <insert back door pun here> as far as variety and intimacy. I understand that it's certainly not for some. Nevertheless, beyond actual anal penetration, I think it's important to be able to share every part of yourself with your partner, without guilt or shame or embarrassment.

[Rawbob]

Here's what i posted back in June, and still stand by it:

Anal sex, if done correctly, can be a wonderful addition to your sexual arsenal!

As was stated before, you should always use a condom for ANY sex, not just anal sex. And also, be careful to not perform anal and vaginal sex at the same time. This could cause an infection in her.

Now, for beginners, the most important things to keep in mind are the following:

1) Lube: Get it, use it - don't be stingy with lube during anal play, it helps!
2) Hygene: You sould use a douche before doing any real intense anal play. Not only will it allow for a more pleasureable experience, the introduction of feces during sex can be very uncomfortable and unhealthy.
3) Start Slow: From fingers to smaller and gradually increasing sized dildos/vibrators - slowly streaching the sphincter muscle is the KEY to enjoying anal sex.
4) Go slow: The anus is not the vagina, and so it's ability to streach and relax is tied directly to how much pre-penile insertion time you take.
5) Positions: Once you feel you've relaxed enough to take a penis in your anus, a good way to start is to have the person who'll be taking the penis to be on TOP and lower themselves on the erect penis. This allows THEM to control the pace and depth. You will find, that as he/she lowers herself down, the sphinter will almost actulally "release" and allow for full penetration. Again, for beginners, let the person being "F-ed" set the pace!

Closing note: Guys, if you're not letting your gal work your butt, you're missing alot! Only men have a prostate gland, and until you've felt a prostate being stimulated (by hand, toy or penis) you've not lived! IT"S GREAT!

OTHER THOUGHTS FROM PRIOR RESPONSES:

a) Anal sex is gross. I think this really dosn't bear much comment beyond looking at the member's online name. I will say this..."Me thinks tho dost protest too much"

b) Women have the clitoris, men have the prostate: Thats right, if God (however u envision him/her/them, etc) didn't intend anal sex to be pleasureable for men, why is the Prostate Gland an erogenous zone? The sexual pleasure from prostate stimulation is incredible. Can there be some discomfort from initial anal penetration? Yes. Is it prohibitively painfull? If done correclty and with loving intent - NO!

Many women on this very board have commented on how the first few times they had full vaginal intercourse that it was painfull, uncomfortable, slight bleeding, etc. Again, it's all about preparation, sensativity and communication.

PLEASE, i beg those of you who read posts like this to NOT be so overly demonstrative about something that MILLIONS of str8, gay, bi and lesbian folk engage in every single day!

[funeral_of_hearts69]

Me and my boyfriend recently tried anal and how come it feels like you really gotta "go" lol

Is there any way to prevent from feeling like that?

[thetease13]

Not that I know of.

That's how it feels for me, but I know it's just a feeling.
Kinda like the urge to pee when he's playing with your clit. lol.

[demonbuttercup]

uh
because when you gotta go there is feces in your rectum. now its just a penis... the body doesn't really know the difference.

[duckie]

Okay I have always been somewhat fascinated and curious about anal sex. But, there again the pain really scared me. Well, last night while i was searching for my inner slut! My hubby decided it was time, without telling me, and it hurt at first! But as curious as I was and turned on, I got out the lube and we took it really really slow. I had my first experience with anal sex, and after the initial pain, LOVED IT. It's so different to describe but, having developed hemorroids with the birth of my daughter 4 years ago was sore a little while afterwords.
Does anyone have any suggestions for me, I would love to try it again, esp since hubby now knows that you have to take it really really slow.
I know that it must have been a fantasy of his for awhile he's just never said anything but, through checking out the web pages he's looked at there have been several anal sex pics so I figured one day down the road lol.
And yes he knows that I look at the sites he looks at when he's not home, turns us both on lol.

[BabyBlue]

Can we get some sort of clarification to the anal sex and haemorrhoid issue (and other effects)? When I searched for information on this I read was that anal sex does not CAUSE haemorrhoids, but it can exacerbate EXISTING ones. Also the presence of haemorrhoids is so common in the population anyway, some say up to 50%, so haemorrhoids can be very common anyway.. Is there a link to an official study or something to give clarification?
I also want clarification on any other alleged effects like “a loose anus” because I am really just trying to inform myself and one moment I am hearing one thing and the other moment I am hearing the opposite, each side making it sound like hard fact and nothing linked to a scientific paper, or study or anything…can someone give me hard proven facts please, this is not fair.

Finally I will just say that anal sex, if done properly should not hurt, even for the first time, and the receiver should always dictate and be in control

[Lady Love]

I have read through many of the posts and have a question for Rawbob and Brandey. *My boy freind would like to have anal sex. *I am somewhat hesitant because of hygiene. *I would very much like to please him, but am a bit put off by the possibity of getting fecal matter on either of us or the bed. *Rawbob suggested douching. *Is this sufficient enough to cleanse myself? *Thank you.

Titania