Hand Jobs 101

[meganbinky]

DancingDoc- thank you. Sincerely.

The 'lab work' isn't a problem as I tend to only try HJ's when I am ...erm... 'broken'. I get distracted by how he looks really. I am trying to take visual clues for non-verbal comunication as he isn't very discriptive when being pleasured though he is REALLY trying to help me overcome my hang-ups. He tends to look so adorable that I loose my train of thought...

I always thought that the male penis was sorta breakable. I don't have much practical experience <obviously> with penises and my previous lovers were very bad at letting me explore or teaching me anything. I always assumed that it was easy to hurt a penis. Thank you for clearing that up. I understand that they are hardier then I assumed!

I know about hot spots as we both enjoy the gentler side of intimacy or just touching and enjoying touch. I have found his hot spots and even got him to enjoy pressure points and the like.

the Rythme of hj's is still a mystery but a friend of my suggested using the tune 'ittsy bittsy spider' as a good cadence if you will. It can be slowed down and sped up with out drastic changes and it would keep me focused also.

Thank you DD2 for your help. I may have more questions later, but I will try your suggestions with high hopes.

[katiebug]

One of the biggest misconceptions I and most of my girl friends have always had is that you attempt to touch a penis as you would a vagina. I know that I can not tolerate a lot of really hard or forceful play down there, especially not with fingers, so I've come to expect that it would be the same for a man as well. My BF has definitely taught me that this is not the case! He likes to be touched with a firm grip and has shown me not to be scared of being a little rough with him. This also explains why the first time he fingered me he came at me with some forceful and very blunt movements...I guess he was going to attempt to touch me the same way that he likes to be touched, not realizing that I am much more sensitive than he is. One time when he was hard, I simply put my hand around his shaft and told him to put his hand over mine and show me how hard I could squeeze without hurting him. Well, he was squeezing so hard that he almost broke my fingers. I don't even think I could duplicate that if I wanted to! I simply don't have that strong of a grip. But, don't be afraid of hurting him by squeezing...just ask him to show you what his limit is.

If it makes you feel better, I have only gotten my BF off via handjob once. It's good foreplay but I don't think I could ever duplicate what he does for himself well enough to be able to get him off that way. I don't take it personally, it's just one of those things. I know I could never do it better than he does it himself, and I still take pride in the fact that I can do more than that for him - like BJ's and other things he enjoys more anyway. It also makes my hand and arm really tired to give him a handjob because of how firmly he wants me to grip him. I don't have a lot of hand/arm strength as a puny little girl.

[Lackadaisical]

"puny little girl"....i'm a girl, but i'm not puny. My boyfriend swears he prefers my hanfjobs over his, and I sincerely believe him...cuz he just can't fake his reaction that well.

arm strength can be built up!

[dancingdoc2]

Hmm, there are a lot of points that bear further discussion.

> Megan: The 'lab work' isn't a problem as I tend to only try HJ's when I am ...erm... 'broken'.

Please define "broken".

> I am trying to take visual clues for non-verbal comunication as he isn't very discriptive when being pleasured

This is another good thing you are doing. Whenever we masturbate we benefit from an internal feedback that lets us modulate our movements or make tiny "midcourse" corrections. When we turn the task over to our partner, there is way to communicate what we are feeling internally. Unfortunately we cannot plug into our partner's spinal cord. Darn. So, what we do is to develop verbal and non-verbal signals. Verbal can be words or utterances that convey specific meanings. The same goes for non-verbal. These can be a squeeze of the hand or some other form of body english that the two of you work out to mean this or that.

Making love is a partnership. He needs to understand his responsibility in this and work with you on his own behalf.

> I always assumed that it was easy to hurt a penis.

I'm sure it is possible, although squeezing is not likely. If you rub a spot too hard and chafe the skin you will injure it in a minor way. Bumping the tip and causing back pressure will be uncomfortable. Other than these, just explore and have fun.

> the Rythme of hj's is still a mystery but a friend of my suggested using the tune 'ittsy bittsy spider' as a good cadence if you will.

"Velly interestingk". Who knows what will work; however, having said that, here is a hint:

> > Katie: It also makes my hand and arm really tired to give him a handjob because of how firmly he wants me to grip him.

Use a lube and little or no pressure during stroking.

>>> Lackadaisical: arm strength can be built up!

All of us have to build up the strength in muscles we use in new and different ways. I remember as a post pubescent teen learning the joys of masturbation that my wrist and arm would ache like heck in the beginning. The same sort of thing happened years later when I was learning to Ballroom dance and had to develop a "frame" to hold my dance partner. My upper arms and shoulders ached for quite awhile. As all of you new to stroking a penis will discover, things do get better and more comfortable with practice.

> > I could ever duplicate what he does for himself well enough to be able to get him off that way.

Maybe yes, maybe no, although there are many women whose "handiwork" do get their men to a climax. Don't give up.

What is important to know about stroking a penis is:
* Extreme pressure is generally not necessary, particularly if you locate a hotspot
* A smooth rhythm is important. In other words the transition at the ends of a stroke should be smooth, not abrupt and jerky.

>>> Lackadaisical: he just can't fake his reaction that well.

Yup, the end results are rather evident.

[meganbinky]

DancingDoc: I get your name now! I did ballroom for a bit, but never found a partner who could lead me.

'Broken'- that is a silly way of saying I'm on my period. I had acouple of male friends who would get green at the meantion of periods, and mine are REALLLY bad so that was my way of telling them to be more gentle with me, I'm 'Broken'.

My partner is very reserved, modest, and to himself. If he found out I was trying to get more info by talking about hj's with total strangers he would never speak to me again! He is really trying to talk more and tell me what he likes/doesn't like, but it isn't easy for him. Non-verbal cues are about all I really get. Occasionally he will show me what he likes or a word or two, but mostly I have to watch pretty close. We are still very new lovers and I am sure communication will become better and better with ever new positive feedback love-session we have.
ps- what was my hint??

Katie- I think you are on to something! I never really thought about that before, but it makes sense! I don't care for a heavy approach for pleasuing my vagina. I have taght myself for years to go soft and light, to vary the rythme. It would make sense that I would try to apply that logic to my partner! Wow. You have just 'blown' my mind! I will have to think about that for a bit. Thank you!

[Brandye]

There are great variations of hj's. Most of which I practiced extensively as a teen - better than sweating out late periods. Take your panties off and use them to rub him; lather up a pair rubber gloves with Nivea or such and give him a good going over; dry satin gloves are fun, too - but need to be washed afterwards. One b/f loved to rubbed with a menstrual pad. Seems that "accessories" that are purely feminine add a lot!

[coveresid]

I love a good hand job probably since it doesn't happen very often in 20 years of marriage. My wife doesn't spend enough time touching and stroking my penis. However the other day she was just starting her period and didn't want intercourse. So I just asked her to rub and play with my penis. She was very gentle at first, but never did get firm with her hand on my penis. I asked her to use more pressure and to be more firm which she did and things did take off from there. I think she didn't know that she could be alot more firm with the penis. Well it did send me over the top after awhile. I did tell her that I was going to shoot and loved her answer that she wanted see me lose it and for me to let it go. She usually isn't very verbal so the fact she answered and implied that she was looking forward to seeing me orgasim was great. I enjoyed the visual aspect of it also watching her hands work my penis and scrotum. It did turn her on since she needed her clitoris and pubic area rubbed on the outside. Would love to have this done again soon. One fo my fantasies would also be to watch her suck me dry after making me cum. But that probably will never happen. If I had to chose betwee a hand job or oral sex, I would prefer the oral sex. But this is a nice change and if the wife isn't in the mood for oral, which is generally the case, a hand job is a good second choice.

[MrKalar]

handjobs is only good if i am particarlay lazy. Like if I am laying in my chair watching a porn but it is like 2:00am and I'm sleepy, i'll have my girl come over and jack me off. I could have masturbated myself but its more relaxing to have some chick do it for ya. In regular sexing though go for the hardcore oral, is much nicer to feel the mouth on the penis.

[babycakes]

i just gave my bf head for the first time and well.. he came within minutess.. and personally.. i LOVED Itt.. i cant wait to do it again..but anyway.. he came and i swallowed some and jus cleaned the rest off.. so like 10 mins later he got hard and horny again so i started to jack him off but he told me to just suck on it again.. so i did that but then i started givin him a handjob and then outta nowhere he was just like ok and we jus stopped and jus cuddled and madeout after that.. but did i do something wrongg?? i duno if he told me to stop kuz he was done or because i just wasnt doin it right..

[YourSecretPoison]

Were you using lube? That's a lot of jacking off if he was dry. They can get really sore and it can hurt them if you are just rubbing them hard for a long time. Also, 10 minutes isn't very long in between.. maybe he just wanted a break. Either way, if you've been able to make him cum in the past, I wouldn't worry too much about it. =)
Did you ask him what was wrong?